Voice

[pocketfulofsouls]

[ There's a voice full of gravel and smoke (fire and brimstone) crackling over the airwaves the 'evening' of the jump. ]

Welcome, welcome, boys and girls, to the Good Ship Lollipop.

I assume you've all had a bit of time to wipe that placenta off of your faces from what we call the gravpouches and settle in. And some of you more clever lot may have even had time to read over the welcome message procured by one of your fellow travelers.

But if you haven't, here's the skinny: you're in space. That's right - drifting in a frigate in a galaxy far, far away. No, we don't know how you got here. No, we don't know why, exactly, you're here. Have some dignity and do stop asking us for information on it - it gets extremely tiresome after about the second broadcast.

Do have a sniff around for that information. You may find a lot of those burning questions are answered there.

I'm here, though, to tell you about some things you haven't quite thought of yet.

First off, on the issue of leadership - the official text answer is that you talk to Ward and Resnik. They're driving. However, ask anyone who's been here for a month without their fingers in their ears and you'll hear that this show is run by Captain James Tiberius Kirk - yes, that Kirk, for all you Trekkies. Try not to wet yourselves.

Secondly! If you are human - congratulations! You are the 99%. If you're not, and you have a diet that consists of flesh, blood, or human misery, you might just want to keep that to yourselves. Or talk to Kirk or those boys in the medbay; word on the air is that they're running some sort of soup kitchen.

Finally, for those of you who are wondering about what's on the itinerary for your forced vacation, let me give you a summation of what our delightful host has prepared for us in the past few months. There's been: halls that do a great impression of Endless Youtube, skeletons in the hallway, strange sigils on the wall, hostile alien take-overs, and, just this last month, demon infestation!

Do you feel as if you're being watched? Well, you are, if anything our red-fonted, smiley friend with no traceable source is any sort of authority. I think some people have postulated that the ship itself is alive and, in fact, responsible for bringing us here. It must have gotten bored of its old crew, but after seeing a few of you sorry sods in the locker room this morning, I'm going to have to question its taste a bit.

Well, I think that's about it. If you've got any interesting questions, I might just answer them.

I'm sure a few of you are about to be very cross with me for spilling the beans, and here's my rebuttal: Shame on you. These people deserve to know the truth of what they're in for, especially if they're smart enough to have stuck with me this far.

You've reached the other side of the looking glass, my dears. The sooner you realize you're in for one hell of a ride, the better off you'll be.

Kisses.

Comments

voice;

[yardbird]

Well. That was... informative.

[No, really. As dogged as this Crowley guy may seem, Murphy can't help but welcome the straightforward honesty. Even if it's all crazy as shit, he'll take what he can get.]

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

You can leave the flowers in the locker room.

voice;

[astrogate]

So when did Kirk get named all knowing leader of us all?

[ She may not have any idea why someone would wet themselves over Captain Kirk (poor girl has never heard of star trek) , but she knows he has his flaws and really isn't dealing with things the way she thinks things should be dealt with. ]

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Now now, I don't recall saying 'all-knowing'. What I said was that he'd be called the leader by the majority.

I'm guessing you've got some objections?

[consulting]

Spot on.
Except you've left out the part where people's minerals are drained
as part of a feeding procedure by some allegedly unknown entity on board.

Also people like ciphers and there's an economy in cigarettes, etc.
We should work together to make a guide.
SH

[ He actually sort of means it. Oops. ]

[pocketfulofsouls]

I know allusions are hard, but you'll find the first under 'soup kitchen'.
I think I'm already doing my altruism for the month, possibly the year.

xoxo

voice

[purepazaak]

Huh. Free answers. Now that's a new trick.

voice

[pocketfulofsouls]

Do I get a scratch behind the ears?

[voice]

[sammyskeleton]

I would say more like the 85%, but that's just nitpicking what's most likely a reference to something I don't know anything about.

[voice]

[pocketfulofsouls]

That it was - you're not a complete bonehead. Don't worry about it.

How'd the jump suit you?

voice;

[20mentholkools]

Who says they're driving?

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Ward and Resnik, you mean?

That's what I've heard. Do you know something different?

voice.

[therangerking]

[ Dryly. ]

Informative.

voice.

[pocketfulofsouls]

You're welcome.

voice.

[shoyu]

[ he totally just spent half an hour trying to figure out how to use this thing sigh. ]

Ah -- a question, sir. I wonder what exactly you mean by demons and aliens? Surely you can't mean that literally ... ?

voice.

[pocketfulofsouls]

No, I mean we were assaulted by our vices and illegal immigrants.

[ Idiot. ]

[megamind]

They're not. Driving, I mean.

But oh, what would the mutineer know?

video;

[firstofficer]

That was- remarkably concise.
If somewhat liberal with the use of figurative dialogue.

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

You can just say you're impressed, darling. No need for the liberal use of technical dialogue.

[tumbleweeds]

[ She's dealt with demons before -- their minders, at least. The rest of it? ... Creepy, but save for the aliens, par for the course.

Well, except Youtube. She's still pretty bad at the internet, despite her apprentice's best intentions. Still, that's not the point. ]

What type of demons?

[pocketfulofsouls]

[ Oh hello. ]

What types are there?

text;

[majestyofthethrone]

Demons?

text;

[pocketfulofsouls]

That's what I said.

voice;

[seethemoon]

Endless "Youtube"?

[Hey, don't judge. He got everything else.]

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Are you from the past?

video;

[cargojet]

So we're all trapped in space, and it's a long in the tooth Canadian running the show? Who voted for him?

[ Wrong James T. Kirk, Nathan. ]

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Technically it's dictatorship.

video;

[unfiltrating]

Wow.

Way to boost morale.

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Them's the facts, junior. If you wanted a pep rally, why don't you go and make one yourself?

comment not here;

[leaps]

[ no sulu wants to drive how can he swing this. ]

[purepazaak]

[you have to fight your way through atton first, cadet]

voice.

[swagneto]

After my own heart, are you?

[ Nevermind the fact that Erik has missed every single pop culture reference in there, but this kind of summary of the ship's status works. ]

voice.

[pocketfulofsouls]

Perhaps with a little less of a reputation for stabbing children.

audio;

[lawofmotion]

No repetitive questions. Got it.

[But since he's already done a little investigating of his own he's found most of the answers himself, and what he hadn't found already he's gleaned from this message. He doesn't know anything about demons or aliens or most of what the man is describing in his message, but for now he's keeping hold of what he does know.

He does have a question that doesn't appear to have been asked, yet:]

Sorry, I don't think I caught your name?

audio;

[pocketfulofsouls]

I didn't give it.

Do you want to be my fanboy?

[totallyknowscpr]

Good Ship Lollipop. I like it.

Better than Tranquility, anyways.

[pocketfulofsouls]

It's a sweet trip to the candy shop.

video

[unparental]

Have you ever considered not trying to terrify the new kids?

voice;

[pocketfulofsouls]

Well, Mommy, why don't you put out a lullaby instead? That should help.

[voice]

[forgottenportrait]

Well, if nothing else, knowing that I'm not the only one baffled by all of this comes as something of a comfort.

[He pauses, attempting to digest the onslaught of information.]

...I'm sorry, did you say "demons"?