anon video;

[rhymeswithdeath]

[The feed flicks on, revealing a young, blond woman, chilling in some hallway in a...bat-costume? She's grinning pretty widely for someone who's supposed to be dark as the (k)night.]

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's—[dramatic pause]—sure as hell a giant, creepy spaceship because Superman you ain't. [She sighs, grin disappearing in favor of a more deadpan expression.]

So, hey, I'm new, but let's skip the mental breakdowns, freak outs, where is "x", have you seen my "y," I am scared, blah blah, wah wah, yadda yadda, etcetera, ad naseum [dismissive wave] and go straight to introductions and pleasantries.

Hey, space people. I'm Batgirl. The real deal, even — see, I come fully equipped with Batarangs, witty retorts, and everything. Yeah, yeah, I've snooped through the network. Done a little detecting, as they say. I've heard rumors of comics and fourthwalls; don't worry. If I'm fictional where you're from, then I will be available for autographs upon request. The one thing I ask of you is pretty please: no spoilers. I happen to like surprises.

Anyway, I also like coffee and waffles, especially in delicious conjunction, rooftop tag, crime fighting, and, of course, justice.

I'm sure you've seen my spooky boss-man's pseudo-vandalism, but I figured I should put the word out in my own way: call me, beep me, if you want to text me; that's a-okay. I'll be there whenever you need me, as cheesy as that sounds. It's part of the super-gig. You can ask questions and/or heckle now, I guess. Do whatever floats your boat. I'll be here aaaaaaall week.

Comments

[jurisimpudent]

So does that not speak, rather, to the necessity of reform? Of the refinement and perfection of the legal system?

[rhymeswithdeath]

There's no such thing as a perfect system, in my opinion.

[jurisimpudent]

As of yet, no. But I should say that the system is perfectible.

[rhymeswithdeath]

And I would disagree, but to each their own.

[jurisimpudent]

Hmph. So it's that pessimism that leads you to this illegitimate action?

[rhymeswithdeath]

No, it isn't. My thing is hope. Hope for a better future; hope for anyone and everyone who wants it.

My turn to ask questions: is your thing lecturing people? Or are you an aspiring psychologist trying to pry into the mind of the vigilante?

[jurisimpudent]

[Sorry Batgirl all you get is a:]

Prosecutor.

[And then right back to:]

But I must disagree. "Hope" would mean working within the system, not abandoning it to pursue instead vigilantism.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Uh. You might want to get your facts straight.

We work with the police most of the time. In fact, they call us for help when they need it.

[jurisimpudent]

[He frowns, disapproving.]

They call you? That's absurd. Indeed, that's quite thoroughly unethical on their parts.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Well, when they're facing things like aliens with giant laser beams, super-humans who can run faster than the eye can see, and giant robots, they're kind of out of their league.

Also, no, it's not unethical. It's called friendship. Alternatively, compromise. Alternatively to alternatively using your brain.

[jurisimpudent]

Quite.

If they're "out of their league," then they shouldn't be giving up. They should be moving to a higher league, if you'll forgive the stretching of that metaphor. Police are and must be the force which keeps order in society, because they are bound by codes which - forgive me - a young girl in an anonymous mask need not follow. So if they can't handle the criminals around them, then they don't just surrender; they train, recruit, and strengthen themselves.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Except that hasn't happened in over a decade. The police force isn't changing even though the world around them is.

Look, you seem smart. You know that all this talk, lecturing, theory won't help anyone unless it's put into practice.

I don't make the police's decisions or the government's choices -- I vote in elections and stuff. I do my part to have a say.

But the system isn't fixed yet, so I'm going to keep wearing this mask and fighting the good fight.

[jurisimpudent]

And you seem smart, so you probably have an answer to this question: why don't you join the police?

[rhymeswithdeath]

Because then I'd have to do things their way. And their way hasn't evolved enough to handle the world we live in.

[jurisimpudent]

Please give me, if you will, a clearer definition of "their way." What is it to which you object?

[rhymeswithdeath]

They don't want to learn how to handle the aforementioned "crazy" threats yet.

[jurisimpudent]

Don't want to? Think about that critically, if you will - do you truly think they simply shrug their shoulders, decide that it's too much effort? You think it's a lack of desire?

[rhymeswithdeath]

In a way, yes.

[ abruptly ] What are you trying to achieve here, anyway? What's the point of the interrogation? If you want to say something, you should just say it. I don't bite; promise.

[jurisimpudent]

[But one has to work a bit harder than that to pin him down:]

It is curious, isn't it? Since as a member of law enforcement, I am of course lazy, complacent, and incurious.

[rhymeswithdeath]

That's not what I said. [ a sigh ]

And I still don't understand what you want.

[jurisimpudent]

Must I "want" something merely because I'm conversing with you? Indeed, perhaps I simply want a conversation.

[rhymeswithdeath]

But you're asking a lot of questions that are worded — not poorly, per se, but in a way that lends to a negative answer.

You're also dropping a lot of negative buzzwords. Don't get me wrong. I'll believe you if you say you want a normal conversation, without all the "if's" and other qualifiers, but you should know that you're coming across as [ air quotes ] "someone trying to pick a fight."

[jurisimpudent]

[Fine. Finally, directly, without any circumlocution:]

I believe in the system, because it's a system that works - if people put effort into it. So I do not much care to see decently gifted people giving up, taking the easy route, and then calling themselves heroic for it. Hence the negative "buzzwords," so "dropped" because of my personal outlook.

I am not, however, trying to pick a fight. With respect, madam, you would know if I were trying to pick a fight.