001 ▸ video

[rhymeswithdeath]

[ The video feed starts, and Stephanie waves. She's sitting on her bed in her "room," smiling through the screen. ]

So, I've been thinking about the whole "space hell" theme this place has going on, and I came to the realization that not everything that happens here is going to be all rainbows and butterflies, obviously.

I mean, this ship is looking more horror sci-fi and less action adventure sci-fi every day. And I kind of like being alive and well, as surprising as that might sound.

[ She pauses, hesitating. ]

What I'm getting at is...would anyone be up for teaching me self-defense?

[ Not that she really needs the help, as self-defense was thoroughly covered in Bat-training.

But if Batgirl wants to go out and about, her alter ego has to be nothing but normal—Stephanie Brown, an average teenage girl with zero space experience, zero fighting experience, and zero spandex experience. ]

Comments

[tyrians]

wouldnt it be easier just to let you die or somefin

[rhymeswithdeath]

Yes.

But it would also be morally wrong.

[tyrians]

so

[rhymeswithdeath]

So, it's wrong, bad, no bueno.

Which means you shoudn't let it happen.

[tyrians]

aw man
but i dont wanna

[rhymeswithdeath]

[what even are you] ...okay, try thinking about it this way.

If you help other people not get killed, then they, in return, will help you not get killed.

[tyrians]

well in that case
clearly i should make sure that the scrub who cant keep themshell from gettin killed on their own prawntects me
fuck yeah my shorevior is here

[rhymeswithdeath]

Are you always this rude, or am I just special?

[tyrians]

my gift to you
youre shellcome

[rhymeswithdeath]

Thanks but no thanks. You can keep your fins to yourself. Or yourshelf. I'm not picky so long as you're not a jerk in my general direction.

[voice]

[forlifeloveandcheese]

I'm up for it. The problem is you'd need a shield, a sword and a ton of upper body strength.

As a general question, you mean nobody's teaching defenseless people to protect themselves? Really? There should be mandatory classes for this stuff.

video;

[sugarbear]

[ After a moment's appraisal. ]

You should be careful making offers like that. There are some really dodgy sorts around here.

[ Okay so Casey would qualify. ]

[video]

[rhymeswithdeath]

Upper body strength isn't my strong point, but I've been doing gymnastics and running track for years, so I'm fit, at least, if that helps?

[She nods.] Yeah. That surprised me too. I looked around the network, but didn't come across any classes.

Hopefully, I just missed the memo.

video;

[rhymeswithdeath]

[ She runs a hand through her hair. ] I figured the dodgy ones wouldn't bother me over a public network.

[video]

[forlifeloveandcheese]

Hm... I don't think you're suited for my kind of fighting style, sorry.

Maybe someone should start, then. Have you tried asking any of the men in security?

video;

[sugarbear]

[ A grunt. ]

Pretty blond girl seeks hands on, one on one self defense classes. You've got a lot of faith in strangers. And this is a small ship. Lots of lonely people. Try to be more careful.

Video

[bottlearum]

What kinda self-defense are you willin' t'learn?

[Jack could possible teach you sword fighting and how to shoot things. If you pledge a life of piracy.]

[video]

[rhymeswithdeath]

No, but that's a good idea, actually. They're probably the most credible guys around.

video;

[rhymeswithdeath]

Yes, sir.

—are you a cop, by any chance?

Video 1/2

[rhymeswithdeath]

[You are Captain Jack Sparrow.

Please hold.]

Video 2/2

[rhymeswithdeath]

—any and all kinds. I'm flexible.

[willpunchfaces]

[why hello there cute girl]

I can teach you how to shoot, if you want. [and some hand-to-hand but it's not his specialty]

[rhymeswithdeath]

[raises an eyebrow]

Shoot a gun or a bow and arrow?

audio;

[dirtyword]

There's a few bims and birds that can get you situated, if you haven't already bumped gums with 'em.

audio;

[learnedtosmile]

[Brendan your slang.]

What he means is, there are some people around who might be able to help you out, if you haven't spoken with them already.

You might want to try contacting some of the people on the security team, or possibly gunnery. I believe Jane Shepard has offered to help people with some basic self-defense in the past.