ataraxion | oo1｡ ― ( text

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oo1｡ ― ( text | video )

listen up kiddos got one important thing to ask
the sheer amount of importance will blow your mind so make sure youre sitting down
seatbelt on and everything and dont miss the chair either
youll be shit out of luck if you miss so get it right the first time
once youre done marveling of whatever i could be asking for ill just get it out
does anyone know where a guy can get his hands on a shitty sword
any sword is fine though
shitty is a preference
and for a bonus ill even go as to show you a magic trick
also one other thing

[and the function switches to video, to which you will be seeing someone chances you may already know. except for the fact he has a neck full of feather ruff and two orange wings folded behind him.]

Just so everyone has the lowdown I may look like someone familiar and long story short I'm him and he's me, I got four months ahead though so yeah future self and shenanigans all in one. So you don't find yourself confused and disorientated on space drugs he's red Dave, alpha Dave, just Dave. Number one coolkid. I'm orange Dave, Dave with the bird parts, but you can just call me Davesprite.

Just putting it out there so you don't go and say shit like I didn't tell you so.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You didn't miss out that much.

But it sucks that everybody knows about you and red Dave now. I mean, we could have totally done a switch sort of thing. Nobody would have been able to tell the difference! It would have been genius, and possibly diabolical.

[Davesprite doesn't respond to that statement, you can take that as a "I don't believe that" answer.]

I think you're forgetting about the fact I'm part rambunctious bird and he's not. Not exactly hard to work out the details.

We totally could have done it! We would have just gotten you a big coat or something like that. It would have been awesome.

... Do you think you'd get more ladies than red Dave?

So not suspicious at all.

I'm not obligated to answer.

You'd answer if you didn't have anything to hide!

We could probably do a scientific experiment on it, and the answers would benefit all communities everywhere.

Nah just my way of saying there is no answer to that, we've both smooth chill douchebags.

[unless more girls have bird fetishes or something....]

Suuuuuure. I totally believe that.

Sorry that I can't help out with the swordy thingy, though. Maybe you can make one... with your SHEER WILLPOWER. Kapow!

[golf clap.]

Oh I would be so lost without your brilliant guidance, I should have known sheer willpower would work all this time.

Don't worry about it! If you're ever in danger, I'm immortal and stuff and I will totally Bruce Willis your Ben Afflect ass.

Also I have my hammer and stuff with me, and my daughter.

Swoon, my hero. [IN THE MOST FLAT TONE EVER with some eyerolling behind his shades]

.. Your daughter. Jesus fuck who's mom did you go and knock up, you know there's a line of decency and down-right fucking insane.

I have seen things, Dave. So many things. I have done my time, but I am ready to reunite with my loving wife and daughter.

Anyway, maybe you can make your own sword! It will totally be like a journey of self-discovery and possibly cut fingers.

Yeah sure whatever you say, good luck on finding your wife. Spoiler she's out being a flighty broad. [still doesn't stop him by being curious, who the fuck is his daughter??]

Exciting. Me and the cool dude got plans on making one though so that's covered.

Really? That is actually pretty cool! Do you actually have metal and stuff?

Or just paper, because I don't think a paper sword is going to work for very long...

Nope, duct tape and cardboard. The crafts made for Gods.

I think it's the craft made for people who really need their shipping done fast. You guys are so lame, you can't even make swords right!

You totally need markers and make really cool colors.

Markers and colors are for babies, sides we're trying to make a sword not some colorful rainbow cocksucking piece of shit.

Uh, no, because markers are really awesome? Also, if you don't color your swords, you will never know the difference between them. It will be like you take his sword and he takes yours and then you will be like BLARGH.

That was an accurate rendition of true happenings.

First off doesn't matter which shitty sword we get, they're all shitty in the end so who even cares.

Those are just little details you're worried about.

Your swords will be so shitty, I am just saying. But I guess they'll be shitty together.

Rose would have a field day with this, I can just feel it.

Duh Egbert kinda the whole point and definition of shitty swords.

With what.

Dave playing with himself and making swords!

There is just so much to say.

Wow your mind has been swimming down the gutter and drains all day today, is there something you want to tell me.

Birds are not my thing! And probably aren't Jade's thing either, but I do not know.

But there is something I really want to tell you! And that is you are a big dick and really loser! I am just saying, man, and you know it is true that Rose would be very happy.

Dropping down my chances to zero before I can even give it a shot, you wound me.

Yeah sure give her something to write in her porn. [LMFAO OOPS]

You have the same powers as Dave, right?

Can you turn back time and get the WEIRD IMAGERY OUT OF MY HEAD?

[video] I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING DOWN THERE no aorange is such a total booger

[video] says zoosmell pooplord

[video] BETTER THAN KEEPING IT AS YOUR USERNAME

[video] ooooh burn

[video] it's okay one day she'll be a coolkid like us too

[video] one day pooplord

[video] he is lord of the poop come on

[video] and the smell of zoo

[video] still better than insufferable prick just sayin

[video] sry bro but insufferable prick is the best nick of all time

[video] I STILL SEE WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING DOWN THERE

[video] ssssh you are imagining things

[video] STOP BEING SO MUCH LIKE DAVES it is tearing this family apart

[video] i'm sry bb come back you can blame it all...on..ao

[video] I SEE YOU JOINING IN WITH HER CHIMING IN I SEE IT

[video] no bb i promise it's all a lie.........

[video] THE EVIDENCE IS STILL RIGHT THERE

[video] NOPE

[video] "its cute how she wants to be a coolkid too" THESE WOUNDS WILL NEVER HEAL

[video] WHO'S TO SAY IT WAS ABOUT YOU, shoooshpaps

[video] http://i.imgur.com/LLNKx.png

[video] LMFAO DON'T POST MY WORD IN AMAZING ART

[video] http://i.imgur.com/TwVCl.gif i don't even spend most of my time tagging anymore just this

[video] i lost my shit

[video] i totally have the makings of a webcomic artist