testgasm: <lj site="livejournal.com" user="relicfragments"> (seriously how hard is it to say apple)
WHEATLEY ([personal profile] testgasm) wrote in [community profile] ataraxion2012-06-06 08:35 pm

006 [TEXT + AUDIO]

need some help wiping a data pad

it's ratchet's and i think he's disappeared so i'm just going to borrow it but it's full of frankly explicit information concerning the propagation of his species

seriously this is much more than i ever needed to know about alien robots that aren't really robots

i mean i knew that bloke was a lot of things but i didn't think pervert was necessarily one of them until now i suppose

before anyone asks: tried hacking

no good at cybertronian encryption and you can't honestly blame me for that one because aliens

fake-robot alien perverts

anyway i'd like all this rubbish cleared off because data pads are nice things to own and I enjoy owning things just not things full of unnecessary information regarding alien robot procreation

and i know there are at least a few of you who could do it because you're all a bunch of big shot hackers mucking about in the subnetwork dredging up creepy hit lists written by an emoticon

interested parties please reply within or come to medbay either works

W

PS apologies for improper punctuation/capitalization/syntax. not feeling well, typing difficult, sick of fingers etc etc


---failed lock to 001 » 136 (HAL 9000) -- 10%---

[In the event anyone is wondering why the heck this guy decided to type things today, a poorly-encrypted voice post is the answer. Wheatley maybe sounds a little like he's been hit by a truck.]

I don't--

Maybe you won't get this message. I hope you get this message; for all I know you could still be off on your walk, or lost, or something, ha, well, no, that's not funny. Sorry, that's…not funny at all. We haven't made the lists, in case you were wondering what you've…been missing.

I missed a few things, too, I think. I--it's--I'm not sure how long I was out, exactly. Must've been less than a month, because I don't recall a jump, but--

Just say something, if you're still here.
andblockbuster: (Got that handle undercover in Hanoi.)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
Hold it up to something magnetic. [It is a legit suggestion. Many a man's porn collection has been lost to twitchy, yet powerful, magnets.

And Topher claims no responsibility for the things he did in college.]
andblockbuster: (I'ma let you finish.)

[Voice]

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
Since I'm pretty sure you don't have a metal skeleton, I think it'll be okay.
andblockbuster: (I came out of my mom's butthole.)

[perma-voice]

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
Because if you did, you wouldn't bleed so much. [WELL.

YOU WOULDN'T.]
andblockbuster: (What the Hell is an Aluminum Falcon?)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
Okay. Let's look at the facts here.

How many times have you been punched?
andblockbuster: (Whatchoo talkin' about Pegasus?)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
[He has to pause, because WOW. HE WAS EXPECTING A "ONCE OR TWICE. GOD. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?" But... Oh well. That's Wheatley for you.]

And in any those times... did anyone actually break their hand punching you?
andblockbuster: (Yes Talking Cleavage)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
You definitely don't have a metal skeleton, but on the plus side, you are way more hardcore than you look. Right on.

[Topher has never actually... landed a hit on anyone in his entire life.

Except a one-armed girl.

So congratulations, Wheatley. You are officially more of a badass than Topher Brink.]
andblockbuster: (Warning: Apple pies are hot.)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:40 am (UTC)(link)
[Watch that fly right... under Topher's head. Whoosh.]

Is "tough" better? Not in the... Ruggedly manly sense, but in the "I get knocked down, but I get up again" sense. I've seen a few blows to the face over the years... Usually, I just... Lay there and wait for the bleeding to stop.

And, honestly, I don't know whether I should feel terrible about myself right now or inspired.

andblockbuster: (Whatchoo talkin' about Pegasus?)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:49 am (UTC)(link)
[...No, really, Wheatley. WHAT.]

I don't... Think I'm following where you're leading.
godofthemachine: (HATE HATE HATE)

[personal profile] godofthemachine 2012-06-07 03:54 am (UTC)(link)
It's obvious you have little skill in hacking. Your filtering skills are rather poor. Tell HAL I said hi.

There's a little group of people offering hacking lessons.
andblockbuster: (That's a gambling term.)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
Y'know, for a guy-slash-robot who claims he has nothing to hide, you are really secretive. Just a... casual observation. No need to get all... You about it.
godofthemachine: (Ha ha I'm superior)

Perma-text

[personal profile] godofthemachine 2012-06-07 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
[Yes he guessed correctly does he win a cookie?]

I'm merely stating the truth, my dear Wheatley.
andblockbuster: (Glad you got all dressed up)

[personal profile] andblockbuster 2012-06-07 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
You're a what now? Wait. Hold on. [... Yeah, no. No part of that... sounds like what he was imagining... Also no part of that sounds like something that ought to be a functional entity into itself, as it sounds like something you put on a robot (YEAH, ABOUT THAT)- wtf Aperture.] So you weren't, like, some bipedal human-shaped neurotic robot?
Edited 2012-06-07 04:04 (UTC)
godofthemachine: (Genuinely happy?)

[personal profile] godofthemachine 2012-06-07 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?

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