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[Ianto straightens his back and clears his throat as the recording begins, smiling politely.] It's come to my attention that some of you on board may be suffering from a bit of caffeine withdrawal. As I'm sure you're all aware, the quality of coffee on this ship is only tolerable at best, and that's only if you count burnt tar as tolerable. But as luck would have it, my locker seems to know me rather too well and has seen fit to provide me with some of the highest quality beans from home.

[He raises up the bag for the camera, looking just a little smug. Yeah, that is an absolutely fantastic medium roast, thank you for asking.]

With all humility, I can tell you all that I can make some of the best coffee you've ever tasted out of these beans, but supplies are limited. So you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. I'm in need of tasteful menswear that will fit me, Hobnobs, good beer, or a good book. I'm also open to other trades if you think I might be interested. We can negotiate on the number of cups depending on what you have to offer.

[Bring it, tranquility. You want this coffee, Ianto wants a goddamn suit already.]

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[Because Jack's off doing...whatever Jack is off doing sometimes, when Ianto's not with him. Taking walks in lieu of having any roofs to brood on, perhaps]

People should take you up on this. They don't know what they're missing. [Meaning, of course, the near-orgasmic quality of Ianto's coffee and the fact that Ianto looks absolutely killer in a well-tailored suit]

And you're lucky enough not to be missing anything at all, thankfully. I'm afraid I may have addicted you to my coffee.

[And maybe Jack misses the suits, but at least he's complimented Ianto's bum often enough in the jumpsuit that they're not having another kind of withdrawal.]

I'm afraid that there's no 'may have' about it. You've seen what I'm like when I've gone a while without it.

You're a bit of a bear when you're deprived. Just think -- I'm doing the ship a service by ensuring you get more of my coffee than anyone else.

I'm a bit of a bear when I'm deprived of other things too. Are you doing the rest of the ship a service in that capacity as well? [SMIRK]

[He flushes, but smiles gamely.]

Not at all. That's entirely selfish on my part.

Well, then, Mr. Jones. The truth is out, I see.

I confess. I'm not as charitable as you thought. In fact, I'm very self-serving. Greedy, even.

I have to say, I'm not all that broken up about the fact that you are.

No, instead you take advantage and further enable my selfish behavior. [he shakes his head in mock despair] Whatever is a poor employee to do...

I've never once heard you complain about it.

Not a fan of coffee but that's an excellent way to get what you want. It's worked for me.

That's good to hear. I don't believe we've met. Ianto Jones.

Lovely to meet you, Ianto. I'm Bela Talbot. I did hear your name mentioned previously.

Did you? In a good light, I hope.

[Oh dear god, what rumors have been flying around.]

Oh, yes. Of course. [She smiles.] At the last jump, I ran into Jack by accident and your name came up.

Oh. Well that's alright, then.

[Wait.]

What did he say about me?

[Swear to god, Jack, if you're telling strangers about how nice his arse is...]

I believe he said something about grabbing a shower, preferably with a man named Ianto. Then he winked.

[Bela laughs.]

That's all he said about you.

[He closes his eyes in exasperation, blushing, but a close observer might note he seems a little pleased too. Besides, keeping their relationship to themselves is practically impossible in a group of this size.]

Then it seems we're both at something of a disadvantage. You know nothing about me save my potential showering habits, and I'm afraid Jack completely neglected to mention meeting a beautiful woman named Bela. Which is rather unlike him, really. He rarely can help himself.

[She remembered saying to Jack that she thought whoever Ianto was, he was a very lucky man. But Bela kept those thoughts to herself for now.]

It was a brief conversation. He was mostly trying to make sure I didn't fall over as I had a bit of a dizzy spell. We didn't say much other than our names and the mention of you.

[Both of them were pretty evasive with their answers.]

Yeah, he was charming and flirtatious towards me but that was about it. Thanks for thinking I'm beautiful; it's sweet.

[Ianto chuckles] Charming and flirtatious are his middle names. You'd just come out of the grav couches?

Yeah, I did. They don't exactly agree with me. I'm hoping I'll be able to deal with it better the more I experience it.

In my experience, the symptoms don't improve, but your familiarity with the situation helps. I still can't recall some of the details of the previous week for the first couple of days, and the disorientation isn't much different. But I know my way around now, and the memory loss is less disturbing when you wake up where you expect to.

The temporary memory loss is definitely one of the more annoying things when you wake up because I sometimes can't recall who I've met or spoken to. I just hate feeling so sick afterwards and I wish I could make that go away much quicker than it does by itself.

I don't think there's any help for it. A shower and a good meal go a long way, but I've yet to find anything that helps in relieving the symptoms any sooner than they want to be relieved. Not even the most tried and true hangover cure helps.

[he shrugs, regretfully]

If I ever make a breakthrough discovery to the contrary, you'll be the first to know. Well, after Jack.

It's a good thing that we also have doctors on board then. I try not to hang out in the med bay too long if I can help it. I shower, eat and then sleep. Sometimes I drink but not a lot. What kind of hangover cures do you use?

[there's a small smile.] I'd appreciate that.

[ The best cup of coffee? It's not a very lasting thing, is it? Damned if he's not curious, though. What they've got here is... tolerable, exactly. Afghanistan desert heat had been tolerable. ]

What sort of books do you like to read?

At this point I'll settle for anything that isn't an instruction manual.

How about a medical journal?

...What kind of medical journal?

[Yes, he's that desperate.]

You're bribing people with coffee?

[ yes, she sounds rather amused by this and can't help but smile at it. ]

You think it's going to work?

I bloody well hope so. I miss my suits.

[ He said clothes, didn't he? ]

[ OK. Think. Plan. Quickly. ]

[ You are Saint Kitten and you can do anything with nothing, remember?! Yeah, you primp yourself up. Give Kitten a moment to fix her hair and glance into her mirror before-- ]

[ A blonde Irishwoman will now wave rather campily at the screen, clearing her throat. ]

Woooo~

Dear sir, I wish to inform you I have the abilities to make you a suit should we gather the necessary materials.

[ And in an attempt to not sound as desperate as she really is, Kitten's going to give the other a confident smile. ]

[Ianto blinks. This isn't exactly what he was expecting, but he can work with it.]

Generally I'd ask for references, but considering the circumstances, I'll have to take your word on it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure where to find the necessary materials until we land somewhere again.

The offer still stands. I'm a talented seamstress. Even helped suit a couple of band members--you know, the usual, hnnn?

Thank you, truly. I miss my suits even more than I thought I would. If we land somewhere soon, maybe we can get onto one of the shuttles and go fabric shopping. I have some other things I need to pick up anyway.

[He's thoughtful for a moment]

So are you offering because you like making clothes or because you can't stand the caffeinated tar on this ship? Or both?

[He's teasing. He won't care if you're only doing this for the coffee, Kitten.]

I have to do something to keep me from being a complete quivering mess of boredom. It just so happens I hate the coffee and I'm a talented seamstress.

[Oh, he likes this one. He likes him a lot.]

Coffee, you say? I can get you some good beer, and perhaps some clothes.

Oh, you've said the magic words. What kind of clothes? And how much beer?

I prefer my clothes tight, but I'm sure I can get some that are a little more loose. As for the beer, that I have in spades. Some brand names I've never heard of, but seeing as I spend a lot of time in the bar, it makes it easier to get a hold of them.

We'll see about the clothes then, but for the beer, you can have a cup of coffee for every bottle. Sound fair?

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SORY ABOUT THAT THANK YOU <333

No problem! :D

<3

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