[ 6 ] [ video ] less derring-do than quiet care

[zooms]

[ The really interesting thing about this video broadcast is the fact that it's not actually coming from inside the Tranquility. Hotspur's in the pilot seat of the first shuttle - the one he affectionately named Faith all those months ago back when they all first arrived. His face is lit by the soft glow of the avionic displays in front of him and he sits back from the controls, slack-handed and staring with thick pre-occupation out of the shuttle windows instead.

His comms device - propped up on the co-pilots seat beside him - offers a profile view of Hotspur's features... and beyond him, a bit of the outer hull of the Tranquility suspended against the backdrop of deep space.

Red-eyed, ashen-faced... Hotspur's clearly hasn't been sleeping very well. Being the robust, brick-outhouse sort of fellow that isn't prone to negativity it usually takes a hell of a lot to make him feel less than 100% of his usual awesomeness but here we are. His expression is pained and with one hand he absently fidgets with the loose-hanging metal dogtags that fall around his neck. He doesn't speak up immediately but when he does it's a distant murmur. ]

...Full of them. Even the bad ones.

[ It's an off-hand comment more to himself than the video feed running live beside him. But then, as if only just remembering that it was recording, he seems to pull himself together and turn his head to address the comms device directly. ]

Look, I know not everyone out here's got much time for talk about the Gods and religion and all that but for those folk that do...

[ He pauses and exhales a brief sigh; this little crisis of faith is turning out to be pretty damn painful and he briefly struggles to hunt down the right words to express what he wants to ask. ]

Well. I'm kind of strugglin' to see how this whole... adventure fits in with whatever it is the Gods have got in store for me. For us all. I mean, it's not that I don't have faith that They know what's best, I... I just --

[ He pauses again and his gaze travels wildly around the cockpit until it fixates on the massive hull of the Tranquility beyond the shuttle's screen. ]

I'm not really sure if demons and possessions and all that is just a really really effective test of faith or that maybe we're all just a little bit too far away for the Gods to help us.

Comments

permavoice;

[rebelled]

You're questioning your faith.

[Look, no one said he's actually any good with these kinds of conversations.]

permavoice all the wayyy

[zooms]

...Maybe.

[ He sounds evasive and worried... but most of all guilty. ]

Something like that.

[rebelled]

My Father's reach is infinite, but He has never asked for blind faith in return.

So tell me, why do you believe you have been brought here?

[zooms]

[ The question leaves Hotspur in silent thought for a few brief seconds and when he replies it's in a slow, measured tone as he chooses his words carefully. ]

At first... at first I didn't think about 'why' - because it wasn't important. Whatever reason that the Gods had seen fit to bring us all here was reason enough for me, even if we didn't know all the details.

[ His voice breaks off as emotion catches hold and when he resumes he sounds more worried again, even a little frantic - and the guilt has returned. ]

But now - now it's been so long. And some pretty terrible stuff has happened - terrible stuff to good people. I mean, the demons? That wasn't just a test, surely - that was actual evil. And it could have ended really badly if it weren't for you and Dean being around. [ He pauses. ] Really badly.

So what if that wasn't actually a part of the plan the Gods have for us? What if we are just... just too far away. Out of reach. Lost, even.

[rebelled]

He can still reach us, even here. That much I'm certain of. But what I think or say aren't important. All that matters to Him are your thoughts and just what you choose to do with your time here.

Do you believe that He has abandoned you, or do you believe that there is a reason you were brought here?

[zooms]

[ The feed is silent for a moment as Hotspur recovers from the question - it's hit him hard and left him staggered and breathless with inner conflict and guilt. ]

I guess... I think that's the bit I'm struggling with. I don't know. I can't decide. How am I supposed to decide?

[rebelled]

By following your instincts.

[It's as simple as that.]

You have to make that decision for yourself.

[zooms]

My instincts are tellin' me just to shut up and believe.

[ Nooooo, Castiel, it's not as simple as that, because: ]

But I reckon that might just be fear talking, instead.

[rebelled]

And just what is it that you're most afraid of?