[TEXT] 001; Who put piss in my apple juice?

[zoosmell]

oh wow, are we doing this again?
yeah, i don't have anything better than to do!
i'll just be right here in some strange place AGAIN!
bluh bluh bluh, this really sucks.
unless it's been three years?
oh, wow.
maybe i'm three years older?
i wonder why three years older me decided to get a tattoo of a number.
i don't think things are adding up...
i mean uh hello wouldn't a ghostbusters tattoo be even cooler??
oh!!!!!!!!
maybe this is like the numbers for the ghostbusters!
so now when anybody asks who're you going to call, i can just show them this number!
nice going older me.
boy, i'm really smart when i'm older!

Comments

[rectified]

For the millionth time except for the feathers and wings I am completely human. I don't need to go to some stupid vet.

[zoosmell]

But what if I broke your wing?

I don't know how to set your wing! Or when to clean a bird bath!

[rectified]

Why would you want to break my wing. [SUSPICIOUS not really]

It's still bone in the end, who knows though but if I keep it aligned it should heal on its own. [shrug and then stares] Again, human. I'll be fine taking showers thanks.

[zoosmell]

Accidents happen! [ john stop suggesting it ]

What if you get into mating season? I do not know what to do with a mating Dave bird.

[rectified]

[JOHN FOR THE LAST TIME HE IS NOT A BIRD]

Afraid I'll swoon you off your feet? [you asked for it.]

[zoosmell]

[ part bird is still bird!!!!! ] Wow, don't be so gross.

But if you like someone, do you throw up in front of them? Is that what birds do?

[rectified]

Ouch, don't call my mating gross.

[shrugs as he leans back a little]

My brain is human, not bird bro, how the hell should I know? We could present a feather and exchange one with some sassy dance or some funky shit like that who even knows. I don't even know. [LMFAO....]

[zoosmell]

Are you going to get court a lady bird, like, every season?

What if there are no lady birds around?



Who are you going to court if there isn't any lady birds?

[rectified]

I can court whoever the hell I want, doesn't have to be a lady bird christ. I'm not about to hit on the next bird I see. What kind of guy do you take me for.

[zoosmell]

What if you get all the ladies? And all those ladies... are BIRDS? We have to think about these things because these are very serious topics.

Also, because they will have to get past the John Egbert test to do a silly feather dance with you at all, and it is such an intense test.

[rectified]

I think you're overthinking this too much. I'm not a bird. I'm like not even half bird, I'm quarter bird. I'm b.

..John Egbert test? They have to go through a test to date me? [LOOKING VERY AMUSED HERE] Are you my mom now?? I expected something like this from Lalonde shit, not you.

[zoosmell]

I can have my own tests, too! They are very hard and most of the questions are about being awesome and cool and if they can do magic tricks.

... And because if I have to do a big brother speech to Dave, I'm gonna do something for you, too. I will even make birdy diagrams.

[rectified]

What does magic tricks have to do with it, that's more your thing. [magic tricks are for squares]

Okay.

[zoosmell]

I think I'm getting really good at magic tricks!

Here, I'll show you... [ no you know this trick it's too sad to even type out in actions but yeah he reaches out boops him on the nose and then shows him the tip of his thumb...... ] Look, I got your nose!

[rectified]

[flat stare. except fuuuuCKKK he didn't really right-- he wrinkles his nose back a little, just to sniff and once he's confident he still has his nose he snorts.] Wow.

[zoosmell]

Isn't that trick the coolest? I know like, a gazillion of them, like... think up a number between 1 and 4!

[rectified]

Five.

[zoosmell]

I am so impressed by all your cheatingness cheatiness!

Now choose a real number and don't tell me. You have to let the magic happen.

[rectified]

You saying five isn't a real number? The heartless cold John strikes again. [except he's kidding.]

Fine fine. [he'll just think of two then, because one is too obvious.]

[zoosmell]

It's three, right?

[ john why ]

[rectified]

[ wow his voice will drip in sarcasm now] I am shocked how did you ever get the right number I am practically shivering in awe.

No actually you got it wrong.

[zoosmell]

Wow, you are so wrong, because it was the right number! That's what it said in the bo... in my magical learning place!

It was the right number, wasn't it? I am not letting your feathery gay butt mess with me! [ tugging at him!! ]

[rectified]

[staying rock solid still.] Don't be a sore loser just because you guessed wrong.

[zoosmell]

My magical learning tome book said it would be three!

Come on, Dave. Dave. Daaaaaave.

[rectified]

I was thinking two, clearly your tome book is lame and can't expect to understand the mind of a coolkid.