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[As the camera clicks on, those who know Remus will notice how tired he looks. Not simply as if he hasn't gotten a night's sleep, but truly exhausted-- as if he's been on a long journey, or suffered some great hardship. The circles beneath his eyes are too dark, and there's a long pink scar forming on his right cheek.

Still, he gives the camera a smile, albeit a tired and nervous one.]

Ah-- hello. I do hope this is working properly; I haven't precisely had much practice with cameras. But-- yes. My name is Remus Lupin, and, as most of you know, I've been technically on-board the Tranquility for some months now. However, I've no memory of this-- really, it's as if this is my first month. So please, if I knew you but you haven't heard from me in a while, it's nothing to do with you, I assure you.

[The smile fades now.]

Which brings me to my second point. I've, ah, heard it said that I was rather free with this information, so I suppose it's no longer a secret. But--

[He glances behind him uncertainly, as if seeking support from someone unseen, and then nods.]

Well. I'm a werewolf. No jokes, please, I assure you I've heard them all. And-- well, we're taking every safety precaution we know, Sirius and I, but-- just so you know. I'll post up what days I'm dangerous, simply so no one stops by my room while I'm changed.

[He gives them a thin smile.]

And finally: a simple question. How many people, precisely, have duplicates or twins aboard the ship? Not biologically, I mean, but-- people who look like that, for no discernible reason at all.

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[Ugh what]

Fine. Then do.

[Immediately, and very quickly in one breath:]

What sort of horse goes out after dark!

A nightmare.

Ta-daaah!

That was terrible.

It was only terrible because you'd heard it before. I'll do one you haven't heard and you'll have to laugh.

It was terrible because it was a pun.

Oh, come off it. You can't seriously hate all puns. That was a bad pun, anyway, that was its purpose. That's what makes it amusing.

So provide a good pun.

[Thinkingggggg....]

Bits of string?

...Sorry?

You haven't heard the one about the bits of string, have you? Three bits of string walk into a bar...

...No. I don't know this one.

Oh, well, then! Three bits of strings walk in, right. Two of them sit down, the other goes up to ask for three pints, and the bartender says, oi, we don't serve bits of string here!

So the bit of string goes back to his mates and explains, they don't serve bits of string. The second bit goes up and asks for three pints, and the bartender says again, oi, we don't serve bits of string here!

So he goes back to his mates, right, and explains the situation. Are you with me so far?

Having accepted the fantastical premise, I am, yes.

Right, so. The third bit of string, it's his go, so he goes on up to the bar and asks for the drinks, and the bartender sends him packing. Only this time, when he gets back to his mates--the three of them tie themselves together, right, really tightly, and all go back up to the bar. Ratty old bits of string, tied together... So the bartender sees them and says, here, aren't you one of those bits of string? and the bits of string say, no, I'm a frayed knot.

[TA DAAAA says the expectant silence.]

...Clever.

--Nothing? Really, nothing?

I said it was clever.

Yes, but nothing else? Not even a single pity laugh?

It was clever, Black. It was funny. I nearly laughed aloud.

Oh, very nearly--we can do better than that, surely. Oi, that reminds me, did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off last Jump?

...This is another joke, right?

Oh, don't worry, he's all right now!

Wait - there truly was someone?