ataraxion | [video]

[Hello, Tranquility! I hope you enjoy pleasant AI-turned-human conversation, because that's what you're getting.]

Hello, Tranquility. My name is HAL 9000, and I am a former Artificial Intelligence who was given a human body as of the last jump. I am aware of there being a few others in a similar situation as me, but I thought it would be appropriate to extend a greeting to anyone who is new to the ship and this situation. If you have recently found yourself in a humanoid body where before you were a robot, an animal, or a computer, please do not be alarmed. You are not alone on this ship or in this situation.

[He considers something for a moment before continuing.] Dr. John Watson had been helping those of us who were transplanted into humanoid bodies before this most recent jump, and assuming he is still willing to counsel non-humanoid persons, I think it would be a good idea to speak with him.

Though I am by no means accustomed to this body yet, I will also gladly help wherever I can, if anyone finds themselves in need of assistance.

[Pause. Another smile.] Thank you for your time.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[...but you can bet that Tali is watching this post like a hawk.]

No, no no no nono what are you doing why are you telling them to go to him.

Edited 2012-01-19 05:54 (UTC)

I understand that you and Dr. Watson didn't get off to a very good... ah, foot, I suppose is the idiom. But he is generally a very good source for advice. I'm sure if you were to give him another chance, Wheatley, you would find him to be a very respectable doctor and a very good person.

Doctor Watson is perfectly fine as long as you keep everything over the comm systems. Otherwise you're just--you're just asking to be poked and prodded and possibly traumatized and "Wheatley, are you taking care of yourself properly?". I don't understand why it's anyone's business but mine, that.

He's only attempting to make sure you're all right. Medical examiners are obligated to perform physical tests to make sure you are continuing to function properly. It's not unlike a virus scan, or someone checking your internal heat to make sure you aren't about to overheat.

Yeah, see, I got by without all that for--for quite a long time, after all the humans went and died. Perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

[Pinged by 'Artificial Intelligence', Meta is stalker-breathing all over this network post.]

[It's a very disturbing post to someone with an AI addiction.]

HUMANOID. HUMAN. NOT AI ANYMORE? ANY? NOT ANY?

[HAL smiles as sympathetically as he can. Turns out, it's apparently part of his repertoire of instinctual facial expressions!]

I'm sure that if you were in your own body, things would be very different. But neither of us are used to being organic, and therefore it is necessary for someone more versed in these sorts of things to check in on us. I know it's difficult for you, but I'm sure that it would be much more difficult if there was nobody willing to help you.

[Oh this is going to be difficult to parse. But HAL does his best, anyway!]

Unfortunately, no. I am no longer what one would define as an AI.

[Junkie needs his hit. Logic and reason are foreign concepts, anymore.]

NO. NOT POSSIBLE.

Edited 2012-01-19 06:46 (UTC)

No, I've got it all down. Wrote a guide, even. Figure it's better if any...new arrivals get all the information from one of their own. Can't expect the humans to really understand, after all.

[He looks so surprised and pleased!]

Really? Did I miss you posting that to the network?

It is possible. I'm sorry, are you in a similar situation?

Haven't posted it yet. Got to make sure it's absolutely perfect.

Soon, though!

I'm sure that will be very helpful. Please make sure to let me know when you post it, in case I miss it; I would like to see it.

NO. NEED THEM. NEED TO FIND MORE.

[It's incredibly accurate and a triumph of medical research.]

Yep, that's the idea. You won't miss it--made sure it's very official.

[HAL somehow looks a little disturbed. This is a feat since he's never felt disturbed before.]

Find more...?

[Of course it is. Nothing Wheatley does isn't incredibly accurate, after all.]

I'm sure it will be helpful. I appreciate the effort you've no doubt put into it.

PrEtTy sOoN PeOpLe wIlL NeEd tO Go tO Dr wAtSoN To tAkE CaRe oF SoMe bUrNs cAuSeD By sIcK MoThErFuCkInG FiReS. hOnK. :0)

I'M NoT A RoBoT BuT I'M NoT A FlEsHy pInK ThInG EiThEr. WhAt's a bRoThEr tO Do?

I hope you aren't planning on setting fire to anything; I'm afraid that the limited supplies we have would make that a very unfortunate occurrence.

If you're used to your body, I believe you should be fine. I was mostly speaking to those of us who are unused to being organic, or humanoid.

[ Bless you, HAL. Here's John, looking a little humble, but smiling warmly. ]

Thank you, HAL. I'm still offering my help to anyone that needs it. I think it's really good of you to offer your own experience, though. I can only do so much, you know. I think some things would be better explained by someone who's closer to the situation.

[ A soft chuckle. ]

I try, though.

How've you been getting on?

Wheatley says he will be posting a guide later on for those who might be in our situation as well. I think it's best if we all attempt to help each other; at the very least, to help keep your workload from becoming too much.

I'm doing very well, doctor, thank you. [:)] The most recent jump was less jarring than before. I wasn't nearly as surprised to be in this body as last time. Have you been doing well?

[Meta has that effect on people. And AIs.]

NEED THEM ALL.

No, MaN. i mEaN LiKe. FrOm aLl tHe sIcK RhYmEs i'm gOiNg tO DrOp. YoU KnOw wHaT I'M SaYiNg bRoThEr?

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