ataraxion | voice, the second } crack kills

[ THIS IS FORWARD DATED spike would usually do this up on video but given the chaos and just how shitty he looks-- oh, yeah, if you haven't seen spike in a bit there's a reason for it. he looks like death. literally. skinny, sallow, low-energy. he's not even quipping like he should be. he's scarcely been here ninety days, but without blood, he's not healing like he should. these demons are giving him the go around and he doesn't like it. so have a raspy english voice, sounding much tireder than usual, which really everyone should expect given the theme around here. ]

I'll tell you all, I've seen an apocalypse or two in my day. And this? This is a bloody disaster.

Floor 22, Room 17. I've got some weapons and hiding spots, but that's not what I'm on about. I'll see you all in the trenches anyway. [ he takes a breath, he might be smoking. ]

...This blood situation, yeah? For us vamps. [ pauuuuuse ] It's wrong, and I'll tell you why it's wrong. This might be a bloody big ship, but it's going to start seeming a whole hell of a lot smaller if we keep handing over human to them--us. To us.

I don't drink human blood, it's a life choice. Let's use an analogy. Now, I talked to an expert on the subject so let's call 'blood' ... 'heroin.' And let's call bagged blood something they call 'methadone.' That's a drug used to bring someone down off scag, if you didn't know. But it doesn't work, and neither does this. Drinking it from a bag? Well. Just makes someone want the real thing.

Over on the Cyllene, guy name of Jayne told me to look for Dr. Tam up in the med bay? But I'm sorry, doc, and anyone else who might have a hand in that concoction -- I don't trust it. Don't ruddy well trust anyone with a beaker and I've got good reason.

There's got to be another way.

[ he hangs up rather abruptly, it takes a lot to get a rise out of him like this. it took the perfect cocktail of starvation, sleeplessness, nightmares and demons from his homeworld but now he's here and he's mad. and yeah, no that's basically it. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ 'i almost helped kill 93% of the population and i'm still not over the guy who made me help do it' is kind of what he wants to say. just so he can say it to someone, just so he can admit to it. make it real. ]

Thought I was supposed to save the world. [ that's almost too honest of a sad little statement, but there it is. ] Ended up in Ireland for awhile, too. With amnesia.

Yeah? [ still cheerfully ] Hate the sodding Irish.

[ but he sobers a little when that tone catches up to him and he shrugs. ]

You still can. There's not really a limit on that sort of thing.

Seems like i'm a lot better at almost doing the opposite.

[ a blame he should place on primatech, but whatever, it's actually totally all peter's fault. ] Think you're stopping the guy who's gonna blow up New York and it turns out its actually you. Nearly killed my brother.

[ spike didn't have to be told about killing friends, or even family, and he turns away from the camera; but only for a second. ]

You couldn't have known. [ it was like him with the first. sleeper cell. it couldn't be helped, but it didn't stop spike from feeling like a dick over it. ]

[ spike, peter knows that look. that's the look of 'i can relate to doing horrible things but i don't want to talk about it.' not that peter's going to say anything about it, but he knows. ]

No, but we weren't even supposed to stop it. Didn't even have anything to do with whether or not we could. [ peter's going slightly more gruff as he keeps on talking. ] My mom's got a thing about destiny- she wanted the bomb to go off, for New York to fall apart so that everyone could turn to my congressman brother in their time of need. Knew about the whole thing for months.

My brother was even gonna go along with it for awhile.

[ spike lets that really sink in, not that he understands all of it. but he understands the feeling behind it, what it was to be betrayed by the people you loved. ]

For some people, it's all about power, isn't it. For most people, even.

[ for his stupid bloody sire. for that little rat who killed fred. spike finds himself fighting a rising tide of anger, almost as if he's forgotten he's having this conversation. but he'll come back around. ]

But cutting down your brother to serve your own career in politics? Now that's cold. Right out of a Stephen King novel, that is.

Think it is for most people, actually. Or maybe that's just the people I get to know.

[ he's looking at you, adam. and linderman. and all the crazy megalomaniacs in his life that can't seem to do anything but completely fuck him over and use him for their own benefit and rise to stardom!!!

or a 'better world', as adam would've called it. ] I don't know, from what i've seen, that's how it works in politics with or without a brother who explodes. [ stop defending nathan, peter. ]

Yeah. [ spike snorts, for lack of a better reaction. ] Still, mate. That must've pissed you off.

At the time? Yeah. [ though he was more pissed off with his mom for encouraging it. or maybe he was just bad at them both. or maybe he just... continues to be in denial forever. ]

Made up for it though.