ataraxion | video + voice | make me a beast half as brave i'd be the same

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video + voice | make me a beast half as brave i'd be the same

[private to jesse pinkman and miles edgesworth | not encrypted | video]

[The Libby--and it's just Libby, even if her face is clean and her hair is gently washed and flowing smooth and purely blonde--who appears in the video is relieved. Not drunk, not jittery with tension, not panicked or cornered or twisted by anger. Just relieved, smiling with an old, recently missing quirk to it, wrapped up in an oversized black jacket and smoking with a hand that shakes but only slightly.]

Hey, guys. Guess who I can't find? Um--do you want to like. Watch a stupid future movie or whatev, some time? I've got--I've got a lot of free time. So. You know. Or anything.

And, um--maybe we should all check in. Every morning and tonight. Your girls too, Jesse. I just ydon't want--well. A lot of people have been going missing. [She ruffles her hair with her free hand, but still. For the first time since she got here she can breathe.] But yeah. Anything you want.

[private to james rogers | not encrypted | voice]

Um. Hey.

[Nervous, but that's fine, right? Everything is fine today.]

[public | voice]

Loki's gone. I don't know who of you care, but unless he shows up and calls me an idiot on this thing--he's gone. So. Tally that up, I figure.

[A quiet, disbelieving laugh, her voice mellow and soft, and Libby falls back on her bed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

We're to continue on, without question.

[He firms his jaw, hearing the sorrow in her voice.]

We're capable of just as much as he was. And we've no hidden agendas.

Yeah.

[She exhales, low and soft.]

You ever think there's something wrong with us, though?

...Like what?

Like why--

[She hesitates because she lacks the words for this.]

Like I get you. And I know when I'm not being a brat you get me. Like--we can argue and it makes sense even if you piss me the fuck off sometimes.

But it doesn't work like that with other people and I know it's not because of how old we are. And I used to keep--thinking other peolle were just stupid, but what if it's us? What if we're a whole different coding language and that's why this doesn't make any sense?

[That...makes...a lot of sense. He looks down and clears his throat, suddenly not really able to think of a good counterargument to that. He furrows his brow for a while.]

That's, ah...

[He shakes his head.]

Well. Everyone experiences...cultural differences. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with anyone.

It still sucks.

[Succinct.]

And I'm tired of people being assholes to us about it. It's not--I can't help being fucked up, like, what? I just magically stop being a huge mess? You magically don't have all the shit that happened to you?

[His voice goes a bit tense.]

Is this under a filter?

[She is off today, haphazard and careless, but Edgeworth snaps her back into functioning.]

I--fuck. I'm sorry. Shut down now. Nobody accessed.

[And he relaxes.]

...It's fine. No need for apology; merely something I'd sooner others not know.

No, it's not-- [she makes a frustrated little noise]--I don't know why I'm so fucking spacy lately. I keep forgetting things, I'm wicked tired, I can't focus. And it's not Loki, I just--I don't know what's wrong.

[Good an opportunity as any. Carefully:]

Perhaps you might see a doctor about it. They might be able to provide some advice.

I don't--

[...oh. She snaps, immediately:]

It is not brain damage.

[Quickly:] Nor was I suggesting that. But things such a fluid imbalance and the like can cause such symptoms. They'll be able to tell you whether it's something like that or something as simple as needing more sleep.

I sleep. [Sometimes. She struggles to key down her defensiveness a notch--she wouldn't tell anyone else except Jesse her brain wasn't working right, but it's still a vulnerability more enormous than anything physical.

Then she remembers: Loki is gone. She can tell him. Finally.]

I--Loki didn't want me telling people, and this stays with us, 'kay? I know what happened to the last crew. I found it.

...Go on.

Theu wanted to do experiments. To make a perfect society. But it went all fucked up, the people they were working on--the old crew, they went crazy. They killed each other and all the staff, except Smiley. He's a survivor. He embedded the truth in the list 'cause he knew everyone would look at it but nobody went deep enough but me and Loki.

That's why I don't want you in there. That's why I won't go. What if it's still tainted? I'm not dying like that.

[Good lord. If that's true...

He grits his teeth. But at the moment, there are more important things at stake.]

You're certain of this? That it wasn't a fabrication?

Loki had me decode it. Of course I'm sure.

[Because why lie about that? Why deceive her? One thing she always counted on was that he wanted to figure this place out as much as she did.

Take one small hacker desperate to prove herself, mix with trickster sleight of hand, and receive a lie that eagerly self-perpetuates in Libby's mind. Loki barely had to do anything. Libby lied to herself for him and didn't even know.]

...Regardless. That predates the current staff, doesn't it?

How can we trust them? I'm not sitting on some fucking table letting somebody I don't trust fuck with my body.

We test them. That's how. We see if they are indeed trustworthy.

How?

I can go in for a physical examination first. We can see then if I'm hale and healthy afterwards. If that's so, then you can be examined. I can come along as a chaperon as defense against something happening. Does that make sense?

That's still a stupid idea and I'm not doing it.

[Dammit.]

Why not.

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