ataraxion | audio; 011 [ filtered & encrypted 95% ]

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audio; 011 [ filtered & encrypted 95% ] | a couple of hours post-jump

[ It's been a while since Dean's actually relied on the network to communicate with the people he wants to get messages to, but he's been lying low these past couple of weeks because guilt's a bitch and he knows it well. Being taken out of action forcibly is something he's never been able to deal with well, so sulking after the event has gotten him precisely nowhere but spending a hell of a lot of time on his own.

Today he's going to make that first, tentative step towards actually trying to work through the guilt he's not planning on admitting to any time soon. He works through the relatively short list to check in where he knows he's supposed to, tells himself if he does this then maybe he'll get away with not talking about how he feels about all of this crap. The post-jump headache that's sitting right behind his eyes is making that prospect even more painful than usual. ]

[ Private - filtered to Sam and Cas ]
Time to play hardball. [ This place might be getting to him now more than ever... but he's done watching people around him suffer. ] We gotta talk about our options 'cause 'm tired of us gettin' our asses handed to us.

[ Private - filtered to Tyke ]
...you good? [ A pause before a more telling question: ] Are we good?

[ Private - filtered to Tyke and Tommy ]
T Squad. Can I get an update on what's been goin' on in patrol lately?

[ Private - filtered to Jim Kirk ]
Think we're long overdue a beer. Your place or mine, sweetheart?

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Fuck if I know. Spent most of last month on my ass thanks to that bug. And now we've got a whole new set of labs to keep an eye on? [ Insert grumpy harumph here. ]

Labs? [ Nope, Dean's been out of the loop for way too long. ] What labs?

Labs where the cure was, at the end of the maze. They cleared them, last big thing I heard. [She frowns, looking just as grumpy as Tommy had sounded.] Doc's got me benched.

[ Nothing like a liberal dose of grumpy squad members to listen to. Whatever the hell's going on there's a small part of him that finds some kind of weirdly comforting familiarity in it. The half smile that ghosts his lips is the first in a while even if it's hidden away from their eyes. ]

Don't think 'm wrong sayin' our jobs couldn't get any harder than they already are. We'll fix up the rotas and make sure we got 'em all covered.

[Taylor never sees the point in audio only; prefers text, but the letters are making her eyes hurt. He gets video instead, Taylor looking tired and pale - not helped by the only light in the room coming from the device itself - but not as sick and out of it as she's been after previous jumps.]

You're answering messages now?

[ Dean's suddenly glad that he didn't pick video, the wince that flashes across his features brief but guilt-ridden. Yeah, he knows he screwed up and maybe one day he'll figure out how to apologize to everybody he feels like he let down. But right now he's not anywhere near the right mindset to start with apologies, so he clears his throat and doesn't get too defensive when he opens his mouth to reply. ]

Yeah.

[She frowns for a moment, because yeah, it had been annoying getting no reply like that. But if he's got a reason then he's got a reason.]

Just as long as you're not blue anymore.

[He'd be dead if he was, but she still says it, because it had freaked her the fuck out, seeing him and Tommy like that. Disease wasn't something she was trained to deal with. It's why she'd gone into the maze - something she could actually do.]

I'm good. [Moving onto his actual question, half a shrug, but it doesn't do much to cover over how frustrated her expression gets when she lists off the things that aren't actually good with her.] Jump wasn't as bad. Got my shoulder busted up before. Stitches've been driving me fucking insane, but it's healing.

Blue's gone. [ Not that he knew anything about it at the time. He just feels yellow, now. But he promises all the same.

He lets her voice trail off into silence and though he's frowning hard he knows that doesn't translate across the audio connection. He can feel the lump in his throat double in size, the way she reels off what's not good with her only doubling and tripling the guilt he can feel heavy around his neck too. The apology, he knows, won't come in a way that works over an audio encryption.

He's just not sure he can face those injuries yet in person. ]

Somethin' had to drive you insane while I was outta action. [ Humor in the most awkward of situations is Dean's self-defense mechanism, but this time it sounds as heavy and hurt as he feels. He doesn't sound like he really believes that. ]

[Taylor's never one to expect people to talk over the devices in any way different from what they want, but right now, she really wishes he was using video. See the lack of blue for herself (remind herself what he looked like without it; last time she'd seen him, tinged blue, laid up on a medbay bed). See what expression he's got when he lapses into silence like that, when he comes back with something like she's used to him saying, but it doesn't sound right at all.]

Would've preferred you. [She's frowning as she says it, realising what it sounds like (realising it's true), one hand coming up rub at the side of her neck.] Don't get how people deal with these fucking things. Pulled them twice already.

[It's grumbling and a little reluctant. She knows that was her own damn fault.]

[ Dean takes the change in subject gratefully - he's relieved because whatever the hell he could say about that admission... he really doesn't want to say a damn thing - and his eyes don't leave the tips of her fingers as they rub at the side of her neck.

Yeah, he knows how much of a pain in the ass sutures are on a good day, but there's an unmistakable warmth in his voice when he speaks again. That hollow sounding man has no place in a conversation between the two of them. ]

Stop pullin' them. You keep touchin' and they'll make you keep'em in longer. [ There's a small pause before he fills any potentially heavy silence with more words. ]

How long you got left for those?

[A huff of something like a laugh, the curve of a smile, brief, at the corner of her mouth. The change in his tone is noticeable (it's got to be the fact he's using audio only that's making Taylor pay attention to things like that, right), and it's enough to set something more at ease in her expression and the line of her shoulders.]

Like I haven't heard that a million times already.

[An exaggeration in more than just the obvious. Taylor had heard it from McCoy, from Jaye, but Kirk had contributed to the mess she'd made of them in fight club, and Tommy had just given her that look: this is stupid but I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Having Dean say it was different, even if it had finally sunk through her skull not do anything to pull them again already. She stops rubbing at the side of her neck, scrubs fingers back through her hair instead, then lets her hand fall.]

Few days now, I think. Hope.

I've seen worse. [ He's daring her to disagree because he'll know then that things aren't okay. Right now he's playing it the only way he knows how - don't talk about emotions unless there's really nowhere else to go. Talking like that is always a last resort for a goddamn reason. ]

Couple days isn't so bad. How outta action are you? [ Hard questions get asked under the guise of a pick-up line, his interest in more than just whether she's up for what he's pretending is just stress relief. He cares about her well-being and, since they're not talking about it, getting naked and checking it out for himself is the only way he's going to satisfy that concern. ]

[He can't see her back, can't see the four ten-inch long scratches left over her shoulder blades, but she isn't going to juggle the device around to show him. As much as she's bitching about the stitches, she knows it's okay. Superficial, compared to some of the injuries she's experienced.] Yeah, and I've had worse. [Just never had to wait for any of it to heal naturally, never had stitches, never had to watch injuries to make sure she wasn't making them worse.]

No strenuous activity. [She says it straight, like she's got no idea what he's thinking about, asking her that. But she does - of course she does, he's not exactly subtle - and it breaks after a moment, a slight smile and half a shrug.] They haven't got me that out of it, but you want to try coming over here right now and I'll probably puke on you. [She was still dealing with the aftereffects of the jump; could sit up and talk without the nausea getting to her, but not much more.] Fair warning.

[ Sam's been mostly holed up in the library, and he still looks like sleep has been avoiding him like the plague. Still, his expression is set when he hears the call, and he responds quickly. ]

Agreed. There's got to be something we can do.

Where are you? [ Because, Sammy, this is the sound of your older brother actually planning on getting his ass out of his room to come track you down. Maybe it's time to get some decent family time in to shake off this funk. ]

Library. [ He'd actually just woken up from a brief nap, his face stuck to the pages of a book. ] I can come meet you, if you're in the room.

[ Yeeeeah, Sam needs some bro bonding time. Seriously. He's gotten a bit stir-crazy, lately. ]

Took a detour to find some food. [ Which is better than just going for alcohol - definitely an improvement. But he figures since he's already out he can make the effort this time. He needs to see a different set of four walls. ]

I'll meet you at yours. [ A pause, before: ] You hungry? Think they got some rabbit food in here.

Alright. [ He thinks it over, pausing a moment to consider his stomach. Yep, it's been a while since he's eaten. Like sleeping, it's seemed to have fallen by the wayside. ]

... Yeah, I am. Thanks.

[ Well, at least they're leading totally functional, healthy lives!! ]

There's a voice I'm glad to hear. You had me worried, I was getting all flustered thinking you weren't around.

'm still around - don't worry your adorably big head. [ This is all easy to him - this back and forth that pulls him out from the stupor he's found himself in. Emotions just aren't something he knows how to manage without a liberal dose of alcohol. ]

You feelin' that beer? Or you wanna go one better and make it a whiskey?

I dunno, is it a whiskey kind of night?

Can you think of a night here that hasn't been that kinda night?

[a pause, like he's actually trying to think of one.]

Not really, no.

I rest my case. Whiskey it is.

I'll swing by the bar.

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audio; 011 [ filtered & encrypted 95% ] | a couple of hours post-jump

voice | same filter;

audio; same filter foreverrrr

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video; filtered

audio; filtered forever like amazing coffee

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voice; same filter

audio; same filter for infinity+1 :3

audio; :D <3

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audio; brOTP filter; i'm sorry in advance

NEVER BE SORRY OMG I LOVE THESE TWO ASKLJASJ

deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean ps i should send you that thing iwrote

klajsd WAIT WHAT?! SHOW /OPENS ARMS

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is this before castiel left i can't fcking remember anymore also action?