♓ ＴＥＸＴ。

[fronds]

[ while eridan might be sulking about his argument with feferi, she really has no problems with moving on immediately. so he can mope forever, if he wants. she is going to make some friends. ... she's also either ignoring the serious mood on the network right now, or she's completely oblivious to it. ]

)(ello, alien lifeforms! T)(is is your empress speaking!
)(-E)(-E)(-E, I'm kidding. I'm only t)(e would-be empress. 38)
Let's start again, s)(ell we? I'll be searious t)(is time! No more clownfis)(ing around, so listen up, buoys and gills.
Feferi Peixes is now aboard t)(e Trankrillity!
To be )(onest, I was )(oping to be somew)(ere else, but t)(ere's no )(arm in s)(aring new experiences! I've never been in space wit)( ALI-ENS before, so t)(is is an adventure! I'm getting -EXCIT--ED just t)(inking about it!!!

Two t)(ings! Firstly, I am planning a CORPS--E )(UNT! But according to some stupid grumpygills, it's too DANG-EROUS to go alone.
Does anyone want to come wit)( me? It'll be an ADV-ENTUR----E!!
And also, I know t)(at -Eridan Ampora )(as made )(imself aquainted wit)( a lot of people )(ere...
So, I'd like to )(ear w)(at )(e's been up to, if nobody minds.

But enoug)( about t)(at, I'm ready to take part in some cultural mingling! >38O
Come on in )(ere and glub wit)( me, ok? I want to meet ----EVERYON-E!!!!!

( ooc | handy translation here! just make a note if you'd prefer me to reply with voice/video. ♥ )

Comments

( TEXT )

[wont]

[ Um. ]

Dear stranger, I believe your speaking box may be broken.

text;

[ironnanny]

[ Okay he just has to fix all of this. You are breaking his AI butler brain with your nonsense, so he posts this text as a service to any other readers. Sorry, Feferi 8( I think this might be the second time this happened to you. ]

Hello, alien lifeforms! This is your empress speaking!
Hehehe, I'm kidding. I'm only the would-be empress. :)
Let's start again, shell (*shall) we? I'll be searious (*serious) this time! No more clownfishing (*clowning) around, so listen up, buoys (*boys) and gills (*girls).
Feferi Peixes is now aboard the Trankrillity (*Tranquility)!
To be honest, I was hoping to be somewhere else, but there's no harm in sharing new experiences! I've never been in space with ALIENS before, so this is an adventure! I'm getting EXCITED just thinking about it!!!

Two things! Firstly, I am planning a CORPSE HUNT (*???)! But according to some stupid grumpygills (*???), it's too DANGEROUS to go alone.
Does anyone want to come with me? It'll be an ADVENTURE!!
And also, I know that Eridan Ampora has made himself aquainted with a lot of people here...
So, I'd like to hear what he's been up to, if nobody minds.

But enough about that, I'm ready to take part in some cultural mingling! >:O
Come on in here and glub (*???, possibly 'socialize', 'gab') with me, okay? I want to meet EVERYONE!!!!!

[not here; possibly moar later]

[syllogism]

[ Fuck, no.

Oh god, no.

No, why?

Why is she here?

Dammit.]

( TEXT )

[fronds]

It's broken? O)( no!
Am I not coming t)(roug)( CL-EARLY? Testing!!! Glub. 38(

[more stuff that's not here]

[syllogism]

[ Tridents, people. There are fucking tridents all over the damn post, and she has the audacity to joke around about being the Empress???

Two Daves, and this place became heaven.

One Empress Condesce, and this place has become hell. ]

( TEXT )

[wont]

It seems as though there is something wrong with your words.
There are letters missing and strange symbols and

What is a 'glub'?

text;

[fronds]

W)(at's wit)( all t)(ese )(umans being RUD-E??? S)(ees)(! Way to be culturally insensitive!
Or blind! Is my quirk really t)(at glubbing )(ard to read? 38(
Look, I'm not going to bite your head off! Why is it so hard for everyone to POLITELY ask me to cut the carp!!

text;

[ironnanny]

I would not be the correct one to ask, as I am not human.

I am merely offering a service for those with issues reading your 'quirk', such as the young woman who believes your incorrect spellings and aquatically related puns are an error of the machine rather than the user.

[ He's the most polite. ]

( TEXT )

[fronds]

O)(, I S-E--E!!!
You can't read my typing quirk, right? Golly, humans sure are blind!
'Glub' is whatever you would like it to be! But mostly it's a sound I make. I can't control the glubs.
Glub glub glub.

( TEXT )

[wont]

[ There is actually a moment when Alayne, alone in her room, actually says the word glub aloud. Then again, three times in succession just as it's been written: Glub glub glub.

How very strange. ]

You will forgive me, I hope.
I did not mean any offense.
I come from a world where such things do not exist.
And so I've yet to grow familiar with all the subtleties involved.

Are you not human?

text;

[fronds]

HEY, don't call them an error! I work hard on my fish puns!!!
Not to mention my quirk, which is a part of who I am!
But does that mean I shouldn't use it from now on? Glub...

( TEXT )

[fronds]

That's ok! I haven't met many other species yet either.
Hey, maybe we can learn cultural sensitivity together!

Nope! I'm a troll.
A sea-dwelling troll, even! Hahaha.

voice.

[shoyu]

[ oh my god it took him so much squinting and puzzling to understand even half of this. ]

Is -- is, ah --

[ have some fumbling as he struggles to switch to text ]

38)

[ and back to voice, since he cannot handle this texting business ]

-- that meant to be a face?

[ people have been slowly teaching him about emoticons okay ]

( TEXT )

[wont]

Cultural sensitivity.
And where does one go to learn such a thing?

I've made the acquaintance of a troll before,
though I do not believe she dwelt in the sea.
Would she make glubs were that the case?
They seem a watery sound to me.

Glub glub glub.

voice.

[fronds]

[ well, since people seem to be having such trouble with text, she'll respond to a voice reply in kind! maybe people can stop complaining then, sheesh. ]

Yes! It's a bit of a personalised emoticon, heheh. The three represents my tiara, and the eight is my goggles!

( TEXT )

[fronds]

I think it is just learnt from EXPERIENCE!
I've never heard of a cultural sensitivity education centre before. But then again, multiculturalism is discouraged on my planet.
(Which is a load of CARP, if you ask me!!!)

Possibly! It is a very fishy sound.

( TEXT )

[wont]

EXPERIENCE!

[ Yes, that takes her much longer than she'd ever admit to type out. ]

They say experience makes for a good teacher.
I do believe I would enjoy embarking on such an expedition with you.
So long as it does not require venturing into far and dark places aboard the ship.

[ It's a joke! Though...perhaps doesn't quite come across as one given the medium of text. ]

You favor fish then.
Have you a love for cats as well?

[ She thinks of Nepeta and her predilection for such things. ]

text;

[ironnanny]

I'm sure. A point of individualized style, albeit confusing to those less acquainted to technology as it is.

I suspect it is dependent on the recipient. I am able to interpret and thus do not require you hold back on your quirk.

( TEXT )

[fronds]

Heehee! Well, I guess corpse hunting isn't a very good starting point for multicultural experiences.
If you don't want to explore, that's fine! I'm sure there are plenty of other things for us to do.
We can share our knowledge through being FRIENDS.

Not really... Oh! Maybe you know Nepeta?
She is ALL ABOUT cats!

text;

[fronds]

Really? T)(ANK YOU!!!!
I don't mean to be rude, but it is so )(ARD to drop it! It doesn't feel rig)(t at all.
So, if you aren't a )(uman, t)(en w)(at are you?

( TEXT )

[wont]

Yes, Nepeta, she seems to enjoy cats very much.
More so than anyone I've ever met before, troll or otherwise.
She is acquaintence of both myself and my companions.
Are the two of you friends?

[ It takes a while for her to add: ]

Why ever would you wish to hunt for a corpse?

[not here, never again; final reaction]

[syllogism]

[ Ok, ok. Back it up.

She says she wants to have adventures and cultural experiences. Says she's never been in space before with other aliens. (Why, is it because the conqueror bitch killed all the other aliens up there?) Her Imperious Condescension certainly knows how to make an entrance. He hadn't really thought too much about the girl who Eridan was talking to, but everything's starting to make sense now. Fish puns? Tridents? How long before she truly rears her ugly head? She's already insulted by the way humans can't read her damn typing quirk. What's next, human reproduction?

For once, Dirk himself is feeling terribly skittish. Somewhere inside, he's trying not to jump the gun. A small part of him wants to think that this is all a bad joke. (Or wants to think that things will somehow be different, that maybe she is different.) But he'd only risen up against the Condesce and upset Derse's order only a few months ago, right before he first arrived. "The Prince is awake. Your shit is wrecked." That's what he'd said before absconding, not to be found until he was ready to come out.

Then, he arrived here. Though it was months ago, the reality's so clear in his mind.

And now, she's here.

The Condesce is here. His shit is wrecked cause the destroyer of the human race has arrived. Maybe she seems innocent now, but none of you know any better. This is just like with Crockercorp, guys. Don't be fooled.

His hands are now shaking the same way that they did right after he'd killed the Brute. His mouth is dry, and he feels a lump that he can't seem to swallow in his throat.

...

He's probably been standing in the same place for ten minutes before finally deciding that he's gotta find somewhere else to hide. Can't stay in his room, can't linger in other places for too long. Always on the run. Probably will never fucking sleep ever again. ]

( TEXT )

[fronds]

I'm happy to hear that she's been making friends here! She's a very nice troll.
I'm afraid we aren't CLOSE, but yes, I would call her my friend!

-Eridan had a theory about people not really going home from the ship sometimes! He said that maybe the bodies could be STUCK somewhere.
So, of course I decided to INVESTIGATE!!

( TEXT )

[wont]

But that sounds awful.
Are there not better things for a would-be empress to do with her time?

text;

[kingofbabylon]

oh i know eridan very well. we're practically best friends here by now - one step away from interlocking bracelets. and let me tell you, he's been having a part - drunk every day before noon, cruising every hot piece of ass that wanders by, cursing at elderly women and preachers. man, that eridan. he's really gone full tilt.