008 [AUDIO]

[testgasm]

[And now, a public service announcement from your resident lord and master of gross exaggeration, poster child of pointless overreaction, supreme champion of the ninety-mile-an-hour whinge--]

There's a cow in the oxygen garden.

[He doesn't even bother to hide the undercurrent of disgust in the audio feed, an edge to his voice that makes it clear he's most likely had a recent run-in with the aforementioned cow and/or a cow by-product.]

There's a cow in the oxygen garden why is there a cow in the oxygen garden on what strange, bizarro planet did any of you think this was a good idea?

Agh, it's--nevermind, I'm absolutely positive that at least some of you come from strange, bizarro planets where this sort of thing is acceptable. I mean, the cats and the dogs and--I heard there's a horse, too--are bad enough, now we've got livestock.

And don't even--don't even get me started on the bloody birds. Filthy. Eugh.

I know we're probably still hung up on certain unnamed parties forgetting how to swim, and yes, fair enough, it's tragic, but I think we could all use a, ah. Friendly reminder. This is, in fact, a spaceship. Not a zoo. How is that--What's the point, anyway? It's all--it's all great that the ship packed up your giant killer wolf and dumped it in your locker just for you, but maybe the rest of us are not entirely comfortable with the idea of cows and horses and giant killer wolves out! Anyone think of that?

You can't walk five feet around here without running into someone's pet. We have got to start talking about what to do with all these animals. Honestly.

Comments

video

[walksonrooftops]

You're not supposed to touch the cow or the chickens.

[Or Jaye will yank your tail and/or other limbs. Asato knows. He's been there.]

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Not touching the cow! No plans to--to actually touch the livestock, that is...not exactly a thing I want to be doing, don't worry.

perma-vid here

[walksonrooftops]

Then what are you going to do with them? Jaye will be angry.

[testgasm]

Encourage...proper cleanup. Maintenance. Simple consideration for those of us who are...not entirely fond of these kinds of creatures.

She's plenty angry already, mate.

[walksonrooftops]

I think Jaye is going to clean up after them. She brought them here. So I don't think she wants to make anyone hate them. That's probably why she's angry, too.

The cow can't just live in the hallways, either.

[testgasm]

No, no, I definitely do not want the cow in the hallways. Oxygen gardens are just fine, provided the mess is taken care of. Which...seems to be happening. So that's good.

[walksonrooftops]

...That's a lot of noise to make over a cow. If it's fine for it to be in the garden.

[Not even an insult, just an observation. The most casual observation ever.]

[testgasm]

I just want the mess dealt with, that's all!

[walksonrooftops]

Won't Jaye deal with it? I thought she would.

There aren't many animals where you come from, are there?

[testgasm]

We've talked. Sorted it out, all...civil.

No, uh. Basically lived underground. Just birds, really. They'd sort of find their way in, on occasion.

[walksonrooftops]

Civil.

[Somehow he's kind of skeptical, since this is Jaye they're talking about, but he lets it slide. Doesn't really matter in the end.]

That's strange. Birds underground. You didn't eat the birds?

[testgasm]

Yeah, found their way in somehow. Not sure when. Laid eggs all over the place, then--then more birds. Didn't eat them, no. Didn't eat.

[walksonrooftops]

You could've eaten the eggs. Didn't you ever get hungry? These birds are going to give a lot of eggs too.

[testgasm]

Haha, no, I didn't have to eat. Couldn't have, even if I wanted to. Nowhere for it to go, really.

[walksonrooftops]

That's strange.

[Really, really strange. Enough to actually make him pause for a little and contemplate a life without food.

He doesn't want to think about that for too long.]

Maybe it'd be nice to get a pet too. That way you can get used to it.

[testgasm]

Sort of normal, I'd think, for a robot.

[P A U S E]

Me? Get a pet? I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

[walksonrooftops]

If you got a pet too, you could understand what it's like. A lot of people here have pets, so there must be something good about them.

You could even find out you like pets.

[testgasm]

I mean, I'm pretty sure I don't, but what kind of animal would you recommend?

[walksonrooftops]

Um. [That's a tough one, because he doesn't even know the concept of something like "hamster", and most of the animals he can think of right away are more likely to try and eat someone than make a good pet.]

Something small. Like a vole, or something like that.

[testgasm]

[What is--]

Sorr, a what?

[walksonrooftops]

They're little animals. I see them sometimes where I come from. [The "but we eat them" part, he leaves out.] They're small and they eat plants, so maybe that would be good.

[testgasm]

Oh.

That doesn't sound too bad.

[walksonrooftops]

Yeah. You'd just have to be careful not to lose it.

[testgasm]

Right, the, ah. Smallness. And all.

And they don't bite?

[walksonrooftops]

I've never had one for a pet, so I don't know. When I hold them, they try to bite me. But people here keep animals for reasons other than to eat them, so maybe it'll be different.