[voice] eridan's guide to being a responsible thirteen-year-old member of security

[uncodlyawwesome]

[Eridan has managed to tone down his usual "Look I Am Being Very Serious And You Need To Listen To Me" pompousness; instead of sounding like a whiny kid, he actually manages to sound kind of level headed and generally not too fucking crazy.]

Givven that wwe all knoww wwhat happened to, uh, Hotspur... [He'd seen the guy around, he's pretty sure he might've talked to him, but more importantly, that final transmission was more mentally scarring than he'd like to let on, so he tries to be a little casual and calm about that.] I think wwe might wwant to look into startin' some neww fuckin' regulations around here.

For those'a you wwho don't knoww, Hotspur wwas one'a the guys wwho came here in the first jump that actually started fuckin' bringin' us all in. An' wwhat happened to him - the screamin', an' the dyin' an' all that - is wwhat happens wwhen you aren't in your gravv couch wwhen the jump hits. You die. You die really fuckin' horribly.

I'm definitely sure wwe're gonna figure out wwho fucked him ovver an' wwe are gonna deal wwith them, [and there's a definite threat,] but until wwe do, wwe gotta consider some neww precautions an' suchlike.

For one, I propose that wwe start filin' ourselvves in for the jump a lot earlier. Say, you gotta be there about an hour before wwe're due, yeah? So that wway, if someone is... lost, or fuckin' stuck, or somethin', wwe'll havve time to go find them. Because... I don't wwanna hear that shit evver again.

[He heaves a sigh that doesn't sound that shaky, thank god.] I knoww like, half'a you are probably goin' "wwhat the fuck is Eridan tryin' to do, bein' all official an' shit," but I'm part'a security, okay? This is like, all I got to offer right noww. The firm, strongly fuckin' wworded suggestion that wwe try not to let ourselvves get caught somewwhere wwhere wwe can't... savve ourselvves. Or be savved.

That's all I got, I guess. Anyone else got any bright ideas?

Comments

voice;

[fronds]

Oh no, that's terrible! I'm glad you're helping everyone with smart ideas like that, Eridan. [ as 100% genuine as she always is. she's pleased by both the fact that he's making intelligent suggestions instead of panicking, and by the fact that he's doing something that actively helps people. ] Is there a list of the people on board so that someone can check names off as we're going in? Maybe we won't miss anybody that way.

voice;

[uncodlyawwesome]

[oh my god he's so reluctant to talk with her on a public transmission where anyone can butt in jack dirk ianto fucking jones and saint fucking kitten BUT NO HE IS GOING TO DO THIS]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is, but I dunno howw fuckin' accurate it is. Probably gettin' better at keepin' up wwith the neww arrivvals an' disappearances, but still.

[fronds]

[ get over it buddy, you're talking to the queen of over-sharing and nosiness anyway. ]

An inaccurate list is better than nothing. Think of how awful it would be if someone was left behind because no one realised they were missing!

video;

[handelaar]

[So he's totally ignoring anything emotional here and focusing on the practical, bureaucratic shit.]

We should prob'ly do a headcount, day before. [Because, well.] An hour ain't long enough to find someone who's lost in the middle of the damn ship.



[Oh, yeah. He belatedly nods in greeting, sort of. Hi, screechy brat Eridan.]

video;

[uncodlyawwesome]

[oh look YOU.]

Yeah, sure, that'll fuckin' be useful, except for the part wwhere this happened right before the jump. Wwe need to be in the room in enough time to givve us a chance'a findin' people wwho maybe got locked in somewwhere or somethin'.

video;

[handelaar]

[Yep HIM.

Oh well. They started out civil.]

I saw that, dipshit. Wasn't talkin' about that kinda thing.

[Also.]

Two hours, then.

video;

[soothing]

[ Okay, so she's new, but this... child? this being is being both informative and, well, he has a good idea. ]

It could be organized easily enough -- medical staff to assist with the couches, perhaps to do the headcounts as well, and then a security team -- or a team with useful abilities, if they aren't on security -- who can find their way through the ship and into any closed-off rooms.

[ Pause. ]

And maybe engineering could attempt to make the lifts faster, though I'm sure they have enough on their plate already.

video;

[uncodlyawwesome]

The main thing is that wwe gotta make sure nobody's off pretendin' to be a fuckin' hero wwhen wwe're about to hit a jump, since cod fuckin' knowws - [oh shit not supposed to use fish puns ok well maybe fef won't see it] - that, uh. There are plenty'a people wwho do that kinda shit around here.

Might as wwell ask engineerin' if they're wwillin' to help us out, I guess.

video;

[soothing]

[ Being a hero. Yeah, she knows someone like that. ]

And of course people might not cooperate. [ Hmmm. ] It's an excellent idea, though.

How do people know the jumps are coming now?

voice;

[coffeeking]

That's...a good idea.

[Color him completely shocked]

voice;

[uncodlyawwesome]

Wwoww, thanks for soundin' completely unsurprised by the revvelation that I gotta levvel fuckin' head, Jones. That's real fuckin' nice'a you, I'm dowwnright wwarm an' tingly inside from that vvote'a fuckin' confidence.

text;

[syllogism]

Sounds like someone's in love.

[text, by the way].

[insufferableprick]

cant say im up to speed with everything that went down
being new and all
but if you need to buy time
i can afford it

[not here]

[syllogism]

[ So this douchebag must be the other one.

/le sign.

Wait, he types just like some guy who replied to Dirk when he'd first arrived. Could they be one and the same? Where've he and Davesprite been hiding all this time?

Man, there are so many questions. ]

[text] not like it's hard for us to tell THANK GOD FOR QUIRKS

[uncodlyawwesome]

wwait wwhat

[oh another person who disappeared and showed up without knowing what's going on okay]

nevvermind dumb question ignore that
actually no that is a good question wwhat are you talkin about

oh let me guess
time player

[give eridan some credit, he's learned that people who type with weird fonts around here usually are from his universe]

[statsraaden]

Actually, that's an excellent idea. We should have thought about this before. [By 'we' he doesn't mean 'you', but rather 'himself'.]

voice

[therangerking]

It should be of ease to gather a list of passengers. [ A beat. ] Though to match names to faces might give difficulty.

text

[syllogism]

There've been suggestions to create passenger lists in the past, but they were met with some degree of resistance.

voice

[uncodlyawwesome]

Wwe could try to make a vvisual reference, I guess, if wwe just took pictures'a people or somethin'.

Text

[realslimstrider]

new comer from sburb number two here
ill even make this easy on you im a sprite
anyway
mind giving me a run down of exactly what happened
whatever youre up to telling me
seeing as my duty is to gather information and all that shit
caw

Text

[uncodlyawwesome]

wwhat part do you need clarifyin
the part wwhere if you arent in the gravv couches by the time the jump starts you suffer a painful screamin death that haunts the nightmares a fuckin evveryone forevver
or the part wwhere a long standin member a the creww got locked in a room just before the jump because he apparently found shit out about the former captain a the uss evverythin is fuckin insane

audio;

[kingofbabylon]

[ He never ever ever ever ever wants to hear that again and he's going to be having nightmares of it for a while, because Justin is not even equipped for this horror movie style bullshit. It's with a slight shake in his voice that he answers. ]

I'd be behind that idea. The one hour early thing. [ There's a slow exhale and the rustling of fabric as he runs a hand over his face. ] Shit.

audio;

[uncodlyawwesome]

[Wow, Justin actually sounds pretty fucked over, and... isn't snarking, which is basically Eridan's litmus test to see how people are feeling. If they snark at him, they're okay. If they don't, they're probably not.]

It's not like you're gonna get lost or trapped or anythin', so... don't wworry about it. [...He's trying to be reassuring. He just doesn't know how to tell someone to not be freaked out by something he himself is freaked out by.]

[saint_kitten]

Oh, Eridan, darling, you're growing up!

[uncodlyawwesome]

Ugh, wwhy is evveryone actin' like I'm not alwways managin' to keep afloat around here? I'm a lot smarter than you people givve me credit for.