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ataraxion2012-01-16 12:13 am
telephones) wrote in ataraxion2012-01-16 12:13 am
[ text and voice ] ✉ first transmission in which there are complaints and headaches.
[ the first thing dundee feels like doing is throwing up, which in and of itself is a bit of a feeling he tries to avoid. sure, he's felt like this before, but usually it was after a hard night of partying and to be perfectly honest, he hasn't done that in years. the second thing, the far more important thing for dundee, is that he realizes he's on spaceship of sorts and unlike the worrisome desire to throw up, this revelation causes him to pause.
logically, he doesn't think he should be here, but he is and he doesn't necessarily know how, though the weird pod is a definite possibility to him. he has to force himself to try to stop feeling so disoriented before he gets up to go find something to contact another human being with. (except, perhaps he's alone and- dundee doesn't want to think about that possibility.)
it takes him a bit to find his device, but once he does, he reads everything he can. he figures that there are probably locked bits that he can't see, but unlike some people he knows, he can respect a person's privacy. besides, looking at the locks and the differences between this tech and tech back at home, he thinks even aberdeen or cambridge might have problems with it. (speaking of, he notices a woman with the...name cambridge; it's confusing to him and he's pretty sure that it's just the residual disorientation talking. he makes a not to ask about that, perhaps later.) he notices oxford there and makes a face, not the best company, but it'll do in a pinch. though, dundee doesn't technically count this as necessarily being in a pinch, since in addition to oxford, there's what looks like aberdeen (oh he can recognize her texts anywhere) and durham. potentially five out of a number usually much larger than that. how enjoyable.
after a bit of a wait, dundee finds himself typing away, sending a very simple message that will make no sense to certain people, but will make enough sense to the people he wants it to. ]
if the city dundee means anything to any of you, i believe that we might want to talk. just for the sake of talking, perhaps.
[ he then flips it to voice. he's hardly vain, but he'd prefer not to show off how he might look right now to everyone else. not yet at least. ]
Out of curiosity, whose brilliant idea was it to make this transfer, I believe you'd call it, here, come with the feeling of being hungover. Had I have known, I would have packed pain medication in my bag so that I could take something when I got here. I would just honestly like to point out that hangovers are not a way to endear yourself to people. Odd, I know, but it's the truth.
Speaking of, does anyone have anything on hand in the realm of pain medication or should I just burrow into some form of a bed and come out once I feel better?
logically, he doesn't think he should be here, but he is and he doesn't necessarily know how, though the weird pod is a definite possibility to him. he has to force himself to try to stop feeling so disoriented before he gets up to go find something to contact another human being with. (except, perhaps he's alone and- dundee doesn't want to think about that possibility.)
it takes him a bit to find his device, but once he does, he reads everything he can. he figures that there are probably locked bits that he can't see, but unlike some people he knows, he can respect a person's privacy. besides, looking at the locks and the differences between this tech and tech back at home, he thinks even aberdeen or cambridge might have problems with it. (speaking of, he notices a woman with the...name cambridge; it's confusing to him and he's pretty sure that it's just the residual disorientation talking. he makes a not to ask about that, perhaps later.) he notices oxford there and makes a face, not the best company, but it'll do in a pinch. though, dundee doesn't technically count this as necessarily being in a pinch, since in addition to oxford, there's what looks like aberdeen (oh he can recognize her texts anywhere) and durham. potentially five out of a number usually much larger than that. how enjoyable.
after a bit of a wait, dundee finds himself typing away, sending a very simple message that will make no sense to certain people, but will make enough sense to the people he wants it to. ]
if the city dundee means anything to any of you, i believe that we might want to talk. just for the sake of talking, perhaps.
[ he then flips it to voice. he's hardly vain, but he'd prefer not to show off how he might look right now to everyone else. not yet at least. ]
Out of curiosity, whose brilliant idea was it to make this transfer, I believe you'd call it, here, come with the feeling of being hungover. Had I have known, I would have packed pain medication in my bag so that I could take something when I got here. I would just honestly like to point out that hangovers are not a way to endear yourself to people. Odd, I know, but it's the truth.
Speaking of, does anyone have anything on hand in the realm of pain medication or should I just burrow into some form of a bed and come out once I feel better?
text;
he knows it has to be...bothering her (or at least irritating her) if she's defending him, but it doesn't stop him. ]
sandwich?
text;
Hallah gets that; she does. It's as much her job to understand Dundee as it is Ian's job to understand Aberdeen. ]
fine.
[ Just come. ]
text;
mutual understanding and confusion. such a contradiction in terms but it's...them. ]
i'll be there soon.
[ there's a moment before he sends another message. ]
i'm sorry.
text; action y/n/handwave?
don't.
[ —is her only reply. She doesn't want Dundee sorry. That was the point. ]
text + action; mfy with a side of hug.
[ it's simple and it's the truth. ian is sorry hallah has to be involved in cambridge being a...bitch and a busybody who can't keep her nose out of his affairs. and dundee is sorry that he just compromised her name and his and it's unprofessional.
if she sends him another text, he doesn't notice, too busy just trying to find the kitchen before heading to her room. he has two sandwiches and that's that. he stands at her door for a minute before saying anything. ]
Still there or am I eating these by myself?
action; you guuuuuys D:
But this gesture remains the same: the door opens marginally, just far enough for a silver of Aberdeen's face to appear in the crack. There is no welcome inside, nor greeting. Just staring, expectant maybe, for Dundee to simply push his way inside. ]
action; punching myself repeatedly in the face D:
his lips turn up into the faintest of smiles when he sees her face in the door. it's what they do. (you can come in now, dundee. i guess.) so he does, pushing the door open while making sure it doesn't hit her somehow. he doesn't shut it behind him, though, trusting her to shut it instead. ]
It was a bit of a rush job with the sandwich.
action; send halp :c
As Dundee moves to set down the food that he's brought, he's made to pause by the feeling of hands curling around his forearms. First one, then the other, and Aberdeen's hands are small and bony but strong. (He knows this because they've been on him before, and never asked for, always given without permission or warning or obvious cause.) Then a pressure, there, against his back as Aberdeen presses against him; her cheek preses flush against the dip between his shoulder blades and she exhales warm breath, tangible through the fabric of his shirt. Like an embrace, only in reverse; one body embracing the other, only this time it's odd because Aberdeen's so small and has yet to learn what it is to be tender.
Like this, pressed up against him, she can almost drown out the rest of the ship with the beating of his heart and Aberdeen doesn't know why, but it's suddenly very important that she does. ]
I'm not hungry, [ she says, contradicting herself.
(I just needed you to come.) ]
action; sorry, no can do. i'm drowning in feels. :c
another person (namely...aberdeen) would probably flinch or react in a startled way when they felt the weight of aberdeen behind them, but dundee just stops moving and just takes deep breaths. he's not entirely sure why she's right behind him and why her body is pressed up against his in this direction as opposed to the opposite one, but he doesn't question it.
it does make him wonder if it's as bad as he thinks it is for aberdeen to be here. no one in space can hear you scream and that means there's not nearly enough noises to be heard at all times. (he likes her being this close. it makes it almost possible to pretend that they're what he almost wishes they could be.) ]
You will be eventually, [ he answers, choosing not to touch on the fact that she's lying.
(you didn't even need to come up with an excuse.)
he sets down the plates before slowly moving to turn around and make their embrace go in the opposite direction. normally he knows he wouldn't do this, but she instigated one and he'll take it to mean she won't mind as much as she might usually. ]
action; /drinks own tears for breakfast lunch and dinner
Needless to say, no one ever hugs Aberdeen. It's an expression of intimacy that she doesn't understand anymore, though she still has memories of them from when she was still a teenager. Micah had been too old and too distant to ever embrace her but Elijah — sometimes there were times when he'd barely let her go and she'd have to worm away, complaining the entire time. (It's painful to think about; worse than a piercer's needle. So she doesn't. She doesn't think of it at all.)
Barcelona has been known to come close on occasion, but it's not part of the unspoken lexicon she shares with Ian Malone. Too intimate, maybe, too much like sex without the actual fucking. Aberdeen's not sure that it's the sort of thing Ian wants but that possibility is quickly dispelled as his arms come up around her, drawing her in and against him. (His pulse quickens, his breath shallows; Aberdeen hears it but doesn't allow herself to try and figure out what it means.)
They stay like that for a little while, the silence stretching; only it's not silent on Aberdeen's end. The ship is still churning away and Dundee's body sounds very much alive as she lifts her face to look up at him. Her expression isn't soft or in anyway yielding, but it would be strange if it was. ]
You should have stopped.
action; /sprinkles mine over ice cream
everyone hugs dundee. it's an expression of intimacy that he assigns different types of hugs for. his family and jean in particular always let him believe that hugs were the perfect bit of affection to show a person. there were hugs for family members (as close as a lover's, but with a little something different), for friends (not as close as a family member or a lover, but still something that shows that you care about the person), and for someone who you love (ian doesn't like reminding himself which hug he should be giving hallah instead of this one.). he doesn't cling, he doesn't need to.
he wants to hug her (hold her, same difference) so he let's himself do just that. allowing his arms to pull her close enough to hear his heartbeat quicken and his breathing shallow. (he knows what it means. it means his forever in over his head. it gets worse and worse every time he allows himself to do this. they're not supposed to be this intimate without something happening.)
his right hand starts to move up on her back like he's about to take it off of it. (he wants to touch her face when she says that. he can't though. he won't, really.) instead he settles for allowing it to trace a shape or two on her back. ]
I should have. [ there's a heavy sigh that comes from him before he continues. ] I just didn't feel like I wanted to.
[ i wanted to fight for you. ]
action; SOB I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE CALLED LIFE
Cambridge is stubborn. [ One of Aberdeen's hands curl into the collar of Ian's shirt, her blunt fingernails (bitten down to the quick) digging into the rise and fall of his chest underneath. ]
I'm stubborn, [ Aberdeen breathes.
(You shouldn't fight at all.)
She nudges her piercing with her tongue again in the silence that follows; it's a habit that she's grown aware of but that she's made no concerted effort to stop. It's another gode, her dark eyes following his, knowing that his gaze will be caught again, drawn to the flash of metal and that wet flicker of pink. It's all a dance, a very complicated, overgrown dance and most of the time Aberdeen can't be bothered to learn the steps but, on occasion (when she's very tired or Dundee's very mindful or one or both of them has ended up battered and bruised by this complication in life or that), she makes an effort; she tries.
(It's the difference between fuck me and hold me, the difference between Aberdeen and Hallah. Either way, it's never really enough.
But, she tries.) ]
action; TICKETS AREN'T REFUNDABLE WE HAVE TO RIDE THIS ROLLER COASTER AND SOB.
Cambridge is actually a bitch, as much as I detest using that term against a person. [ his own fingers stop on her lower back and move to her hips before digging in. two can play her game. (if it is one.) ]
I wouldn't have you any other way. [ and he wouldn't. because she wouldn't be her.
(i care so much about you, and you shouldn't doubt that i want you.)
there's a sharp inhale on his part when she nudges at the piercing again. he needs to stop paying attention to her mouth when she does that. it causes more problems than he ever wants to admit when she does it. it's another move to their dance and dundee can't tell if it's going to be one of the final ones before they come tumbling down, too exhausted to dance any more. he forgets who leads the dance sometimes (he does, but she leads more when they're improvising.) but the fact that she tries to actually dance their complicated dance means endless things to him.
(he sometimes wonder if they're all that different. fuck me and hold me. they shouldn't be exclusive and yet. and yet.
they are. ]
action; BUT I DON'T WANNNNNAAAAAA ANYMORE
It never occurs to her to think: did you really love her that much or do you love me or tell me to stop. Hallah Tawse may arguably the smartest person Ian Malone knows, armed with a mind capable of parsing through global sound in order to dig up a pindrop in Marrakech, but in the end interpersonal relationships aren't a math problem she can puzzle out or a zero-sum game she can assess. All she can see is what's directly in front of her and all she knows are the impulses she feels whenever she's near him (to push and to pull and to prod and to pry). If it's a handicap, she doesn't see it that way.
Aberdeen pushes herself up onto her tiptoes, steadied now by those hands so firm on her hips. Inside herself, she lets physical attraction eclipse emotional neediness, allows tenderness to buckle under the weight of something much more obvious. ]
You can kiss me now, Ian, [ she says, even though they both know that's not a guarantee that he will. ]
action; IT TOOOO LATE TO BACK OUT
he'll never tell her to stop. ian malone would rather run into a brick wall than tell hallah tawse that. ian loves her. dundee loves aberdeen. the same person loves another, but the distinction lies in what he'd allow himself to do. she can poke and prod at him because he doesn't mind. it's just what she does until she's satisfied. let her try to figure him out. he's a puzzle, less complicated than her, but one nonetheless.
his tongue darts to lick his lips for a moment before smiling just slightly. of course she'd say that. of course. his fingertips dig in a little more to make sure she's fully steady despite being on her tiptoes. if she fell, he'd go tumbling down with her and he doesn't know (he has an idea) what would happen if that happened. ]
You want me to, don't you Hallah? [ he asks, knowing the answer, but still wanting to hear it before he gives her a kiss. maybe. ]
action; BUT I WANNA GO HOME AND WEEP INTO MY PILLOW!!!! D:
Don't ask stupid questions or you know what I want or you can fuck me now too. Something so blunt as to be antagonistic because for Hallah and Ian (for Aberdeen and Dundee) there is no other way to be. They're both too stubborn and too headstrong and unwilling to admit aloud just how codependent they are on one another. But they are — there's no denying it — almost suffocatingly so and although that hasn't changed since arriving on the Tranquility other things — some large, some infinitesimal and small — have.
Again, it's that difference between hold me and fuck me, a divide that Hallah never truly acknowledges except when she calls Dundee by name. Never truly acknowledges until now, because instead of her predetermined retort, instead of kissing him the way she might normally do, Aberdeen drops back down to flatfooted, Dundee's hand still on her hips.
She drops down and slides her hands up until her arms are crossed against the nape of his neck and her face is pressed against his throat, her mouth murmuring against his pulse but never kissing. ]
Tell me you won't fight her again.
[ It's as much for her as it is for him.
(Don't make me have to admit those things again. Not unless I have to.) ]
action; N O P E BUY A PILLOW HERE AND WEEP INTO IT D:
this is hallah with him, not aberdeen. even though they're the same person, with the same personality and with the same sort bluntness, hallah will show a bit of self control. they're codependent and for the two of them, it's something...they shouldn't admit. and even there was a possibility that they should, it's still such an impossibility with how they are as people.
all ian will ever admit is that he cares about her. not that he finds her to be someone who needs to be in his life. just that he cares so deeply about her that it's kind of patethic sometimes. a part of him, close to the surface, is actually a little saddened that she dropped back to her feet.
at least until her hands slide up to his neck and her face just seems to burrow against his throat. his heartbeat jumps when she murmurs against it and he not entirely sure he minds. (it's times like this that he can pretend that they're normal.) ]
I won't. She dragged you into it and that's exactly what I wanted to avoid. So. I won't.
[ he'll try. he can't say for sure that he will, but he'll try to not fight with her.
(please don't make me feel worse than i do about this. i care about you and it hurts to know i'm hurting you.)
he uses the leverage he has from his hands still holding onto her hips to pick her up just slightly so he can nuzzle her nose before giving her a small kiss. it's probably not exactly what she wants, but it's what he wants to give her. ]
Did that fall under the permission?
action;
Aberdeen's lashes flutter when he breaks contact and she feels something, not inside her mouth or against her lips but underneath her breastbone. A sharp contraction, like the muscles of her heart all seizing at the same time. It's annoying and terrible and distinctly Dundee; and it's enough to get her to wind her fingers into his hair and tug him down for a second, more urgent kiss. Maybe it's neediness she feels, maybe it's panic; or maybe it's something else entirely, But in any case, Aberdeen doesn't understand it any more than Hallah does and she doesn't try to. (She just wants it gone.)
When Dundee tries to pull away again, Aberdeen makes a small, insistent noise in her throat (possessive and pleading). ]
You can't stop, [ she tells him. ]