audio

[megamind]

It's all hilarious, watching you all scurry about to divest yourselves of your secrets and sins. I mean, really. It's better than comedy. 'Oh, I'm a werewolf'. 'Oh, I come from another ship that eats people and makes zombies!' 'Oh, my toenails contain the lost secrets of Atlantis!' or-- whatever ingenious [not said 'in-jenny-yus no matter how much you want it to be, Megamind] things you've come up with. This place sees more confessionals than the Prison Chapel, I swear. And we had genuine things to confess, let me tell you. [He laughs, a little nostalgic for prison. Who knew you could be nostalgic for prison.]

Alas, along with Skulduggery, I labor under the burden of obviously not being human and being too fantastic for words. Since I've never been the type to hide my light under the proverbial bushel, well, you already know that. Yes, yes, you're all going to jump to snap at the heels of the failed mutiny, or maybe you want to have a good laugh at my expense due to Miss Ritchi spilling all my secrets, but let's be honest: the mistakes before your great success are merely stepping stones leading you there!

So, while you go on about the useless past, I'm going to remind you that I know more about the ship then any of you lot and I am no longer parked in the brig. Isn't that something? I mean, all you people crowing for my blood earlier? Seriously, do you kill the prize sheep that gives you the best wool? No, fools! You utilize it.

Not that any of you're utilizing the brains in your own skulls, let alone my fantastic cranium. Well. Not that most of you are. Most of you have more in common with the sheep than the man that holds the shears! Some of you-- well, thankfully, you're not all soft-headed imbeciles.

[Pausing in his diatribe about he considers briefly, only the sound of his breath, so faint on the line; is he listening to something? Thinking? Steeling himself, perhaps, for his next words-- or simply admitting that not everybody on the ship is a dribbling idiot.]

Since I've no desire to be lynched I want to offer something, in good faith: anyone who wants to learn what I've learned, can. I will teach you what I know about the systems. I will show you how I did what I did. I will teach you my skills if you're capable of learning them. Then, maybe together we can figure out why the jump systems-- that shouldn't be working, by the way, at all -- are doing what they're doing. And that might be our ticket home, which remains my priority. If you can give something to me for my time? Fantastic. If you can't-- well, that's the sacrifices we must make in the spirit of [sigh - it's so hard to say these-- these noble words, because oh God it's borderline heroic and it's certainly goody two-shoes] cooperation, and all that.

So-- your move, passengers good ship Tranqulity. I'll be at the Fight Club this week to watch you make fools of yourselves, so you may feel to address any interest in learning what I found out about the ship from there.

Comments

[notpanicking]

[wtf she leaves you for five minutes and this is what you do.]

Megamind.

[Somewgere between entertained and wanting to throttle.]

[megamind]

Miss Ritchi.

You'll be back from your trip to the kitchens soon, yes? [...since, you know, what happened the last time you went... he's a little antsy.]

[notpanicking]

[Swallowing her chuckle in lieu of his antsyness.]

Yes.

[Really soon. Like, five seconds soon.]

[permaudio]

[cutsofftheirlimbs]

If I didn't have a serious history of being stabbed in the back I might take you up on those offers.

[Yeah no he doesn't trust you, what a surprise.]

Not to mention, it's not as hard as I was expecting, learning about some of these systems.

[megamind]

[He doesn't give two fucks about trust. It'll come in time or not at all. Doesn't change his value.]

Ah, are you the good man nosing about engineering now? We're down to so few.

If you want I can simply send you maps and schematics. Good faith, yadda yadda.

[cutsofftheirlimbs]

[YOU GIVE ENGINEERING A BAD NAME BUCKO.]

Yeah, that'd be me. Isn't the first time I've nosed about a ship I don't belong in.

[He pauses though, contemplating the idea.]

Good faith I guess I can handle, though, if you really want to send those over. Might help having the ship dependent on a single person knowing what's going on.

[re_imagining]

A noble offer. [Dry tone.]

Though I'm not certain if you've anything to tell me I haven't discovered myself.

[megamind]

Perhaps, perhaps not. Still, the effort means something, no?

[re_imagining]

I suppose. Of course, there are better ways to offer assistance...

But I'm in no way refusing. I will hear you. [She's in engineering too. Might as well.]

[voice]

[sammyskeleton]

[PLEASED AS PUNCH] There you go, cooperation. That wasn't such a hard word to say, was it?

Though, maybe a little less insulting next time. That would probably let you be met with more trust.

[And now on to business,] How are they not supposed to be working, exactly?

[voice]

[megamind]

You have no idea. [It was like speaking Welsh, I tell you].

And that's a fantastic question. They're not supposed to work at all. THey should be nonfunctinal. There are-- well, I can't rightly describe it without getting highly technical, but to lapse onto a coarse if useful acronym: they're FUBAR.

[voice]

[sammyskeleton]

[Ew, Welsh.]

I won't try to make you explain, since I've got no idea how anything works if it isn't my car, but. That's suspicious. Highly suspicious and very interesting. [Which is Skulduggery talk for: A MYSTERY A MYSTERY YAY A MYSTERY I LOVE MYSTERIES LET'S SOLVE A MYSTERY]

How many people aboard this ship are there that are any good at engineering?

voice;

[goingsilent]

[ Okay, that tone of voice is too good to pass up. With amusement: ]

Say cooperation again.

voice;

[megamind]

[Sob; you too, Kasumi?]

Cooperation.

voice;

[goingsilent]

[ Teasing! Well, mostly. Partly, she just finds it funny. ]

An overrated concept.

Private;

[killarevolution]

[It doesn't even have to be video for Haymitch to figure out that this is the guy Jack was talking about. Let us see if you really have valuable info, Mr. Blue Man.]

Cooperation. [Snort] All right, then. Talk.

Private;

[megamind]

Oh-ho-ho! This is a new voice on the line.

Who are you, new caller?

Private;

[killarevolution]

Haymitch Abernathy. Suppose that makes you the man behind the mutiny. [The ill-conceived mutiny. Haymitch may not actually come out and say that much, but his tone speaks volumes about his opinion on how that clusterfuck went down.]

voice;

[goldshirt]

Why don't you give me a tour?

voice;

[megamind]

Capitol idea! [...no really he thinks this is good.] Going to bring your right hand with you? [Not that you're not smart, Kirk, but Spock may 'get it' better.]

voice;

[goldshirt]

[ouch :<]

I'll see if he's free, but I can handle it if he can't.

video;

[redwinged]

Well, at least he's modest.

video;

[megamind]

Sarcasm is the refuge of the weak.

[syllogism]

Hey, Megamind. Long time, no see.
Tried to visit you in the brig. Guess we can see how that turned out.
Anyway, there was this thing you wanted to show me. Something called a brainbot?

[megamind]

Ah, yes. I've-- got to go down to find it in engineering. But when I do you'll be the first to see him! Up close, anyway. I'm sure people have seen it from a distance.