[video]

[mutelunatic]

[see Chell

see Chell sitting on her bed in her underwear, with a solved Rubik's cube in hand.

see Chell vaguely grinning in a really creepy, somewhat uncharacteristically manner.]

Found my voice, guess I should tell you the truth.

[SHE'S SPEAKING A LOT BETTER THAN LAST TIME. and the camera's angled in a manner where you can barely tell that her eyes are pitch black.]

There was once a woman who only wanted her freedom, and there were two AIs who just wanted to watch her test all day. Then, that Lady rebelled, she wanted to have a life outside of a facility, she wanted nothing to do with science and neurotoxin and Itches and turrets and buttons. And that's when these AIs wanted her dead. One of them's gone back to where She belongs, the other one's still here. You might know him.

[her voice lowers into something more sinister sounding, as though trying to mimic someone else's voice. she turns the Rubik's cube over in her hands, staring at it absentmindedly.]

He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.

And you have him on your ship, making whoever listen to his ideas morons themselves.

Don't feel bad, it's not your fault. That's what he was designed for.

[her voice go back to whatever her normal voice is, and she looks at the camera now, eyes flickering]

So Wheatley, why don't you tell everyone how you tried to murder me after I helped you. How you promised me my freedom and turned on me once you got a taste of all that power. How you almost destroyed the entire facility thanks to your stupidity. How your apologies mean nothing because you deserved to be tossed out into space, and that if given the chance you'd probably do it all over again.

Oh, and how does it feel being the one thing you always hated? Human. One of the smelliest humans on the ship, might I add.

[she purses her lips THIS IS REALLY UNCHARACTERISTIC OF HER in case the extreme amounts of talking aren't obvious enough. she looks off-camera again, still turning the cube in her hands.]

And it's Chell, by the way. Not that you deserve to know.

Comments

[Audio]

[cutsofftheirlimbs]

...Jesus.

[Audio]

[mutelunatic]

[NOT A FAN OF THAT NAME N O P E]

He has nothing to do with it.

[Audio]

[cutsofftheirlimbs]

Sorry, let me try something else.

Shit. How's that?

[Text]

[godofthemachine]

Wheatley? The red-haired AI?

[OH. There is a mix of emotions. Tried to kill her, eh? Perhaps he could be of some use after all. The moron bit doesn't surprise AM at all, though.]

voice

[mutelunatic]

Yes.

voice;

[monkeytailed]

...that's...wow.

voice;

[mutelunatic]

And now you know.

voice;

[monkeytailed]

That's rough. Sorry to hear. You think he's gonna try anything else here?

[voice]

[functioningperfectly]

[what are these emotions this is very complicated]

Hm.

[...yeah that's all he's got]

[KER-JACK]

[testgasm]

HAL, don't--

This is--this is what I told you about, don't listen to her, she's lying.

[functioningperfectly]

I understood when you warned me about GLaDOS...

[When he'd run into Chell, though, she hadn't talked. Hm.]

I've already told you that I don't believe that what we did in our home worlds has much bearing over how we should act here, Wheatley. I haven't changed my hypothesis.

[Pause.]

But I do believe you should stop lying to people. [And there's the disapproval. No he's not mad that you tried to kill people, he's mad you lied to him. Priorities are totally a thing HAL has sorted out!!!] You did, after all, admit that you attempted to kill both GLaDOS and Ms. Chell.

[syllogism]

Sure is a good thing that he was created to be the dumbest moron who ever lived. It'd probably be a lot worse if the aim had been to create him as a competent being.
So he screwed up, and that's kinda the point since it's the way he was made. And he's sort of remorseless because most robots and AIs tend to be that way.
Think he'll actually be successful attempting to execute some crazy plot on this cosmic joyride?

[mutelunatic]

They already did that when they made Her. He was used to keep Her back.

And he failed at that too.

[A CONSIDERABLE PAUSE]

He could. If some unknowing person helped him. That's why I'm telling everyone, before it happens.

lol dirk is almost done making wheatley's robo-body orz

[syllogism]

Ok. So he failed as a fail-safe mechanism but also fails at being stupid.
The only way he'd succeed is piggybacking on someone else's success.
Guess we could remedy this by getting him a really good babysitter.

[andblockbuster]

['SUP DEMON BRO.

In the creepiest sing-song voice] Called it.

[mutelunatic]

[SUP SUP]

Smart.

[andblockbuster]

Either he was faking or he's a psycho. And they all buy into it, but they buy into a lot, let's be real here. Not too bright, these people.

voice;

[20mentholkools]

That'd be your liar, then.

voice;

[mutelunatic]

That he is.

voice;

[20mentholkools]

You thinking of doing something about it?

[A story like that, it usually comes with a touch of revenge.]

[video]

[askedtobe]

You were stuck in a facility your entire life? [ Have a wide-eyed sort of apologetic look. ] Power really does corrupt absolutely.

[voice forever]

[mutelunatic]

As long as I can remember.

Not if they were already corrupted. It just makes them worse.

[askedtobe]

You're not the only one who's had to deal with corrupt companies. Didn't spend my whole life in one, though.

voice.

[swagneto]

[ Erik sort of liked Wheatley for his beliefs, but at the same time, this little confession has him holding back, all too familiar with his own past. ]

Isn't this a lovers spat better resolved in private?

voice.

[mutelunatic]

No.

You need to know what the little moron is capable of. It's not a spat.

He wanted me dead.