ataraxion | sixth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( video ) ☾ look out to the future but it tells you nothing.

[ lydia looks like she's exhausted and if she's truthful about it she honestly is exhausted. for a moment it looks like she's not going to say anything, that she just wanted to broadcast her own face just to show how she appears before she ends up just exhaling. ]

I've been here two years. I know we don't measure things by months and years here but— it's been 25 jumps and where I come from that might as well mean two years. I've been home for months at a time and it felt like a blink of an eye. [ she pauses. ] I'm tired of being on this ship. You get people who are dead at home here and there's no guarantee they'll stay. If you're lucky they stay and you get to bond with them. If you're not, they just leave and you don't. You— who can totally go back home and be alive. They can't.

I get wanting to stay because of that. You all can enjoy being on a creepy horror ship that I'm honestly pretty sure wants us dead or something even worse. It's better than being dead at home, I'll give you that. But I want to go home already. I want to see my mom again and not find myself back here afterward.

[ lydia clears her throat. ] I want to find a way home. I don't want to make this place my home any more than I have. And to do that, I need to do a little research. Now, if you're the type that's getting a little tired of being here and would like to help, you should come talk to me. And maybe, with any luck and a lack of another plague happening, we might actually make some headway.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm fine.

[ Lydia's answer comes out as a reflex before she pauses to just take a deep breath and look straight at Allison. ]

I'm— I'm just tired, Allison. Scott's gone and more people I know are gone and I'm just tired.

[ It takes her a minute to respond, and she's moving slowly down the hall, watching Lydia, only taking her eyes away for brief moments to check out her surroundings.

She doesn't know what to say. ] I'm sorry.

Don't— You don't need to say you're sorry.

[ Of all the people in the world, Allison isn't someone who needs to apologize to Lydia. ]

It's not like you can control any of it any more than I can. [ She wishes she could though, so badly. ] I don't like being reminded about how fleeting things can be here.

[ How fleeting having her best friend alive and whole here is. ]

I just—I don't know what to do. It isn't fair that you feel this way. I don't know how to help.

[ And she hates it. ]

Being here.

[ She shakes her head before clarifying. ]

Even though there's a tiny chance you'd leave. You being here helps. Arguing with me about whether or not you'd wear tights as a superhero helps. [ And it's the honest truth. ] It just hit me out of the blue. I'm usually good at tracking how long I've been here and my two years just slipped right by me.

[ She laughs a little at herself, a small snort of self deprecation. ] Still only going to wear them on weekends and bank holidays.

[ Her smile falters a bit, though; her best friend is sad and there's nothing she can do about it. ] If I can get you home, I will.

Bank holidays. [ Lydia can't help but shake her head with a small laugh. ] You're missing prime opportunities to wear them on other holidays. You have to at least include Halloween.

[ Words end up leaving Lydia for a moment, it's almost like she's scared to say anything before she just frowns. ] Don't rush it too much if you're helping. I may want to go home but home is missing something pretty big.

Yeah, you. [ She's trying for flippant and jovial, but she's not doing very well. Allison knows precisely what Lydia means, and it stings deep into her heart and her very core. She'd talked to Stiles, when she first got here, about going back. She's alive here, what's stopping her? But this, the way Lydia's acting -- maybe that's not the case after all. ]

[ Lydia's scared— She's scared that somehow there's a way to get Allison home alive. Maybe it'll mess up the universe but messing up the universe seems worth it to have her best friend back. The idea that she'll go home and there won't be Allison joining her along with everyone else hurts. She manages a smile though and a small laugh. ]

They're probably wasting away without me. After I do make Beacon Hills go round, don't I?

No one else throws parties like you do.

sixth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( video ) ☾ look out to the future but it tells you nothing.

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