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007 [AUDIO]
[Hey sup Tranquility IT'S WHEATLEY TIME. And if you don't know what that entails, YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT. Spoiler alert: it's a lot of petulant British whining.]
Yes, right, hello, sort of been a while, hasn't it? Two things. Well, three, I suppose, if you want to get technical.
One. I am...okay, I'll be honest, I'm in the market for a weapon. And a haircut. Either/or, really. I suppose the weapon is--is the more pressing issue, because, well, obviously we've got a monster problem on board. I saw the science department; you can't convince me there aren't other...abominations of that nature hiding away on this ship, and I'd rather not experience another situation where it's me, and no weapon, versus a bunch of vicious animals out for my blood. Sure, it's all well and good if the powers that be dump an entire arsenal in your locker, but some of us didn't have arsenals back home. Some of us had flashlights, which, for the record, I was not allowed to keep.
The haircut is...slightly less pressing, but I do think I need to look into it. I was under the impression that it would quit growing eventually, you know, reach a maximum length and then stop, but we're going on…what? Eight months? And that does--that does not seem to be the case. If it hurts, someone might want to let me know, and we'll just forget it, but honestly, I will never understand how any of you deal with all these pointless functions. Ridiculous.
I don't exactly have a lot to offer but I would...very much like to work something out, if possible. We can--we can negotiate.
Have I mentioned how hard it is to participate in our little established barter system when you don't have possessions? It's difficult, in case you were wondering, especially when you need weapons, or haircuts, or maybe clothing that isn't covered in buttons and zippers and laces. I mean, for god's sake, I'm starting to pawn of my furniture to get what I need around here.
Third. Mostly unrelated to points one and two, but still important. Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science, seems to have mysteriously vanished, as people tend to do around here. Seeing as I was his appointed personal assistant, I'll be assuming leadership of the company from here on out. All inquiries regarding Aperture activity can be directed to me. [hay GLaDOS haaaaay]
Oh, and--four things. I lied, I had four things. Ward or Resnik, when either of you have a moment--I'm sure your moments are few and far between but in the event you do feel like giving me the time of day, I've just got a question. Quick one. Won't take any time at all.
Yes, right, hello, sort of been a while, hasn't it? Two things. Well, three, I suppose, if you want to get technical.
One. I am...okay, I'll be honest, I'm in the market for a weapon. And a haircut. Either/or, really. I suppose the weapon is--is the more pressing issue, because, well, obviously we've got a monster problem on board. I saw the science department; you can't convince me there aren't other...abominations of that nature hiding away on this ship, and I'd rather not experience another situation where it's me, and no weapon, versus a bunch of vicious animals out for my blood. Sure, it's all well and good if the powers that be dump an entire arsenal in your locker, but some of us didn't have arsenals back home. Some of us had flashlights, which, for the record, I was not allowed to keep.
The haircut is...slightly less pressing, but I do think I need to look into it. I was under the impression that it would quit growing eventually, you know, reach a maximum length and then stop, but we're going on…what? Eight months? And that does--that does not seem to be the case. If it hurts, someone might want to let me know, and we'll just forget it, but honestly, I will never understand how any of you deal with all these pointless functions. Ridiculous.
I don't exactly have a lot to offer but I would...very much like to work something out, if possible. We can--we can negotiate.
Have I mentioned how hard it is to participate in our little established barter system when you don't have possessions? It's difficult, in case you were wondering, especially when you need weapons, or haircuts, or maybe clothing that isn't covered in buttons and zippers and laces. I mean, for god's sake, I'm starting to pawn of my furniture to get what I need around here.
Third. Mostly unrelated to points one and two, but still important. Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science, seems to have mysteriously vanished, as people tend to do around here. Seeing as I was his appointed personal assistant, I'll be assuming leadership of the company from here on out. All inquiries regarding Aperture activity can be directed to me. [hay GLaDOS haaaaay]
Oh, and--four things. I lied, I had four things. Ward or Resnik, when either of you have a moment--I'm sure your moments are few and far between but in the event you do feel like giving me the time of day, I've just got a question. Quick one. Won't take any time at all.
no subject
[He doesn't, really, but it's not like anyone really knows what neurotic robots do in their spare time.
What he knows is that he needs to think about something else, something that doesn't remind him of all the things he was built to do.
But he stops, obviously curious as to what Topher means.]
What is it?
no subject
I-
[I'm not like the others, I swear. I'm not gonna screw this up. I can get one thing right. I won't hurt you.]
I mean, you-
[You can trust me. You don't have to be afraid of me.
He gives up.]
I have no idea where I was going with that. [He shuts the laptop, like it's some sort of signal that he's ready to close out the conversation before he says something really stupid.] It'll be fine, though. You're in good hands. Safe hands.
[He pulls the laptop off the edge of the machine and starts to walk past, stopping and raising a hand like he might clap him on the shoulder reassuringly, but he pulls back awkwardly and just sort of nods, instead, before he moves on ahead.] See you around.
no subject
It doesn't.]
That's--that's fine. That's okay. I know.
[He doesn't know. He hopes, and shies away in anticipation of a touch that doesn't actually come.]
Well, you, ah. Know how to find me if you need me.