first brief ✆ video ✔ because the truth is hard to swallow that's what the war of love is for

[firms]

[ The comms turn on and Rachel's face can be seen. She looks calm, confident and put together. Even though, on the inside, she might be anything but. ]

Hi.

[ Rachel doesn't ask for help often - or, at all. So, she's not quite sure how to go about this. ]

I have a few [ how shall she put this ] questions. I'm new and I'm used to being the one who knows everything. [ except how to be modest ] I'm a paralegal [ because she refuses to use past tense ] and I know the ins and outs of the firm I work for. The associates, other paralegals - they all came to me for help. Granted, I've worked there for five years. [ As their best paralegal ever, but the network doesn't... need to know that. There's such thing as some modesty. ] For the first time in a long time I find myself with more questions then answers.

Hopefully, that's where you come in. If you wouldn't mind taking some time to answer a few questions?

First, I haven't been that impressed with the food here. It might be that I'm eating the wrong thing. And I haven't made it down to the oxygen gardens yet. Are their any chefs on board? Or, is there anyone familiar with food? [ a smile. ] Good food?

encrypted to Neal Caffery 20% ]

I can't take advantage of your entire stash.

public ]

Second. Is there a way to transfer information from the datapads in the library onto my phone? I've been doing a lot of reading but I've been stuck in the library. There's nothing wrong with it, it's actually quite remarkable but... I'd like the option of reading somewhere else. Maybe the common room or my room.

Third. Things... happened a few days ago. Is there anything I shouldn't be doing? I got the basic rundown from several people my first week here. You can never be too safe, right?

Four. And it's less of a question and more of an apology... For those of you who know Mike Ross, I'm sorry. He's - well, you get used to him. So, if he's done anything to you or said anything to you [ or generally been himself at all ] just, please accept this blanket apology.

[ because she may have spent some time looking up conversations between Mike and people and wow, Mike, you fail at being a human being but why would that be different then in space? and maybe this is sort of flirty and needly - she may not be divulging voice mail details but she's only human. mike ross pushes her buttons. so she's pushing his ]

Okay. I think that's it. Oh, my name is Rachel, for those who haven't met me.

encrypted to previous cr 100% hackable ]

What is there to do around here? [ she stops before saying fun because what is fun to Rachel but trying new foods and traveling when she can? oh, and leading men on. ]

encrypted to Donna Paulsen 10% ]

How is it that I've been here a week, we live on the same crazy space ship, and we haven't seen each other? I'm thinking drinks. I hear there's a bar.

Comments

[executiveassistant]

[Sorry, Rachel, to her you're clearly shaken, even if you look in control to everyone else. It's a best friends/Donna thing.

But she just waves her in.]

Well, next best thing.

[obviously, she's teasing. The clothing is laid out neatly across her bed, the makeup off to one side.]

We may have to work some magic if it doesn't fit quite right, of course, but we'll give it our best attempt.

[They're from a show called Suits, appearances are everything.]

[firms]

[ She'll come in and eye the ensemble. She doesn't recognize it but she hardly thinks Donna repeats ensembles. Which will make things a little bit more dank here. ]

I also have a lead on very good food.

[ She walks over to the bed. She approves. She sets the two staplers down. ]

I wasn't kidding. You're keeping these.

[ Stapled skirts. She apologizes for the ruining of this expensive outfit! ]

[executiveassistant]

[oh no, they're not stapling her expensive outfits she will find other ways. But she accepts the staplers as her just due, setting them off to the side.]

Do you now? Is this food apart from Jenna Sommer's food arrangement?

[But yeah she's curious about good food always.]

Now let's see about dressing you up. Strip show time.

[all is fair between bffs.]

[firms]

It is the definition of apart. Completely separate.

[ who isn't? she gives her a look before going to the zipper, ugh, she hates this beast. she pulls it off and kicks it away. look, cute underwear! ]

[executiveassistant]

Ooh! Do tell, then. I should've known you'd sniff out the food available here.

[cute underwear indeed! Her hands are propped on her hips for a moment as she surveys Rachel, considering. and then she nods.]

Cute underwear.

[And she's offering the skirt first, because it should fit Rachel fine--not snug and perfect, but fine.]

[firms]

His name is Neal Caffrey...

[ she smiles. a compliment from donna is the best kind of compliment. rachel takes the skirt, slipping into it. not snug but it fits! triumph! ]

[executiveassistant]

Interesting...I am rapt with curiosity.

[Tell her all about it while she inspects the dress shirt.

Hmm.]

A little unconventional, but I think if we roll up the sleeves, we can make it look cute enough.

[firms]

[ she tilts her head about the top. nods. ]

And Mike actually interrupted our conversation because I had impressed this guy so much he asked if he could marry me. He was joking of course. But, Mike interrupts, saying Neal never asked him to marry him. Like, it was a thing.

[ all roads lead to Mike. ]

This guy, Neal, has a stash. Probably from those locker stalkers. But, I think he has one of those seasonal chocolate bars. And really nice wine.

[ she continues, nonchalantly ]

Also, James Bond wants to have really good scotch with me.

[executiveassistant]

[this gossip is her lifeblood, it's a glorious thing.]

Does this Neal have soft features?

[they'd make a good pair, if so. Mike/Neal, Neal/Mike, she could ship it.

In the meantime she's unceremoniously pulling the shirt over Rachel's head HOPE YOU DIDN'T LIKE YOUR HAIRDO.

and then she props her hands on her hips.]

Rachel Zane, did you just tell me you were flirting with James Bond?

[firms]

This Neal is a chiseled adonis, Donna.

[ NO. HAIR. WELL, SHE'LL FIX IT. and press down the shirt ]

No, I just told you James Bond flirted with me. I shut it down. [ a pointed look to the side. ]

[executiveassistant]

...Well. Now I'm even more interested in the stash of gourmet food he is hiding away.

[stay still, she's fixing your sleeves, she'll get to your hair in a moment--

but she makes an amused noise at that.]

Congratulations, you didn't become a Bond girl. Your chances of survival have risen 73%.

[firms]

With a forty percent chance I won't betray him.

[ stop fussing! but, fine, she'll stop moving. ]

Not that I'm actually thinking about dating James Bond. [ a beat. ] Except - I might have told him I'd meet him for a glass of 15 year Macallan scotch.

[executiveassistant]

[no!! she needs to make this flawless. She finished folding the sleeves neatly so they rest right above Rachel's elbows, and now she moves to the makeup kit.]

I'm currently the favored queen in space hell--I've been gifted makeup. If you play nice and share your attractive man stash, I will share my makeup.

Miss I'm-not-flirting-with-Bond-we're-just-getting-drinks.

[firms]

[ rachel will primp in the mirror. it looks nice. definitely doable. ]

Drinks at the bar, not in his room. [ there is a distinction. ] Because... he originally tried to get me to come... to his room. [ she turns to face donna ] I didn't.

And you can have them. Both of them. Neal comes with Mike drama - like everything else - and being stuck in aforementioned space hell isn't exactly getting me in the romantic mood. But, drinking. Drinking I can do.

Also, do you know Jaye? She's joining us at some point. A real girl's night.

[executiveassistant]

[Donna just chuckles.]

Alright, alright. I'm not judging your Life Choices, I promise.

Much.

[She's going to go grab that makeup so she can uphold her end of the bargain.]

Deal, though. I'll take them off your hands, and we can have a night that is Man Free. Now sit. I'm going to experiment with your lovely skin tone and my short supply.

[firms]

I haven't made any. [ yet ]

[ but she'll sit on the edge of Donna's bed, listening. ]

You better not use it all.

[executiveassistant]

...You've made plenty, but by far your wisest was coming here now.

[and as she works at Rachel's makeup, she scoffs.]

I love you, Rachel, but not enough to use up my entire only supply of makeup with no replacement in sight on you.

[firms]

Like I said, it's tragic our paths haven't crossed before now. On this ship.

[ smile smiles. ]

Good. I'd have to ask the creature that gives us locker... treats. Maybe bribe him. Or, it. Her? Does anybody know how we get what we get?

[executiveassistant]

I was busy. I seem to be in popular demand here.

[as in every other situation in which she appears.]

Even I don't know that. We're all busy not being mashed to bits by the jump when it happens, after all. I suppose you could invoke any godlike thing that comes to mind.

[firms]

And why wouldn't you be?

[ yep. indispensable. ]

I've never been that religious but I can do my best. [ a beat. ] I'll stop talking. Work your magic.

[executiveassistant]

[She just gives Rachel a fingergun-esque salute at that. Good answer.

But she has no reason to stop talking just because she's focusing on Rachel's makeup. She's a good multitasker, after all.]

So aside from schmoozing it up with James Bond, I don't suppose there are any other relationships I should be made aware of.

[of course, if Rachel tries to say anything, Donna will just shoosh her.]

Ah ah, no talking.

[firms]

If you're talking about Michael Ro -

[ but you asked! siiigh. okay. she's shushing up, okay? ]

[executiveassistant]

[she knowssss.

Putting the finishing touches on--]

Aaaaand there!

It's not your usual look, but it's better than the 'I-just-arrived-in-space-hell-please-help-me' look.

But oh, Mike, huh?

[donna don't play dumb.]

[firms]

This works.

[ yeah, Donna, you don't do it well. ]

You could act less surprised.

[ as she looks at herself in the mirror. ]

I hear there's a bar bar and a gay space bar and seeing as my cup overfloweth with men, how does gay space bar sound?

[executiveassistant]

[gay space bar.

...really now.]

Wow, you must be pretty upset about the Mike Ross existence thing.

But you're on. I have yet to explore the gay space bar, and now that I think about it, that is a grave problem.