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Hullo, welcome to the Tranquility. [ Your welcome wagon is a tired-looking but pleasant Welshman. ] First things: we don't know precisely how you got here, we can't send you home, and you're probably not dead.
Second things: if you're injured or sick, talk to Medical. If you eat people or have other special needs, talk to Xenogen. If you need cigarettes, go beg Agriculture for work. [ He's reading all these ifs off a list, rote and sing-song, but now that he's reached the last bullet point he looks up and smiles, sort of. Still tired-looking. ] If you ignored all the graffiti warnings about living above the tenth floor, please note that in the event of an emergency, no one will be there to help you.
Any other questions or concerns, ask here or come by the Support office, and we'll do what we can. [ He's already moving to shut off the feed, but he pauses long enough to add, ] I know it's a lot, but it'll be all right.
[ ATTACHMENT: ]
Second things: if you're injured or sick, talk to Medical. If you eat people or have other special needs, talk to Xenogen. If you need cigarettes, go beg Agriculture for work. [ He's reading all these ifs off a list, rote and sing-song, but now that he's reached the last bullet point he looks up and smiles, sort of. Still tired-looking. ] If you ignored all the graffiti warnings about living above the tenth floor, please note that in the event of an emergency, no one will be there to help you.
Any other questions or concerns, ask here or come by the Support office, and we'll do what we can. [ He's already moving to shut off the feed, but he pauses long enough to add, ] I know it's a lot, but it'll be all right.
[ ATTACHMENT: ]
THE RUNDOWN » What happened, where you are, what to do.
SUPPORT DEPARTMENT INFO » Who we are and what we do.
REFERENCE* » Basic facts about the ship and solar system.
A TIMELINE OF EVENTS » This will take time to read thoroughly, but we strongly recommend it.
FAQ » Please read this before asking a question on the network.
SPACE TRAINING » If this is your first time aboard a space ship, please watch these helpful videos.
LOOKING FOR WORK? » If you have any questions about the departments, track down a chief officer or someone who operates within it about recruitment.
COMPLAINT BOX » Need to get something off your chest? Bring it here. We might just be able to do something about it.
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Though it seems like tobacco would make better workers.
Addictive, you know. They'll always show up.
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( Great message there Remus )
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Zombies.
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Vampires.
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Your standard garden-variety cannibals.
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Lawyers.
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I wouldn't know. Wizards don't have lawyers.
[ Or any due process requirements apparently. You can ask Sirius all about it. ]
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Trust me, they're the most ravenous of any beast I know.
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Except the lawyers, maybe. We can let Mr Pendleton decide what to do with them.
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( She'd been in there once for both her safety and others. What about people who were stronger - who were more than human? Was it good enough to hold them? )
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How effective is the help that is given to them? Someone would have to be experienced to be able to help.
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The fact that few people on board have taken any bites out of everyone else is a good sign, I'd say.
If you want to know anyone's particular qualifications, you'd best go to the source.
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But I'll do that. Thank you.
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No, not—if someone attacks you or your fairies [ ??? but important things first ] call for help or go to Security. Have you found a room on the lower floors?
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[Normally they aren't, but he's encountered situations were they were twice now, so maybe... And it would be nice to have a place to leave his things securely, at the very least.]
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...Why are there many empty rooms on your floor? [Just checking if there's a reason, but this does sound like a good plan. If someone helps, he won't accidentally set up tent in a stranger's room.]
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[ He can, technically, use his assigned room; plenty of people ignore the warnings, especially at first, when it's difficult to tell who's in charge (no one) or why anyone should obey graffiti instead of the crisp numbers on their arms or the comms device's sterile voice. That's why Remus is here. ]
There are a lot of empty rooms on every floor. Each one has two hundred rooms, and I don't think there are even two hundred people aboard the ship. [ Everything feels very empty. It's creepy. Sometimes Remus wishes they'd moved everyone onto a single floor instead of ten of them. ] If you have any friends here I can help you find one near them instead.
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It does not look like a ship. Ships re made of wood and much more narrow. This looks like a building. Why are there so few people?
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There just aren't very many of us. We all arrived the same way you did. [ And: ] It's a space ship. It moves through the sky instead of through water. There's a window in the shuttle bay, if you want to go look. It's all stars, forever.
[ At least he has family, probably. Remus will follow up later to make sure he found her. ]
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[Which is not particularly reassuring. What if the magic fails?]
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[Yes, he is going to be formal and stuffy for as long as his hot-headed rebellious attitude will allow.]
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[ Arthur is a little pointed, but not pointed enough to warrant italics. Enjoy that formal stuffy thing, sir, but you'll be enjoying it alone. ]
Are you starting to feel at home?
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Not in the slightest, but thank you. I'd much prefer my feet on terra firma.
Do you feel at home? [He's being only a tiny bit facetious. Only a little.]
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Unaware of the sad bracket commentary, however, Remus only shrugs. ]
I'd like to get everyone off the ship and somewhere safe, but that aside—yes. I've got a lot more friends here.
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It's a good thing to have allies wherever you go, though... outer space is a bit... out of my depth.
[SAGE NOD]
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[he laughs casually like it's nothing]
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Right. How does that work, exactly?
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We're real, living and breathing. Tied to the land, so to speak, and our people. Our leaders--kings, queens or... presidents... They're who we answer to. I'm the head of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland of course, but there's also my brothers: Ireland, Scotland, and... Wales.
{That final pause was absolutely necessary, yes. Ignore the anachronism of the icon, but that is his expression.]
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Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
[ That's mean, maybe, and also perhaps jumping the gun given the questions England is about to ask elsewhere, but telling a country its history seems less dangerous and personal than normal. ]
How do you and your brothers get along?
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We don't, really, but family is family no matter what.
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[ But this is a little weird, and he isn't actually trying to pick a fight. He tries for common ground instead. Common ground with a personified country. Awesome. ]
I don't have any siblings, but I have some friends that are good as.
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Family's relative, so to speak. I'm afraid I may be short on friends, as being an empire you tend not to make very many. I suppose there's... Miss Heather, and... Canada...
[He fades into an awkward silence on the realisation that he really has no friends.]
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Quality over quantity. Heather is worth at least ten friends by the standard measure.
[ He doesn't really know Heather that well, but it seems like a nice thing to say, for all parties involved. ]
And I'm worth one and a half, if you'd like to have a drink sometime.
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I'd say I have to agree on Heather, and I'll most certainly take you up on your offer. That is, if you're not putting me up to something. I should warn you I do love to retaliate when something's done at my expense. [His joking is formal, but the gist of "bro 4 reel u best not b foolin" is there.]