ataraxion | Ω 4 Ω [Video]

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Ω 4 Ω [Video]

[Alex is sitting cross-legged on the floor of his room, the device on a nearby chair, giving a good view of the room. He's wearing a leather jacket (black-provided in his locker this time), and a pair of jeans. He's looking a bit James Dean today (thank you very much), and for the first time in a while, he's feeling a bit less....stressed.

Not that there isn't a lot to stress out about. But give a guy his own clothing (not a power diaper suit), and some sweet tunes (which are currently playing distantly in the background)--he can feel a bit better about life for a few minutes.]

So we're all stressed out, right? Which, fuck, I think we all have a right to be. We're on the fucking Lost in Space ship [That's what the name of that show was called, right? The show one of the kids in Promenade told him about], with people trying to kill us, make us sick, and no end in sight.

With more people coming every month.

[Okay, get to the point, Alex. It's a stupid point, but you want to make the offer, so do it.]

I know some people have been trying to find ways to relax and while I [He coughs, he doesn't like admitting he's wrong] was kind of a dick about it, I get the reasoning.

What I'm trying to say is that I got my hand-crank record player, and some records in my locker, last jump.

Johnny Cash, Buddy Holly, Big Bopper...you know, the good stuff.

If anyone wants to come over, and just relax for a bit--I'd be okay with that.

Figure I'd be an asshole not to share.

[Private Filter to Charles Xavier, the Space Traveling one]

[Alex looks a lot less upbeat than he did in the previous messages. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.]

I know you're busy with the Spock stuff but um--when you get a chance, can you come over? I got to thinking about you and me--you know the whole 'alternate timeline' shit.

I just came to a conclusion I want to talk to you about.

[--]

[Private to Megamind]

Look, sorry. I was an asshole.

[--]

[ooc: Action is fine! There will be an open log put up later today for people who don't want to action it up here.]

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[Well.

That was not quite what he was expecting.

After sitting quietly for a moment, Charles nodded towards the bottle.]

Going to share?

...shit.

[Alex sighs and hands the bottle over, but not before taking another drink.

He had hoped that he would say what he said and Charles would tell him he was crazy. That he was wrong, immediately.

The fact that the man wanted to drink--meant that Charles might believe it, too.]

[Charles studied the bottle and after a deep breath, he took a solid drink off it. What the hell, the alcohol would probably kill any germs and he doubted that Alex back-washed that badly.

Lowering the bottle he looked at the younger man for a long minute before saying with soft honesty.]

I don't know that I want to go back, Alex.

...because of the beach. And them um--thing?

[He fumbles over it, not wanting to say what he knows--that his brother's wife or whatever explodes Charles in some version.

He sighs, shaking his head, fingers curling in Bozo's fur.]

Well I just--I think we're going to get your wish.

[Alex wants to go back...but he doesn't see how it's ever an option.]

We're only different because we went to other places. We don't fit in our time, anymore.

Not just because of the beach.

[Charles said quietly, leaning forward and linking his fingers together.]

But because, it would not appear that I learn anything from the beach.

I know how and when I die. [He explained though the expression on his face was more wry than upset or flustered.] The same hubris that nearly got us all killed on that beach, will get me killed in the end.

But it is more than that Alex. A life time of warfare.

[He glanced down at Bozo, before exhaling deeply.]

I pictured a very different world, Alex. I pictured a world where mutant and man kind worked side by side to lift us all out of the darkness of warfare and into an age of peace. Where differences could be celebrated and no child would know the fear of a world war again.

Instead, I plunge us into a never ending conflict with Erik. My students are raised as soldiers, raised to teach the next generation of soldiers not just because of Erik but also because the humans...

[Charles choked a little, glanced away and then continued.]

Because the humans will come to fear and hate us so deeply they will build machines to wipe every remaining mutant off the Earth. An act that will force the mutants just a generation beyond you, into an act of utter desperation just to hope to survive.

I know.

[Alex breathes for a moment, then puts Bozo down, scooting across the room to sit next to Charles. He doesn't touch him (he's good at reading other people, but never good at deciding when comfort is needed), but at least he's closer.

Looking down at his hands, he shakes his head for a moment.]

I was told everything. I either die sometime before my brother shows up and you know him [Because why would Charles never have mentioned him?] or...I dunno. I heard about another version of me...who fights, who runs his own team...who is a hero. I like that. But at the same time, who knows if I'm happy.

[He looks over at Charles, pressing his lips together, and finally reaches out to squeeze a hand on his forearm.]

There is always hope, Charles. And we do what we do because we believe in you. In the dream--I know one of Erik's grandchildren...and his boyfriend. And they are happy, and much more accepted by the human population, apparently.

It's possible, Charles. I like--I don't know if we're even going to see that--

[Again, depending on timeline, he may be just dead]

--but it's not all hopeless.

[He drops his hand, running it through his hair, instead, suddenly feeling self conscious.]

...sorry. I don't really know what I'm talking about.

[Charles glanced down when Alex shuffled over but otherwise he made no move to encroach on the younger man's space. He did not want to push.]

Kurt always sounded happy. [Charles said softly, mentioning the name of the blue skinned teleporter.] He always saw the best in a situation and was willing to give anybody a chance. Even when he should have been thoroughly distrustful of Magneto, he was willing to see and treat Erik as Erik and not the man he will become.

[Reaching up, Charles pushed his fingers through his hair. Briefly he remembered all the comments about his having hair but at the moment the amusement of that development was lost on him.]

I do not know what to tell you, Alex. I do not doubt that there is selfishness in my desire to just keep running. The thought of the weight of all that responsibility, of the loss as well as the gain, frightens the hell out of me at times.

Out here, in places like this and back where I came from, it was like being frozen in a little moment of time. Though I could live without the being jerked around by unseen forces and thrust into life or death situations at the drop of a hat.

[He lowered his hand and sat up, this time reaching down with his other hand to touch Alex's shoulder.]

I think, Alex that the best way to not drive ourselves crazy on this point is to accept that for now, we are where we are meant to be. For whatever reason, for whatever outcome, we need to live in this moment and make the most of this moment.

Teddy was always happy, too.

[Alex sighs, reaching for the bottle to take a long drink, putting it down between them again. He looks over at the other bed, where Bozo has jumped up, curled into his pillow and fallen asleep.]

I think it would mess up anyone, Charles. I just--its not about wanting to go back, but should. There is a timeline that's just...gonna go on if we are there or not. There is already a Charles, back there, dealing with it. We are meant for something else, I think.

Though what, I have no idea.

[He flinches slightly at the hand (not very good with contact), but he doesn't move away from it, either.]

I get that...it's just hard. I lost everyone who knew me, coming here.

[He knew Charles did, too. Which is why this is the first time he's voicing it.]

I just--don't know how much it's worth, reaching out again, knowing that I'm going to lose it all.

[He's never been able to keep a hold of anything, in his life. For once, he just wants to know something was his, and stayed his, for less than a few months.]

[Listening to Alex's words hurt and Charles' hand fell away as his mind was forced towards the memories of an Erik who had cared about him. Memories of Kurt, Logan, Claire and Sean. Of the others who had begun to make up a makeshift family and who were now lost to him.

Folding his fingers together, Charles forcefully drove the memories back and away from the current conversation before he continued.]

I believe, Alex that the enormity of our situation is much more convoluted and complex than we have the tools to truly understand.

The feedback I always received from those who had been, gone and returned was that our home timelines continue with us in them as if we are not lost. That what is years to us here, is but the blink of an eye elsewhere.

I am afraid that theoretical physics on that level is a touch beyond my own course of study.

[Though there is a tone to his voice that indicates he might be considering starting to look at it all a little more closely.

Acknowledging the thought, then pushing it aside, Charles turned his head and looked back down at Alex with a gentle expression.]

I am afraid, my friend, that is a question you will have to answer for yourself. It is tempting, to shut off connection, to protect yourself from loss. [Charles was something of a master at the art, so his next words felt hypocritical in his mouth but he said them regardless.] But I do not believe we are meant to shut ourselves off from the people we meet. We may only have them in our life for a brief period of time but that time can be just as precious as forever.

Maybe but--

[He shakes his head.]

What if it's that Alex? That Charles? Not us.

[There's more to it, to the secondary mutation that he knows a version of him has, and maybe he does, too.

At his comment though, he snorts, shaking his head.]

Is it? I get...it's not like you don't know what it's like, Charles. To look straight into the face of someone you built something with, something good, only to find they don't know it. At all.

[What happened with Eames? Was hard.]

...I don't know if I could handle Sean showing up, and not knowing what I do.

[...after it's out of his mouth, he realizes too late what it implies. Not that it would be true, actually.]

[Well, yes, Charles does know how this feels. He knows it intimately and in a way that makes the knife twist hard in his chest when Alex brings the subject up.

But he carefully blocks away his own thoughts, his own personal experience with this and focuses on Alex for now.]

You will handle it, Alex because the truth is there is no other choice. [Charles' voice was firm but not unkind.]

You are selling yourself short, my friend and I truly wish you would not give in to the desire to do such a thing. You are stronger than you know and I have faith in you.

No, I'm pretty sure there are a few other ways I can handle it.

[He's not saying that they are good ways, but they are ways

He ducks his head, sightly, sighing.]

Well I appreciate the faith or whatever--just got to figure out to have that in myself, first.

[Charles gave a warm smile and reached down to lightly touch Alex's shoulder.]

I imagine you will manage, Alex. In your own, unique way.

Now. You probably have friends, who have a greater appreciation for rock and roll than I do, so I shall make myself scarce.

[In truth, Alex's words and questions had stirred up memories that Charles was trying to keep under wraps. He needed some solitude to get those feelings sorted back out into their appropriate boxes.]

You sure?

[Alex frowns slightly--he didn't mean to run Charles off.]

Quite.

[Charles said with a quick smile and a squeeze to the younger mutant's shoulder before he stepped away and headed for the door.]

Enjoy the records, Alex.

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