ataraxion | 004

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004 | video

[ Carolyn is sitting in her room instead of lurking around the shuttle bay for once. The reason why should be clear after a few minutes, when an orange tabby pokes his head out from behind her before plopping himself on her lap. Carolyn honestly just looks like she has no idea what to do for a moment before reaching to scratch him behind the ears, speaking to the camera as she does. ]

Some of you might recognize this cat as Jones, who belongs to Ellen Ripley. For those of you who knew her, it appears that she's gone home. I'll be looking after him for her.

[ Still petting the cat, she clears her throat. ]

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Carolyn Fry. On the Tranquility I'm part of the flight crew, but back home I was a pilot and captain of a merchant ship -- a spaceship. As a result, I've been helping people out with basic skills to work on in space. Last month we held a training session on health, fitness, nutrition, shuttle procedures, and basic evacuation. In the case that either myself or Ripley vanished and to keep a copy for anyone who wasn't able to make it or wasn't on the ship, we recorded the session.

[ A link pops up, opening an area on the network that contains a brief description of the session and a link to the video. ]

I'll be posting the videos of future sessions in this spot, if everyone would like to keep an eye on it and update their information posts, that sort of thing. If you have any questions, about this or anything else, feel free to ask.

[ locked to 005 » 075 ]
I need a drink. You in?

[ locked to FLIGHT CREW ]
We should all get together.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, I don't suppose you would. Wouldn't scoff, though. [He waves the claw in her general direction.] Men have won battles on dumb luck even with one foot in the grave.

[It's how a sixteen year old boy won in the arena, despite holding his own guts in and seconds away from bleeding out. Haymitch believes in luck. Not enough to rely on it, but enough to know that even if you manipulate everything to be just so, it's only luck that wins you the prize.]

I'd rather stay out of the grave entirely.

[ It's muttered maybe a little more than necessary. Carolyn takes another drink -- at this rate, she might get tipsy before Haymitch has even had a taste out of this particular bottle. ]

Wouldn't we all? [Speaking of that bottle, he holds out a hand.] You might have needed that, but I brought it. [SO SHARE.] Was this the first person you've lost to the ship?

[He's lost everyone to it, pretty much. His kids, Mattie. Enough to numb him to it.]

[ Carolyn rolls her eyes slightly, but passes the bottle. ] No, not the first. We were just... closer than I'd had a chance to get with the others, and she was a good asset for us all.

[ She was a friend. ]

I haven't gotten that close with anyone. [Most he'd write off as a loss and move on. Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, and Annie were a little more complicated than that.] Don't see the point for that reason. You don't do it in the arena, so why bother here?

[He chuckles and takes a swig from the bottle. It is, at least, somewhat nice to have mentioned the damn arena to someone. Kazama was the only other person who got it and it was because his world was similar.] I lost four from Panem though, recently. [It occurs to him that he should follow that up with something, but all he does is chase it with another swig.]

We're not all from the arena. [ That's just what it comes down to. Carolyn has survival instincts but it was never her versus everyone else. That was always more Riddick's thing. ]

At once? [ She wants to say "I'm sorry" but she doesn't think he'll really appreciate it. ] There's only one person from home here, for me. I can barely think of four people that I might care about, if they showed up.

No, but you'll see where it helps if you do. [He gestures at her with the bottle and then hands it back to her.]

Gradually. [Not that it makes it better.] And you'd be keeping track of every one of them, wouldn't you? Worry yourself sick, probably.

[It's not a judgment. It's never a crime to actually care about things, but in Haymitch's experience, the more you care, the more you stand to lose. Of course, he has Peeta and Katniss to consider. And Annie and Finnick when they were here had made him closer to them even if they weren't his tributes.]

[ It's easier to drink from the bottle than reply to that first part, so she does. ]

If I cared about them and knew they couldn't handle themselves. [ Riddick can handle himself and he keeps track of her. Carolyn likes making sure he's still around, when she can, but in the end she knows she probably won't be able to find Riddick if he doesn't want her to find him. It's still a little difficult for her to admit, even to herself, that she occasionally wants to.

She takes another swig, then: ] Most of them are dead anyway. Not that it means much here.

[Another derisive snort.] People who actually can handle themselves are few and far between. Even the competent ones don't always make good judgment calls. [He waves a hand.] Or listen to the ones that do.

[Because the old drunkard has the best judgment here, clearly.] Not a bit, and we might all be dead in a few more months, but not for a lack of trying. I may not believe in the methods we're using to get by here, but it's worked so far.

[Which is as close as he'll admit that he's had doubts about mutiny. But Panem was fine "except for one or two things" too and it was desperately calling for a regime change.]

No, they don't. [ She knows that firsthand, too.

She's quiet then. She could tell him that she's already dead but she doesn't want to, doesn't want to put that on him or let it out in the open. She just takes another drink before offering him the bottle again. ] Somehow, yeah, it has.

[ And the most Carolyn's heard about mutiny was Magneto, and his idea was just fucking stupid, as far as she's concerned. ]

Somehow. [He nods and plucks the bottle from her hands to have his turn with it.] Can't bring myself to get too comfortable though- that's about when the trouble will start. The bigger troubles.

[His idea was stupid as hell- that they can agree on.]

Yeah. [ This is a depressing conversation, though she really doesn't expect much else from Haymitch. Instead she sighs, letting herself flop back against her bed for a bit. ] And we've got enough of the small ones already.

[You need more optimistic friends, Carolyn.]

At least the liquor hasn't run out yet. [He takes another swig as if to prove it- a big one.]

[ They'd probably just annoy her. ]

Yet. [ And Carolyn doesn't quite have the same tolerance that Haymitch does. It's why she's let herself flop down in the first place. ] You could always make your own, I guess.

I could. [He relaxes a bit in the chair he's sitting in.] Or just see how much rubbing alcohol they're keeping in the med bay.

[ There's a slight bit of effort exerted for Carolyn to lift her head and raise her eyebrow at him, but then she just flops back again. ] That's disgusting.

You work with what you have. [This is alcoholism in its worst form. This is meth addict levels of alcoholism.]

And if it kills you? [ It really is. Gross, Haymitch. ]

[Pondering on that very, very seriously.] Well. I'd probably go blind first. [His tone is the definition of "OH WELL."]

Because that's so much better. [ She's a pilot. Being blind means death of a different form. ]

[He leans forward a bit and rubs his face with the back of his hand.] Tell me something. Have you ever hallucinated?

[ Cryosleep can have complications, sometimes. She's never enjoyed it, never will, and it's the same with the jumps. She doesn't really want to answer that question with a definitive answer, though, so- ]

What does that have to do with anything?

You have them long enough or you have nightmares long enough, you start looking for a way to drown them. [He holds up the bottle.] Except when the liquor runs out, you're left with your own head and nothing to keep you out of it. So you improvise. The risks don't matter, as long as it kills what's in here. [He points at his own head.]

[ Nightmares. Those she understands. ] I just don't get as much sleep, [ she half-mumbles. Then, a little louder- ] If it's nightmares, could you exhaust yourself somehow? [ She does it, works on the shuttles all day and passes out in bed for a few dreamless hours.

After a moment, she adds: ] Being blind matters to a pilot, though.

I already don't sleep when it's dark. [He snorts.] Well, I'm not suggesting you take up drinking it, am I?

004 | video

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