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[nobrakes]

SON OF A BITCH!

[Surely no one on the Tranquility has motion sickness. If you do, sorry about the view you're getting of a very shaky camera feed of Wilee pedaling as his life depended on it down the halls of the ship, cutting sharp corners like a pro. It's obvious he's scared out of his wits by something. Maybe it's Smiley, finally showing up in person. Maybe it's some space monster that somehow managed to get on the ship. Maybe it's...

...an angry turkey. Well, that explains the fear. That shit is scary. It looks angry as it flaps its wings and chases after Wilee, no matter how fast he pedals. Fuck you, human on a bike. It wants to peck your eyes out.]

WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME? I WILL TURN YOU INTO A SANDWICH, SWEAR TO GOD. I'M TIRED OF SHIT COMING AFTER ME.

Comments

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[alittlesideways]

[This is Tommy just lauuuughing and laughing and laughing.]

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[nobrakes]

[Shut up, dick. Wilee doesn't have time to deal with you right now. Aren't you supposed to stay away from him anyway?]

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[alittlesideways]

[FU laughing at your predicament is more important than being antisocial.]

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[nobrakes]

[Well, it's obvious why you ain't got any friends, Tommy.]

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[saidhe]

[ man roxy's gettin' around ]

You could perhaps try laying in a fetal position, as one would with a bear attack.

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[nobrakes]

What?

[Sorry. Biking too hard to hear your snark clearly.]

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[selfkismesis]

Holy shit, what am I looking at?

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[nobrakes]

[Seriously? You're looking for an explanation at a time like this, Karkat? Fine.]

What does it look like? A rabid turkey!

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[alittlesideways]

[Here, he's about to make it more obvious:]

Fucking relax, it's just a turkey. [Pussy]

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[nobrakes]

[Pedaling, pedaling. Pant, pant.]

That's not a regular turkey, man.

[Okay, brave man. Come wrangle the turkey yourself then.]

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[selfkismesis]

[ We need a really good analysis as to why this is happening. Seven pages, due on my desk in five hours. Go. ]

There are literally about twelve or twenty million questions I could ask about what's happening here. I mean, okay, sandwichbeast on the ship. Why? Question one. Why is it so angry? Can sandwichbeasts even feel emotion? What the fuck did you do to it? Why are you riding that dumb two-wheeled device? Why are you riding it in a space ship, in space? Why haven't you tried running it over? I mean, seriously, that should have been your first course of action. Why the fuck haven't you climbed up somewhere high? Does it know how to fly? Why-- [ karkat shut up ]

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[nobrakes]

[Aw, come on. It's the weekend! Who needs seven pages to say the word "Sherlock"?]

I don't know! I don't know, goddammit. It just started after me and I don't kill things!

[Yes, Karkat, shut up. At least he answered some of your questions. Fuck, the turkey's gaining ground. Time to speed up.]

( audio )

[raffish]

[ Insert thunderous mocking laughter here. ] Are you running from a stupid bird? What pussy! [ swedishlaugh.mp3 ]

( audio )

[nobrakes]

[Aye. Aye! We're going to stop calling Wilee names because if it was you, you'd be running too. That beak is sharp.]

This shit has rabies and it's from hell. I'm not gonna fuck around and get pecked to death.

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[selfkismesis]

[ woah fuck it's getting closer and this is kind of intense ]

It's going to kill you first, moron! Run it down! Turn around on your shitty vehicle, and, at the very least, show it you mean business! Strike some fear into that hellcreature!

( audio )

[raffish]

[ He's not that much of a good guy, he has no qualms in killing animals if they're threatening to him - especially those that make a good dinner. ]

Break the neck. [ Stated behind dimmed laughter and rather matter-of-factly. ] Kick it, it dies, we make a feast. Nice, hej?

audio;

[nobrakes]

I tried and it wouldn't back down! [Stop calling his bike shitty, yo. It has feelings.] It's pissed and I didn't do anything.

( audio )

[nobrakes]

No, not nice. [God, does anybody have a conscience around here?] I'm just gonna outrun it. It has to stop sometime.

[But when?]

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[selfkismesis]

You have to make yourself look bigger! Puffy up your chest, wave your arms around and shit! Make some loud fucking noises! Right now, that asshole sees you as a weakslime little wriggler, just waiting for the culling fork. You gotta show it what's what.

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[nobrakes]

[Wilee turns into an empty room, slapping his hand against the panel so the door closes before the turkey can follow him in. He needs to catch his breath before trying to get back to his own room.]

I'm not peacocking it.

audio;

[selfkismesis]

That thing's going to follow you until the end of time. I can see a metric fuckton of murder in its eyes. And that murder's all for you, buddy.

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[nobrakes]

You're real helpful, you know that?

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[selfkismesis]

That had better not be sass. I swear to god, I'll help that thing hunt you down if you're sassing me.

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[nobrakes]

You, I can run over.

[No he can't, but there's only but so much Wilee can take in one day.]

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[selfkismesis]

Both the sandwichbeast and I will tagteam you straight to oblivion, motherfucker. Then we'll take your two-wheeled device and ride off into the metaphorical sunset. Together. Romantically.