002. Sebastian Moran in: Colonel Moran's Jungle Adventure: Narrated by Sebastian Moran

[sebasher]

[ Interesting thing about Sebastian Moran: he absolutely loves a good jungle. It doesn't matter what type, so long as it's interesting and He considers the Tranquility a jungle within itself, really, if jungles were composed of oddly mismatched architecture. The entire ship has offered him plenty of room to explore, though, and he's finally discovered the oxygen gardens.

He knows full well that there's not anything of the nasty, sharp-toothed, razor-clawed nature lurking in the gardens, but it's nice to be back in a familiar environment, so he's incredibly cheerful, whistling some semblance of a tune when the recording begins, his eyes scanning his surroundings beyond the view of the device. Suddenly, he stops his whistling and cracks a grin. ]

Damn. That'll be stuck up there all day now. [ He taps his temple. ] How far does all this go on, then? It doesn't seem nearly deep enough for my tastes.

[ Oh, another interesting thing about Sebastian Moran, by the way: he really loves to hear himself talk. Which means that for the next few minutes, the lot of you have to him narrate his own mini documentary. And his voice is not nearly as calming as Morgan Freeman's. ]

Maybe we'll catch a tiger, eh? [ He chuckles. ]

Damn near impossible to catch one of 'em by the toe and live to tell the tale, in case you ever wondered. They've got razor sharp claws that retract, five inches long on most of 'em. You'd probably be better off putting your head between their jaws and saving 'em the trouble of shredding you to bits.

[He continues on in this manner for five more minutes or so, rattling off strangely gorey facts about tigers and other beasties and jungles in the world's cockiest tone until--

The scheduled "rain" for the lower levels of the garden begins to fall heavily, instantly soaking him and mostly shutting him up beyond hushed swears as he fumbles to turn the device off. Thanks, Tranquility. ]

{OOC| I would like to apologize. Also, tags will come from tigers because I changed his username yes good.}

Comments

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[sugarbear]

Look at you. So tough. Pull up your big girl pants, it's just a bit of rain.

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[tigers]

[ Aw, don't make fun of him. He leads such a hard life. ]

Before noon? Absolutely despicable. Clearly the man who created this jungle has never spent three months straight wandering through one. [ Ordinarily, he'd toss in something about jungles being different all around the world, but he's too proud to give the fabricated jungle any credit right now. ]

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[sugarbear]

The thing you should always remember about the weather is that it's unpredictable. You can't control it.

[ He is just so smug. Look how dripping wet you are while Casey here is comfortably bone dry. ]

Have you ever met a tiger?

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[tigers]

Quite the contrary. In certain parts of he world, the rain is like clockwork.

[ Wow, that smug face. It could rival Moran's own smug face. He's not feeling especially smug right now, though. ]

I've met several.

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[sugarbear]

Well then, maybe you should have checked the clockwork schedule of the rain in the gardens before you went traipsing around down there.

[ He doesn't feel sorry for you at all. ]

You can go off them quickly.

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[tigers]

Have you ever traipsed through a jungle? Looks to me as though you're not much of an outdoorsman yourself, sir.

[ No one ever feels sorry for him ever. ]

Pardon?

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[sugarbear]

Me and jungles go way back. You want to try me some time.

[ It would be awesome. Someone would probably get killed. ]

Tigers. You can go off them quickly. They're all The Ultimate Predator until suddenly you're the one who's lunch.

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[tigers]

I assure you, you'll have nothing on me, old chap.

[ It would be the perfect rumble.

In the jungle.

Oh. ]

Go off 'em quickly? I think not. And I'd know better than anyone, wouldn't I? Got a first hand account and the marks of one of the damn hellcats branded right across my chest. [ He mimics the action of a tiger's claws raking over the fabric of his shirt. He's proud of those scars. ] Still alive to tell the tale.

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[sugarbear]

Sure, I get that. I got shot, but I still like guns. You see, the thing about guns is that they're predictable. You put them in your own hand and you're totally under control.

I still don't like getting shot. And I don't like tigers. Well--pet tigers.

Oh, and you're totally on.