ataraxion | [text] eridan's guide to getting shit done

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[text] eridan's guide to getting shit done

later than usual but here it is

wwelcome to the tranquility aka the ss fuck me wwere all gonna die a horrible death
its a spaceship youre in space get ovver it
there are other species besides humans in the univverse an some a us are here an take great offense to bein asked if our horns are fake or if wwere just dressin up in costume
dont go wwanderin off alone an make sure youre at the jump bay at least an hour or twwo before jump so you dont get completely keelhauled by the g force
sometimes people you like or evven people you dont like wwho you get attached to in some wway or another disappear or die an theres nothin you can do about it so just dont evven bother wwith it
this includes fuckin morons wwith dumb shades an sprites an detectivve types an the vvast array of people wwho get pulled here an then flushed back dowwn the load gaper

ok noww that thats all out a the wway i need opinions on the followwin idea

that pool that wwe havve thats full a chemicals an suchlike
wwhere holmes wwalked the plank so to speak
howw do wwe feel about drainin that shit an invvestin in some salt wwater instead a chlorine an all that shit
regardless a wwhether or not wwe can change the wwater type wwe should at least drain it an refill it since someone you knoww fuckin DIED in there
but some a us havve gills an its kind a nasty tryin to swwim in chemicals
also its easier to take care a
an it isnt fuckin nasty to boot

yeah so im basically wwonderin if wwe could get somethin like that happenin at some point if its not a univversally fuckin despised idea

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Uh... Salt's made from chlorine, bro. Chlorine plus sodium.

[FINGERPOINTING DRAMATICALLY]

Don't get fuckin' smartmouthed wwith me, you knoww there's a fuckin' difference betwween wwhatevver you humans put in "pool" wwater an' wwhat you get in the ocean, an' you knoww that's wwhat I'm talkin' about here!

Yeah, but this ain't no ocean. Even if we use salt, we're gonna have to chlorinate it with a generator to balance the pH and alkalinity, otherwise that shit will turn nasty with like... bacteria. Then we're all just swimming in a toilet.

[huff]

Okay, okay, yeah, I knoww I'm nevver gonna get an exact sea type envvironment again, but the levvel'a chemicals you gotta put into it can't be nearly as fuckin' high as it is noww.

Then again, I'm not gonna fuckin' lie, I got no fuckin' clue howw you guys do this shit to begin wwith. Pools are the wweirdest fuckin' thing I'vve evver seen. For all I knoww, someone goes in there evvery night, pours special fairy dust into the wwater, crosses their fingers an' says a lil' prayer to make it habitable for any amount'a time.

Is it that you have to be in saltwater? Like are you getting sick 'cause you're not in it?

Not... really? I mean, I don't need wwater to livve, technically. But it'd help. I've taken baths an' shit to get some wwater on the gills an' all, but it's not really the same thing, since I'm not really a freshwwater kinda troll here.

Okay, well I could try turning one of the pools into like... a giant saltwater fishtank. I mean, I used to have one at home, but it was a lot smaller and shit. So I'll try rigging it like that. But I seriously can't guarantee it won't get contaminated if we ain't chlorinating it. I mean, that's one big-ass fishtank to keep clean.

Yeah, okay. I see wwhere you're comin' from, since a pool is nowwhere near capable'a doin' evverythin' the ocean actually does to regulate itself. I wwas gonna take offense at you callin' it a fishtank but I guess that's basically wwhat I'm interested in invvestin' time into.

I don't havve anythin' better to do though, so if you help me set this shit up I can probably keep it clean on my owwn. If wwe need'a introduce chlorine, wwould it need to be the levvels wwe already havve in the pool, or could wwe get awway wwith seriously lowwerin' the amount? Like I said, I got no idea howw you guys do this shit.

I'm pretty sure we got a chlorinator in the labs. I'll bring that out, we'll mess around with the salt levels, and see if we can find a balance that ain't too nasty to swim around in. How's that sound?

[...Okay, seriously, the fact that this guy is down to help him without snarking or putting up an actual fight? That's........ weird.]

...So, you're just... wwillin' help me? Like, not evven gonna givve me shit about it first or somethin'?

I mean, yeah, that all sounds good, but...

Uh, yeah. I'm the ship's chemist. It's my job, yo.

Yeah, but still - you're just kinda... goin' along wwith me on this, evven though I'm probably like, wway the fuck off about howw to do any'a this. It's just... wweird.

It ain't like you're asking me to blow something up. If the pool gets screwed up, we'll just drain it and put it back to normal.

...Okay. Wwell. Thanks, then.

Sure, yeah. Whatever.

[That's Jesse-speak for "you're welcome".]

As far as I know, I don't see why not. There are multiple pools on different levels. We could build a cabana, make it a theme. [Grin. Prrrrrobably not what Eridan was going for, but Jack's missing the beach life too]

I havve no fuckin' clue wwhat a cabana is, but goin' from that smile, it's somethin' I'm gonna disagree wwith vehemently on principle alone.

A cabana. Little hut with a thatched roof. People like to serve fruity drinks out of them, preferably of the alcoholic kind, preferably with scantily clad patrons who frequent them. [He's practically waggling his eyebrows]

Wwhat is wwith you humans an' makin' evverythin' about alcohol an' matin' rituals that are completely ridiculous?

Alright, fine. So what kind of mating rituals do you want to see going on aboard the ship?

[dear Jack please stop making my troll kid turn purple from fin to gill, sincerely me]

I don't wwanna see any!

[but why he's just so gosh darn adorable when he does, look at that little face, look at it]

What d'you mean you don't want to see any? You're a healthy, young troll. You've got to have these kinds of needs, right? [He actually has no idea about troll culture in terms of mating rituals, but there's one way to find out, and that's goading Eridan into giving him the answers!]

[OH MY GOD STOP screams Eridan's entire facial expression]

Wwe are not talkin' about my needs, Harkness, wwe wwere talkin' about a serious health related issue!!! You knoww, I'vve been doin' really wwell about not bringin' up relationships an' wwhatnot, wworkin' on myself on a deep an' personal levvel, an' noww I'm gettin' fuckin' goaded into it! Just my coddamn luck, you're all out to fuckin' get me an' prevvent me from, like, growwin' as a person an' shit!

Growing as a person is being able to admit that you have needs but not being a slave to them. Not putting them on the back-burner entirely. [Wow Jack how much of a hypocrite are you...] The trick is finding the balance between the two.

I don't havve needs, Harkness, other'n to be able to jump into a pool an' not get a rash from excessive chlorination.

[Jack gives him a look that suggests he thinks otherwise.]

I could go for a cabana.

Who wouldn't? Just think of it. All of the tropical island paradise without having to worry about having to cover up to protect from the sun.

[Jack is obviously very into this idea and not at all because that means it gets Ianto out of his clothes in public, oh no...]

dude is your touch screen broken??

an here wwe go i wwas wwaitin for one a you
no my screen isnt broken this is howw i type i havve a quirk its a cultural thing for my species
each a us has our owwn unique wway a typin
it usually reflects the wway wwe talk
insultin it is kind a fuckin rude just so wwere clear

i was just asking, jesus
so everyone where you're from types like that?

i dont get wwhy its evven a big deal like if my communicator wwas actin up wwouldnt i preface this shit wwith that kind of mention so people wwouldnt ask me wwhy im typing differently from evveryone else
its like cant you just let it alone its not affectin anythin is it

evveryone types differently but wwe all havve our quirks
kar wwould always TYPE EVERYTHIN LIKE HE WAS POSSESSED BY THE SPIRITS OF ENRAGED PAST TROLLS an fef is alwways like ----EXCIT-ED )(-ER-E an shit like that
evveryone has their owwn thing

well cool, you do the double vs and ws

[ He did laugh at the whole POSSESSED BY THE SPIRITS OF ENRAGED PAST TROLLS part. That guy sounds like a party, huh? ]

how many people have actually died? here on the ship, i mean.

Edited 2012-09-17 16:05 (UTC)

i dunno three or four maybe
possibly five i havvent been paying much attention to the death count its kind a pointless to me since im used to evveryone dyin like all the time

everyone dies at some point, i guess it just sucks to die early
so why do you have gills?

yeah it does

because im a seadwweller wwe livve primarily in or near the ocean its a biological advantage an a symbol a affluence an shit like that or wwhatevver

[ so he's like a bipedal mermaid? ]

then how come you're not dying from being out of the water? are you like a mermaid?

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[text] eridan's guide to getting shit done

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