ataraxion | 003

Entry tags:

003 | voice

[ No video this time, because Erik is paranoid as fuck in the aftermath of pretty much everything. And hearing from the smiley face thing Stark pointed out initially does nothing to cure that paranoia. It takes him a while to put together the list, but it's the poem itself, that Erik recognized as familiar. Being from the sixties means he doesn't quite manage off to solve the technology aspect just yet, but he'll get there in due time. ]

Cliched poetry, [ He says, sarcastically as possible. ] like our stay here wasn't any more pleasant than it was initially.

No doubt our friends are hinting at a means of cooperation amongst us. Its implication is not one I'm fond of.

text: private/filtered to mutants/allies
I think it's about time someone else steps up.

[ ooc: ICly shortly before Neal's post because I'm slow. Also filter is open to basically anyone with positive/decent experiences with Erik; if you've talked to him, you're on it. ]

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As inclined as I am to believe you, I've learned to make no assumptions.

[ Too many indications in the past. Notably Schmidt, who implied he was doing things with a pleasant intention, only to have it turn against him. ]

Is it paranoia if I'm responding from experience? I've lived through threats before, and this is one of them.

[ Spock's throat doesn't tighten, despite the flickering sensation of constriction. fact was, at the end of the day, fact. the course of history was inarguable. ]

Experience does not always bequeath wisdom.

[ This is the first time someone has deliberately called Erik out on this and he's visibly put off, brows knitting in annoyance. Erik has always prided his experience as giving him a leg up in knowing how things will play out, regardless of how paranoid he sounds right about now. ]

What would you say over repetitiveness? The same events constantly replay themselves where I come from.

Progress is impossible when one, or both parties, remain attached to history. An emotional response will yield an emotional response- consistently.

[ the control of emotions, so that they do not control you. ]

Forgiveness is not required.
But acceptance- is necessary.

[ Erik's own control of emotions is shoddy at best, because history, acceptance, all of that is so deep rooted in his own anger and frustration, that to even begin to accept is so far off. ]

I've seen it happen when the parties forget. Humanity is doomed to repeat themselves because they don't learn.

You're asking me to do the impossible, Spock. I can't accept, but I can do something different.

It is not different to simply reverse the roles.
Victim becomes perpetrator. The results are reflections of one another, but remain homogenous upon examination.

If you’re implying I intend on doing the same just because I was a victim, you’re sadly mistaken.

[ A pause, before he ends up more determined. ]

I’m not like them.

A conflict does not begin until both parties are moved to action.

[ his gaze lowers. it's a flicker and little more, but present all the same. he understands your desire to stand apart from such an atrocity, Erik. but the lines drawn to distinguish one from the other- ]

Understanding would readily take the place of the assembly of your troops.

[ Understands and does nothing. He'll argue with Spock for the sake of it, but even Erik knows at the end of everything, he's still loyal to Kirk. It doesn't stop him from being passionate against the man nevertheless. ]

Actions speak louder than words, however. Understanding only goes so far until the other party refuses to even acknowledge your words.

[ Such as now, when the offending party is deliberately calling out people he cares about. ]

Experience clouds objective judgment. Responses are made prematurely, rooted in deeply emotional and unresolved internalizations.

We have not been threatened.

[ Damn it. As much as he wants to retaliate against Spock, the man is absolutely right. His own experiences are shaped by a warped perspective, and Erik can't deny that in the slightest. ]

There is a list, Spock. You're on it and you don't believe it's a threat?

[ patient. measured. he is not indifferent, however he may appear to others in this regard- but Spock has always tempered the explosively emotional fire of his peers, with icy stoicism. ]

I am on many lists, Erik.
As are you.

It is this being's anonymity that you perceive as a threat, not it's provided record.

[ If it's one thing Erik has learned about Spock since his own arrival, is that he is anything but indifferent. An anomaly for his open association with Kirk, and an acquaintance he may well consider a friend at this rate for all their conversations in the past. ]

Call it their anonymity if you want, I see their entire existence and their actions as a threat. [ It's hard enough keeping his tone civil, especially around Spock, but Erik does so nevertheless, fighting back the urge to react. ]

I've been on enough lists throughout my life, you're right, and I know what they entail for the members on it.

[ Rounded up, experimented on, eliminated. The words still haunt him to this day. While it may not be the same, Erik can't help but let his concerns show through regardless. ]

No matter what the threat is, I wouldn't want that for anyone.

[ Spock contains himself because it is, largely, all he has ever done. because he is nothing if not a self study. a constant war between necessity and desire while never truly satisfying either. Erik's anger- his fear and sense of purpose, are a heat. not one that he actively seeks, not one he reaches for, but one that announces itself regardless. the clenched teeth between which i too have lost is ground out, venomous and unflinching.

his gaze lifts, and finds the man's face with quiet intent. ]

Then allow me to query this. Part of a list, from an anonymous source is provided to us. Were you the donor, what would you expect of the party to whom you have presented this with?

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