ataraxion | [video]

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[Saphir adjusts the video, rather fussed with finding a good angle. Wouldn't do for the unwashed masses to see him looking less than radiant, and the jumpsuit isn't helping matters.]

Well, hello indeed, you absentminded riffraff! It would seem fate has smiled upon you, for you have been graced with the presence of the resplendent genius, Dr. Saphir Ortion Gneiss, or as my friends and colleagues tend to address me - a sign of their utmost humility and respect - Dist the Rose.

[Somewhere between overly pleased with himself and unnerved by the situation, he belts out an uncomfortably long laugh, bordering on maniacal.]

Naturally an engineer of my superior intellect will be of use, though it seems your technology is fundamentally different from the sort I am used to - a very minor setback, I assure you! Infinitesimal, really. In fact, it's much more fascinating than it is off-putting. The mind of a virtuoso thrives on a good challenge, after all.

[He tries his best, but looks less than convinced of the veracity of his own claims. A clearing of the throat and a hair flick later, he's back to haughty and agitating beyond belief.]

The point is, you unhelpful gits haven't been particularly forthcoming, and it would do you well to quit withholding information from those who actually have the wherewithal to make use of it.

[He folds his hands in a businesslike manner and leans toward the camera.]

So tell me about your technology, get to it!!!

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[After a pause because wow, the similarities are eerie enough to be a little disconcerting.] Dist...the Rose?

That's right, boy. Rose. A title befitting one of my grace and beauty!

[He realizes with a tinge of regret that the title does him no good here, and that even back in Auldrant going by that name would do him more harm than good nowadays.]

...But if you must address me directly, I suppose Dr. Gneiss will have to do.

Hey, I don't mind calling you Dist if you really want to go by that. [However, there's a strongly implied 'why.']

[Sniffs in annoyance. He's rather sore over the loss of his title as a God-General.]

I suppose "Dist" is a relic of a bygone era.

...Just be sure to address me with an abundance of reverence, and I'm sure we'll get along just swimmingly.

Ah, and here I thought your unusually prolonged silence meant that the creature had gotten you, too. Pity, that.

Gahhh, it would do you well to shut up!!!

I've simply been hesitant to contact the rabble because they might be hostile!

[Though he supposes he'd rather take his chances with them than Jade. Jade's antagonism is a given.]

[If he keeps up this 'be in awe of me, lesser life-forms' schtick, Jade is probably going to be the least of his concerns.]

Careful, now. Your 'rabble' knows more about this ship than the both of us put together. You wouldn't want to guarantee their hostility, would you?

[Not that he'd ever offer to pool together his knowledge with Dist's. Oh, no. It's much more rewarding to watch him make an ass of himself in front of his potential co-workers.]

[There is pretty much nothing worse than Jade making a valid point. His, ah, frankness didn't exactly make him popular at the Order, and things are shaping up to be similar here.]

Surely I'm not at fault, here. If anything, I'd say I'm being generous, offering help to the helpless and miserable. They're just jealous that I'm better than they are.

[eyebrow]

Are all engineers so egotistical, or are we just lucky?

[His mouth twists into a scowl.]

I'm not sure I care for your tone, Miss...?

And besides, if an engineer of my caliber weren't at least this confident in their abilities, they'd be selling themself short.

[oh going to play that game are we?]

Dr. Jane Foster, astrophysicist. And I speak from experience. I have met three engineers now, including yourself, who've all been very confident in their abilities. Two of whom I know have reason to be confident, but I'm not sure about your skillset.

[Though he's loathe to admit it, he's actually very impressed by her title. If the workings of this world are similar to hers, her knowledge could come in quite useful. Well, damn.]

Well then, Dr. Foster, I'll just have to prove to you that where the ultimate in super high-tier machinery is concerned, I am simply the best there is!!!

[Why does no one ever take his word for it?]

[more people wanting her for her brain]

That is yet to be determined.

[when you put it in those terms, it reeks of braggadocio]

[slow

blink

what is she even seeing right now? Is this some kind of performance art? Social experiment? A test, of some description? If so, Heather's probably about to fail.]

You have got to be joking.

And what, may I ask, is funny about this to you?

[Because Heather is totally a Grown-Ass Woman she is not going to say your face no matter how much she may want to. Instead, she is going to give actual helpful advice.

The fact that it's delivered in a tone that strongly implies he should go die doesn't mean it's not helpful.]

The people on this ship are from all kinds of different times and planets. Universes, even. But we've all got a few things in common. Like not being inclined to help when some arrogant fuckface turns up and starts telling us how amazing he is and how we oughta be climbing all over our pathetic little selves to help him.

The fuckface would be you, in case you're too preoccupied with your own gigantic intellect to follow.

[Oh no you didn't gurlfran.]

Gahhhhh!!! You insolent whelp!! I'll make you pay for this insult!

[He'll work out the how and when later; there's no Planet Storm here, so his most majestic fonic artes are out of the question.]

Unless you have any useful information to add, rather than what was already dead obvious after a cursory investigation, I'll be adding "uncouth, dog-faced blonde witch" to my Revenge Journal and raining wrath down upon you!!!

[Oh ho ho ho. Have a big innocent smile and an eyelash flutter.]

Always nice to make an impression. I'm not a natural blonde, by the way. Will you need to make note of that?

[Oh, how he hates being mocked.]

I don't think you understand the severity of your situation!!!

[Seriously? Since the last jump alone she's been snacked on by a rogue passenger and lost in an infinite corridor. Now some dude who probably looks better in a dress than she does is going to... what? Hissyfit her to death? She pauses just long enough for her Assessing Look to sink in.]

No, I'd say I've got it down.

W-What are you smiling about?! I'm being serious!!!

Hmph. No matter. I can see the depths of your envy and self-loathing in your eyes. I pity you.

Well, that's not very polite, is it? Don't think many people are going to tell you much of anything if you're calling them gits right off the bat.

Making nice is hardly the point! I've been nothing but benevolent in offering my aid to begin with! Refusing to accept my most generous offer will only inconvenience you all, in the end.

...And who are you to tell me how to behave?!

I'm just saying, mate. There is a right and a wrong way to go about asking people for things.

Oh, uh. I'm Wheatley. Hello!

[Oh. He's really not used to people responding to his questions directly. This is awkward? Oh well, not one to pick up on cues and quit while ahead.]

Well then, Wheatley, since you seem to be so well-informed, would you be so charitable as to get me up to speed? Or are you as vacant as the rest?

Depends on what you'd like to know! If it's technology you're looking for, then I might be able to help.

You'll have to wait to be assigned to the Engineering deck. Regardless, you're off to a rather.... audacious start.

[Might be a little more snark in that then warranted. Dist the Rose, really.]

Edited 2012-02-25 22:34 (UTC)

Suit yourself. After all, every second wasted is on you, not me.

I don't know about you, but I've never wasted time when it comes to engineering.

[Yes, he's baiting you.]

Grrr! That's some nerve you've got!! You'll see for yourself my efficiency is exceptional!!!

My, my, my. You're making even more friends than I have. The 'genius in engineering' slot is filled, by the by, so-- don't worry. We'll just keep you on standby. You can clean grease traps in the kitchens in the mean time.

[OH, IT'S ON.]

Who the hell do you think you are!? What kind of miserable, defective creature thinks they can so flippantly relegate me, a peerless fontech researcher, to a mere servant's duty?! You're just worried that I'm going to replace you!!! Quite rightly, too! What are you even supposed to be? Has no one ever told you that the size of one's brain doesn't actually have anything to do with intellect, you miserable worm?!

I am Megamind, I have three months seniority and and I much better looking than you! That's how I know you can never replace me!

Now, go see to the greasetraps.

I refuse!!! Unless I receive work worthy of my genius, you may as well have any old moron do it. In fact, it seems like a job tailor-made for you, you great blueberry.

[More attractive than the great Saphir? Please.]

...What sort of respectable man of science goes about calling himself Megamind, anyway? Having a pseudonym is all well and good, but at least pick something that isn't so painfully ridiculous.

[You know. Like Dist. When your middle name happens to be Ortion. That kind of cleverness speaks of a true genius.]

Then I guess you won't work. [Totally more attractive than you, Saphir. He can manage facial hair unlike you, girly man.] And the only respectable scientist that can: the one who can back it up.

But if you're so smart, shouldn't you be able to figure it out on your own?

Hah! You must think you're so clever, you grubby little brat.

Given the time, working it out on my own would be a simple enough matter, but there's no need for me to waste time on that if someone's already done the work for me. So I chose the more expedient option; I think you'll agree that was the wiser choice.

[He won't say Dist is right; he will just pout instead.]

I'm not a grubby little brat. My name is Sora.

Well, then Sora. It's... nice to meet you? I suppose?

[He actually has a soft-spot for children. This is typically expressed through his willingness to be a fraction of a mite less rude to them. If you squint.]

...Though I do fear that if I turn a corner too sharply one day I may be suddenly and horribly impaled by that hair of yours.

You're asking for a fight, aren't you?

Lovely. An engineer who wouldn't know his own dick from a pipe. Now, if you would be so kind as to let the true engineers take over, you can go back to your bunk and sleep the rest of the shift off.

Do something useful for a change. Like learn how to turn water into wine.

Listen here you ignoramus!! I am growing very impatient with you all making assumptions about my qualifications just because you don't care for my honesty! Back on Auldrant, I'm one of the most well-respected innovators in my field, damn it!!! If it pains you so to treat me as such, at least let my skills speak for themselves! Just who do you think you are!?

[You'll get what's coming to you later. Presumably. At some point. He'll get around to it.]

Who am I? [Grins.] I'm the leading man, of course! But honesty has, I've found, been a good policy to have, especially when it comes to your skills.

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