ataraxion | video + voice | make me a beast half as brave i'd be the same

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video + voice | make me a beast half as brave i'd be the same

[private to jesse pinkman and miles edgesworth | not encrypted | video]

[The Libby--and it's just Libby, even if her face is clean and her hair is gently washed and flowing smooth and purely blonde--who appears in the video is relieved. Not drunk, not jittery with tension, not panicked or cornered or twisted by anger. Just relieved, smiling with an old, recently missing quirk to it, wrapped up in an oversized black jacket and smoking with a hand that shakes but only slightly.]

Hey, guys. Guess who I can't find? Um--do you want to like. Watch a stupid future movie or whatev, some time? I've got--I've got a lot of free time. So. You know. Or anything.

And, um--maybe we should all check in. Every morning and tonight. Your girls too, Jesse. I just ydon't want--well. A lot of people have been going missing. [She ruffles her hair with her free hand, but still. For the first time since she got here she can breathe.] But yeah. Anything you want.

[private to james rogers | not encrypted | voice]

Um. Hey.

[Nervous, but that's fine, right? Everything is fine today.]

[public | voice]

Loki's gone. I don't know who of you care, but unless he shows up and calls me an idiot on this thing--he's gone. So. Tally that up, I figure.

[A quiet, disbelieving laugh, her voice mellow and soft, and Libby falls back on her bed.]

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Well, I can only think we've had a lucky escape, then. Or halved, at least, if one still remains.

[A pause where he realises he might have just supremely shoved his foot in it, mouth pressing into a frown.]

I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask if you were friendly before I went casually applauding his leaving.

[She does flinch, slightly, but covers it quickly with a smile. She wasn't expecting a wash of mourning, really.]

It's better. He fucking hated it here anyway. Whenever he is he's probably just happy to never see our stupid faces again.

Watch out for the other one, though.

Oh, I will, don't worry. I think messing with gods might be one step too far, even for me. Especially gods that have hands in bringing about apocalypses and whatnot.

[Though he is already wondering what it might be like, to meet one, at the very least. Not exactly an experience he'd be able to have at home.]

I wouldn't put it past this one.

[The 'asshole' at the end of the sentence is inferred easily. She's not a fan.]

Just don't get under his thumb.

It's been a very long time since I was truly under anyone's thumb.

[And really, he could take the way she said it as a challenge more than a warning - and he had an awful weakness for challenges. But he does have sense enough to know attempting to deal with the Liesmith himself the way he'd dealt with his father and everyone else wouldn't necessarily work out quite the same.

The exact phrasing has him curious, though.]

You've made alterations to your appearance and demeanour. Related? Or simply getting comfortable.

Recalibrating.

[It's an automatic slip into technical language, like the way she goes serious and focused, adjusting the hang of his jacket.]

The social environment here wasn't hospitable to the last iteration, so. I'm test running. There are still a lot of bugs to work out. I hear you did the same thing. Jaye says you used to be shy.

[So: you get it.]

I would have thought the main point of the last 'iteration' was to provoke some social hostility.

[The technical language was a little strange, but a good way to express it, he supposes. He raises his eyebrows at the idea Jaye had been talking about him - he doubts 'shy' was the exact phrasing, knowing what the woman was like.]

Not precisely. I was keeping to a previous set of behaviour until I was sure this was real and I wasn't being observed. [A small shrug and a smile.] Getting comfortable.

It turns out as a defense mechanism that doesn't work here.

[Her face screws up, rueful and--worse, more scarred, but that's not important. And yes, the language had been more...colorful.]

You'd think someone would add that to the fucking manual. 'By the way, even though we all come from crazy different worlds and most of us have superpowers, we almost all have stupid fucking middle class morals and ideas and also flip our shit if you ask us to rethink any of our wicked brilliant plans. And then we call you a bitch.'

Not that I'm bitter. Just saying. Would have been nice to know I didn't have to be a bitch, it's sort of exhausting, you know?

Hey, want to write that with me?

A manual? [Raised eyebrows.] Considering my experiences here don't quite fit with what you've just described, I'm not sure how much help I would be. Or I've just never let other people's morals effect me overmuch.

Edited (why was that apostrophe there) 2012-08-20 02:37 (UTC)

The newbie guide. Have you been asleep a lot lately? Anyway, I was mostly being sarcastic. But serious. A guide for dealing with the social norms on the ship--because they are some fucking social norms even if everybody acts like we're this big inclusive crew.

Busy. Working and such.

[Which sometimes did mean sleeping, but she didn't need the details.]

And I don't know if I really want to be giving out a guide like that. [He smiles.] It's rather entertaining, watching all the sharp edges clash off each other until they manage to even out.

[Right. Not everyone defines watching the network as part of their job.]

I don't know, buddy. [She chews on a strand of hair.] It's funny 'til somebody gets shanked, you know?

I think the people inclined to be shanking anyone are likely to do it, social norms or not.

[He'd almost object to her phrasing it like that, because he hadn't said funny, just entertaining, but he has the feeling she'll just take that as pedantic.]

You do understand that this is how normal human interaction happens? Group form, conflict, find harmony, then either continue through cycles of conflict and harmony as new stimulus is introduced or fall apart completely. Even with a manual, it isn't going to change much.

I know that.

[No, she doesn't. It's for the same reasons she'd take his objections as pedantic--language is inherently imprecise, if you want to express something concrete you have to introduce hardcoded definitions prior to the discussion or operate somewhere the definitions are already set. Libby doesn't get, at all, that people can't be programmed exactly like a computer. You can't just feed the correct information in and expect the desired response without fail.]

Whatev. It's a stupid idea. How're tricks for you?

[Case in point of sucking at this: rapid subject shift.]

[Raised eyebrows at that, the declaration teamed with the sudden subject change. He knows that sort of behaviour, defensive in a way, trying to deflect away from a perceived failing (when all it truly managed to do was highlight it). He could be gentle and go along with it, but the subject change she offered was talking about himself, and as arrogant as he was, he didn't actually like discussing himself openly or in much detail. Old habit died hard, and as much as he was getting comfortable on the ship, he had years of lying and hiding tempering his behaviour.]

That's a shame. [He says it lightly, lazily.] If you didn't 'know that', there might have been the opportunity for you to learn more about it.

[That put her on the actual defensive immediately, deeper and tenser than just a desire to avoid embarrassment. It's too close to Loki and his lessons. Too--sure, too knowing, and Libby wants to snap at him.

But she has learned a few things. So she just smiles, abruptly and deliberately bland and blank. She can play stupid and sweet very, very well when she wants; she knows it's not going to be convincing, it's such a drastic switch, that's the point. It's saying I'm not playing, that's all.]

Oh, I don't know. I think I know enough? I mean, I'm dumb, but that's 'kay, isn't it?

Edited 2012-08-22 20:40 (UTC)

[He almost rolls his eyes. He's never particularly thought of himself as a teacher, but seeing just how obvious and clumsy her attempts were made him want to reach out and fix them.]

If you like being dumb. [He does make an effort not to be too judgemental of other people, but those that chose to remain ignorant were probably the first that received it.] But I've played that game, remember. [Because shy can't be how Jaye phrased it, explaining his earlier behaviour to her.] I'm fully, intimately aware of just how frustrating and boring it is.

[At the moment she doesn't care if he thinks she's dumb. She wants to look stupid so he'll let her just do whatever screwed up grieving she has to do. She's had teachers. She doesn't want any more.

And some even more rebellious part of her, the part that the few people she counts as friends like, asks why she has to learn at all. Maybe clumsy and awkward and with her heart on her chest pulsing and open is just how she is.

Maybe, it occurs to her her, she wants to be real before she learns how to be fake. Maybe she's been doing it bavkwards.]

And you're such a good teacher?

[Light, sweet.]

I have this funny feeling you don't actually care, you just want to show off. Why don't you talk to someone smarter who can appreciate that?

I already am talking to someone smarter. [She can try playing dumb, if she likes, but that doesn't mean he's going to play along.] Though you aren't currently capable of accurately analysing anyone's behaviour, so don't try to presume my motivations.

[Boredom, a dislike of seeing potential wasted, interest in her as a person, maybe even just trying to help, if she truly felt the need to use constructed personalities. Showing off was something you did later, when you'd actually succeeded in an endeavour.]

And I've never taught before in my life, but I might have been willing to try. [A tilt of his head.] It was a friendly offer. I'll be sure not to make the same mistake in future.

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video + voice | make me a beast half as brave i'd be the same

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