oo9 ♫ voice

[showbizpanache]

[Kurt's voice sounds sort of...different. It's somehow deeper than usual--as deep as his voice can get, anyway--and has a strange, flat sort of quality, as if he's holding something back.]

I'm tired of pretending like everything's okay.

Horrible things have happened. People have--left. There were monsters. There was...Strela. And I think, oh, everyone else can handle it. They're all fighters. This is par for the course for a lot of you guys, right? Because you're strong. Because you aren't some silly little teenager whose biggest concerns are a cheating boyfriend and a failed musical theater audition, right?

[He takes in a single deep, shuddering breath.]

But then I think-- It any of this supposed to be normal? When does it become okay to be desensitized, to stop letting all of this get to you? Is that when this place--this ship, everything on it-- Is that when they win?

Maybe I'm weak and pathetic. But I'm trying so hard to make things feel normal here, but I can't just shrug off how badly I want to just--scream, just curl up somewhere and scream and scream because all of this is just so freaking insane.

Ugh. [Pause.] I'm sorry. [Disconnect.]

[ooc note; So someone's finally been succumbing to his mask. You can blame some recent events. :|b]

Comments

voice (and placeholder)

[redhotsummers]

Kid, the minute that this shit starts to seem normal, yeah, that is when they win.

Pretending, trying to act like nothing's wrong? Is just going to bring it down crashing around your head.

[Like it is right now.]

Sucks, but looking it square in the face, every damn day...sometimes is the only way to deal.

audio; private (assume he just sent this straight to kurt's inbox or something)

[theheretic]

[ A couple of minutes after Kurt's broadcast comes a quiet: ]

Do you want to talk? Or... vent, or something. I hear I'm not too bad at listening.

[theyalldieforme]

[He's not happy. Not unhappy at Kurt, but just. Not happy that this is happening. But his mom is gone and there was the kiss and he doesn't know what to say to make it better, so he doesn't say anything, he just sends a data package with conversations Kurt had with Blaine that were recorded on the devices.

(He doesn't know if it will help, or hurt.)]

[showbizpanache]

I know. I know, but I can't-- I'm not like the rest of you. I'm terrified all the time. I feel like I'm just going to break.

audio;

[webline]

[ man she doesn't know you but... a soft teenage girls voice with a rather thick queens accent: ]

Dude, you're not pathetic or weak or anything. Thinking that it's insane -- that this shouldn't be how things are -- I think... is the normal thing.

It's okay to freak out.

[showbizpanache]

Maybe. I'm--

[...]

I'm kind of a mess.

text; waaaay later on

[showbizpanache]

You put it together.

Thank you.

[theheretic]

It happens.

The offer's still open.

text;

[theyalldieforme]

You're welcome. I thought you might like it.

[showbizpanache]

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being scared all the time.

But at the same time, I don't want to lose it.

[webline]

Even the heroes -- the people who these things are normal for. They get scared too. I promise.

Like, maybe it's dumb of me to say -- but if you care this much, I don't think you'll ever get desensitized. Even if that's something you may want.

[showbizpanache]

Sure. Yeah, fine.

[showbizpanache]

I do miss him, despite everything.

[showbizpanache]

It's not dumb. I'm just-- It just hits me sometimes, you know? How screwed up this place is. How it's impossible to hold onto anything normal.

[theyalldieforme]

Yeah, I figured.

[webline]

It's not impossible. I don't think.

action;

[theheretic]

[ A few minutes later, there's a knock at his door. Let's assume they covered where he lives at some point so this isn't creeper-status on Aidan's part, yeah? ]

[showbizpanache]

Is everything okay?

[showbizpanache]

[AIDAN YOU CREEP. Naw yeah this is fine. When he opens the door, Kurt is standing there wearing his mask. It looks very much like the one from The Phantom of the Opera, covering half his face.]

action;

[dirtyword]

[ There's a knock on the door and a water bottle that's been filled with the space equivalent of log island iced tea, a knock on the door, and then nothing else save for a note. It's definitely a guy's writing, which means it's not Wichita and it's Brendan instead. ]

broadway:
drink the thing, ping me when done.

video;

[lacksgrace]

Maybe you should scream then. [ A shrug. ] There's no use holding it in. That only makes it worse.

[showbizpanache]

Then I guess I just really suck at it.

text; later on

[showbizpanache]

I drank half.

permavoice;

[showbizpanache]

[There's a long pause, and it sounds like movement away from the communication device. And then there's a muffled sound in the distance-- Kurt is screaming into his pillow.

Wait a little while longer, and then he's back.]

I guess that kind of worked.

permavideo;

[lacksgrace]

You guess? [ He runs his hands through his hair and stares at him. ] What kinda stuff do you usually do when you're upset? Try doing that too.