002; video

[nutsaboutscans]

[John's been trying to stay off the network. He sounds and looks worse than he is. He thinks. He looks pretty bad, though. He's sweaty, tired-looking, and pale with dark, dark circles under his eyes. Now and then, you might see a space between teeth where another tooth should be, or missing nails on his hands.]

I know I've been quiet. Sorry about that.

[He winces as he settles back down on the bed. His voice sounds tired and hoarse.]

I've just been wiped, but I guess I'm not getting any better. I've gotten the gist of what's going on from your posts. I don't have anything helpful to add, except if you need help, call me.

[He sighs, thinking for a few moments.] What would you do if you were on a path of self-destruction, but it was the only way to redeem yourself? Would you continue in the hopes of being redeemed? Or is your well-being more important? Being vague here on purpose.

[That's not alarming or anything. Good job, John.]

If I know you, a quick 'hello, I'm alive' text or something would be helpful.

And I'm just a cop, but if you need some muscle or an extra pair of hands to help with finding out what's going on, I'll be there.

Comments

text

[unmakes]

pretty sure cosmo asked that one like two years ago

[ okay, yeah, she is actually Definitely Worried re: his line of questioning, but saving other people from being self-destructive or even really having a serious coherent conversation - all of that's kind of beyond her right now, so shitty humor's basically all she's got. ]

text

[nutsaboutscans]

hey your two years ago was about 50 years ago for me.

wait isn't cosmo a gossip magazine or something

[John you suck. He really didn't think of Sally seeing this until now, and he kind of wishes he didn't do it. Oh well hopefully jokes will distract her??]

text

[unmakes]

[ she almost didn't see it. she hasn't looked at the comms for most of the day - hasn't been able to even if she wanted to, words made her head spin. which means texting is kind of stupid of her, but it's better than voice or video right now so whatever. ]

wow
idk if i want to live in a future where cosmo's not there to teach preteens and ex-mormons all the wrong ways to have sex

text

[de_void]

[reading her messages is a hassle, but pretty much worth it for the content. oh sally, you really are his people.]

ex-mormons?

text

[nutsaboutscans]

I'm not sure where to begin with that sentence

text;

[de_void]

[it's slow coming, because every day stiles is only feeling worse. and maybe text when he can't see very well isn't the best decision, but it's better than trying to talk through the pain.

at least in text he can pretend like he's okay.]

if by self destruction you mean death then no

text;

[nutsaboutscans]

not death

[That's a lie, it very well could, but he doesn't want to say that.]

you holding up okay?

text;

[de_void]

i'm fine. [you lie, he lies.]

redemption is a waste of time, what good does it do you, really?

text;

[nutsaboutscans]

liar.

it would make me feel better.

[Maybe. He's hoping.]

voice;

[sweetmotherofgod]

[Oh. Ouch.]

Mutually exclusive. Self destruction and redemption? Yeah, doesn't work like that. Self destruction's what you do when you can't deal with it anymore. Redemption's what happens when you've got big enough balls to stick around and clean up after yourself, make sure you leave something good behind instead of all the mess.

Nice to see you're still with us, by the way.

voice;

[nutsaboutscans]

[He lets out a breath of laughter.] Nice to see you, too.

[But he thinks about that for a second.] Normally, I'd agree, but I... the thing that's hurting me is helping me at the same time.

[A pause.] I want to leave something good behind.

voice;

[sweetmotherofgod]

Bullshit.

[Emphasized, yeah, but it's - gentle. There's kind of a tone to his voice, one she's heard from people before. From people here especially, taken away from their homes and given the chance to Think About What They've Done.

It's a bitchy sitch, always. So she's not going to baby him over it, but she sees the value in at least trying not to be a jerk.]

Unless we're talking about a bikini wax, I'm not buying it. There's a difference between redemption and self-flagellation, too. 'course I'd be in a better position to comment if I knew what it is that's got you so knotted up.

Is it a chick? 'cause she sounds like she's probably amazing in bed but maybe not worth it long term.

[Kidding, kidding.]

voice;

[nutsaboutscans]

[He laughs again.] No, the woman I'm crazy about is worth it. And nothing like the thing I'm talking about.

[A sigh.] I'd tell you. Really, I would, but it sounds way worse than it is. But don't worry. I've got it under control.

[Starts a tally for how many times he's said that.]

[voice]

[ryuuzaki]

The answer to your question is probably subjective. Is redemption the entire goal?

[voice]

[nutsaboutscans]

I'm not sure. I want to make up for my mistake, but it's hard to live like this.

[ryuuzaki]

Is the redemption even relevant here? I'm assuming it's related to something that happened before you were brought here.

[His tone is very measured and serious.]

If you stopped actively pursuing it for the duration of your time here, would the rest of us be at risk?

[nutsaboutscans]

No, no one would be at risk for anything.

And it's not relevant here, I guess. It did happen before I was brought here. But if I can just... figure it out, then I would have done some good.

[He realizes this probably makes zero sense with no context, but he tried to make it a good enough answer.]

voice;

[axeyou]

Hey, big boy, I think we all have a lot more to worry about right now, so why don't you save the philosophical bullshit.

voice;

[nutsaboutscans]

[As sarcastically as possible] Thanks a lot. I'll make sure to only talk about what you want me to talk about.

voice;

[axeyou]

You'd better be careful with that sharpness, you'll hurt someone's feelings.

And that's not what I said. What I said was, none of your deep questions are going to matter when they finish growing you a new lizard arm. But you can go ahead and keep wasting your time.

voice;

[nutsaboutscans]

Oh, no, how terrible.

I think they're going to matter obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn't have brought it up.

...Are people really growing lizard arms or was that an exaggeration?

video; private

[suddenlycaptain]

[ Carolyn's teeth are all long, sharp like a shark. She's pale, too, but at least video reveals why she has a bit of a lisp at the moment. ]

If your self-destructive path helps people you care about, then I'd keep going.

video; private

[nutsaboutscans]

I think it will.

[He doesn't react to the teeth, since he's seen a few weird mutations already. Sincerely:]

Thanks for being honest.

video; private

[suddenlycaptain]

No problem.

[ She doesn't know Vaako, so the resemblance completely misses her where Riddick would be pinged. ]

I'd say maybe try not to make it so self-destructive, but sometimes that's the only way.

video; private

[nutsaboutscans]

I'll try to... do it less frequently, yeah. I'm John, by the way.