006 [TEXT + AUDIO]

[testgasm]

need some help wiping a data pad

it's ratchet's and i think he's disappeared so i'm just going to borrow it but it's full of frankly explicit information concerning the propagation of his species

seriously this is much more than i ever needed to know about alien robots that aren't really robots

i mean i knew that bloke was a lot of things but i didn't think pervert was necessarily one of them until now i suppose

before anyone asks: tried hacking

no good at cybertronian encryption and you can't honestly blame me for that one because aliens

fake-robot alien perverts

anyway i'd like all this rubbish cleared off because data pads are nice things to own and I enjoy owning things just not things full of unnecessary information regarding alien robot procreation

and i know there are at least a few of you who could do it because you're all a bunch of big shot hackers mucking about in the subnetwork dredging up creepy hit lists written by an emoticon

interested parties please reply within or come to medbay either works

W

PS apologies for improper punctuation/capitalization/syntax. not feeling well, typing difficult, sick of fingers etc etc

---failed lock to 001 » 136 (HAL 9000) -- 10%---

[In the event anyone is wondering why the heck this guy decided to type things today, a poorly-encrypted voice post is the answer. Wheatley maybe sounds a little like he's been hit by a truck.]

I don't--

Maybe you won't get this message. I hope you get this message; for all I know you could still be off on your walk, or lost, or something, ha, well, no, that's not funny. Sorry, that's…not funny at all. We haven't made the lists, in case you were wondering what you've…been missing.

I missed a few things, too, I think. I--it's--I'm not sure how long I was out, exactly. Must've been less than a month, because I don't recall a jump, but--

Just say something, if you're still here.

Comments

[testgasm]

it's not like i do it on purpose

[handelaar]

[All that gets is a short explosion of sound as his breath leaves him, halfway between a scoff and a laugh.]

[testgasm]

what

[handelaar]

So they just follow you around, huh.

[testgasm]

i guess so

[handelaar]

Not a straight answer.

[testgasm]

maybe i just naturally attract them

[handelaar]

Doubt it.

[testgasm]

how else would you explain it

[handelaar]

[Does he have to lay it out for -

...

Right.]

Other way around, you bug them.

[testgasm]

if that were true then they'd leave me alone

which they obviously do not

[handelaar]

You're like a fly gettin' annoyed with a cow's tail.

[testgasm]

what's that supposed to mean

[handelaar]

...have ya ever seen a cow.

[Suddenly this is burning question.]

[testgasm]

pictures

maybe a video once

[handelaar]

Did ya ever leave - [Uh.] - wherever ya were. See the world. That - that kinda thing.

[testgasm]

i did

but not really how i expected to

i've never been outside if that's what you mean

[handelaar]

Explain.

[Dude that doesn't make a lick of sense.]

[testgasm]

built in an underground research facility

didn't exactly get out much

didn't exactly get out at all

[handelaar]

Ya just said y'did.

[testgasm]

not how i wanted to

[handelaar]

But ya did.

[testgasm]

i ended up in space

that doesn't count

[handelaar]

[Well. There aren't any cows in space, that he knows. But still, the question remains - ]

How.

[testgasm]

it's not really any of your business if i'm honest