ataraxion

It's not enjoyable, Skye. I'm sure you might think that I'm trying to bargain my way into some better standing, but I'm just here trying to survive like everyone else.

No. You don't think there's a chance of bargaining to a better standing, you know that'll never happen. So I don't know what you're hoping to achieve with this. [ That's what makes her nervous. It's hard to guard against not knowing what his game is. Ward is one of the big reasons she wants to better control this superpower, whatever it is. The thought that he might get a look inside her head, like she got into his, terrifies her. ]

[His expression doesn't betray any sort of thought process. There's no shock that she declines his estimation of her thoughts on his presence and there's no smugness that should come from how uneasy she is about him being there.]

I'm not hoping to achieve anything, Skye. [He keeps using her name, keeps saying it to try and ensure that she still sees him as someone that cares. Because he does.]

Not in whatever way you think I am - at least. Stopping the bleeding of memories from one person to the other -- that would be nice, but I'm not a scientist. I can't figure out why it's happening or how to stop it.

So you stepped up to make sure I knew that you're entirely useless. [ She at least seems to find footing in that. ] Good to know.

I don't see you with any miracle solutions, either.

[ She lifts her chin, grinds her teeth, and studies him a moment. Her head tilts to the side, tossing her hair somewhat. It's longer. Shinier. She's not as rough around the edges as she wants to be. ]

I've been turning over the network, pulling data. The other passengers, Erik and Charles, are calling it Moira. The thing inside this ship, making it what it is. I think that's why it's happening. We stop it, maybe we can stop what it's doing to us.

[~~Maybe she's born with it... maybe it's trapped in space.~~

He hides the smugness that rolls through him at her attempt to rebuff the truth that he so helpfully pointed out to her. ~~so helpful.~~

Though, of course she'd be using her skills, trying to dig deeper into the code. It's all tech, it's all hackable.]

Sentient or just code?

Most people seem to believe sentient. Charles, that's the lead of XenoGen, he seems to come by these powers naturally. Old broadcasts seem to indicate he found some kind of membrane in the minds of passengers.

[ She reaches forward to tap the screen, and one two three links pop up on his screen. ]

Felix Laurens, he's a native to this universe. He was a pirate aboard the Scylla, a ship that docked to Tranquility during Jump 17. Captain Ward massacred his crewmates. [ She sneers. ] You'd like him.

[Don't start creating his match.com profile just yet, Skye.]

He has a nice name... but this other information is -- alarming. I'm sure no one on board ever anticipated this sort of invasion. [IT SOUNDS SO ODD COMING FROM HIS MOUTH, but w/e. He doesn't have any leverage here.]

The memories that bleed over into other people -- if we all have that presence, then it would be what's connecting us, and if we're trying to break that down... [He's mostly just thinking out loud, but he's sort of interested as to why she shared her intel with him.]

Why share your work with me, Skye?

Don't flatter yourself into thinking this is about you and me.

[ In a way, though, it is. And the fact that she felt the need to make that defense is born both out of her fear of that very fact, and the way he used her name to try and personalize it. ]

Regardless of whatever else you're scheming, stopping these abilities is something we both want. You've got more information than I do. [ Which is the most honest thing she's said to him, in that it's emotionally honest. There's something there, something eating at her. They all have more information than her—Fitzsimmons, Ward. But only Ward has shared much. She carries on without missing a beat to explain, ] You were inside HYDRA, I don't know what kind of intel you have to bring to the table, what you'll make of this that those of us with actual human souls might not have the full picture on.

That's all.

[Look who jumped to the "us" bus a bit quickly! His brow creases with a hint of concern that she feels the need to jump to that defense so readily.]

Not scheming and I wasn't implying you were sharing out of some ... leftover sentiment. I just assumed you'd sooner leave me to drift than share intel with me. [After all, as she is wont to point out (repeatedly) he was "with HYDRA" and could possibly be plotting something nefarious and evil.

The urge to deny the HYDRA remark is strong, too. He wants to lead with it, to rebrand his purpose with the appropriate leader, but he knows it's not the right time for that battle.]

Where do you think my level of intel would be useful here, Skye? That I might have some innate knowledge of what a sentient ship might be plotting?

From what I've been reviewing in the archives, it doesn't seem like it's plotting anything except its own survival. If you think about it like a virus [Either technical or biological...] we're the foreign objects. We're what it's been fighting against - however it can fight. Altering DNA, sickness, forcing emotional connections -- [a beat] trying to trip us up, leave us vulnerable not even just to the ship, but to each other.

Maybe it just wants to live and it doesn't need us getting in the way.

[ As she listens to him—and she does. Attentively even. Her expression morphs steadily as she grows fed up with what she now understands to be the real Grant Ward. The rhetorical question prompts a roll of her eyes, and she's ready to dismiss him then, but she lets him keep going because who knows when in his soliloquy he might land on something actually useful.

He doesn't. But he does manage to steadily shift her expression to one of abject loathing and disgust. A beat of silence passes as she stares at him in the wake of his remarks, and she shakes her head. ]

Is that how you looked at it? [ Another beat. She can't help herself. ] We were just something in your way. Something for you to cut when it wasn't serving you anymore? God, I feel sick right now just looking at you. No wonder Coulson pawned you off to your brother: it must have been a relief for you to be someone else's problem.

[#this isn't about you, skye]

[#for once.]

[When she opts to turn and twist his words around to suit what she's still angry at him over, what he thought maybe her sharing intel had been a sign of maybe an attempt at trying to push that aside is clearly not happening at all, he laughs. It's not uproarious, but there's an amused shake of his head to go along with that sound. It's covering up the jab at trading him over, too.]

No, that's not how I looked at it.

You asked me what I thought about the ship, Skye. About the intel you wanted my opinion on.

[He takes a breath and shakes his head once more, this time out of a slight edge of frustration.]

My brother was in it for himself. He didn't care, he never cared about me... I was an excuse. So, maybe Coulson thinks he'd be doing the right thing, but that isn't going to end up about me and this isn't about you, Skye.

This is about a ship that ripped all of these people away from their own lives, tried to make a go at it and then when that didn't work turned on them.

I didn't... turn on you because things weren't working out. [His gaze hardens, slightly, trying to press away the tension that is building about what he assumes she's seen from him about his brother and the arrangement that was made.]

Things were working out. The intel was there, I just couldn't access it. So I used you to try and get it without anyone else getting hurt. [He makes sure to leave the 'used' part in there, because he knows if he didn't say it, she would have.]

If you want to talk about that more than you want my insight on this ship -- [his shoulder shrugs up, not quite a non-committal response, but more casual and nonchalant.] -- I will tell you whatever you want to know.

Though, I think it's only fair that you tell me what you saw from my memory.

[ In the backfire of the century, Ward only manages to make her angrier. :') Quelle surprise. Such a plot twist.

It hits her on multiple levels—first, the cool admission that he'd used her, with no audible remorse for the fact. It makes her want to hit him, and it's a damn good thing this is over the network, or every warning Sam gave her would be flying out the window right now.

Second, the implication that she cares more about this vendetta than she cares about the people on this ship and their wellbeing. It's a low blow, one he knows will get under her skin, make her indignant. And it does.

Third, that he has the gall to call her out on not being explicit in what memory she received from him when he won't even admit that he got one of hers. As far as she knows, between Sam and Rey and Bones, this is a two-way street only. If she got something from him (and boy does that phrasing ever feel appropriate because his thoughts and feelings are like a disease eating away at her), he must have gotten something from her, and after all his pontificating about never lying to her again, here he is, hiding things. Keeping secrets. ]

Oh, that's rich, coming from you. What I saw? How about what you saw? You can't talk about fair when you won't even admit that you were in my head too. I know how this works, Ward. It's a two-way radio.

[Where does he even start...

The first thing that he does notice is that she once again, immediately flies off the handle on him over something he said. The choice will always be whether to talk and suffer the consequences or to be silent and... suffer the consequences, so if he's going to get yelled at or whatever Skye feels is warranted, he's at least going to feel somewhat culpable for that hatred.]

What I saw -- [there is no pause for dramatics, just him thinking about it to be double sure.] would be nothing. If I saw something, anything at all, no matter how inconsequential -- don't you think I would have brought it up by now, Skye?

I offered up the truth to you before, so what purpose would it serve to keep something of your own memory from you? [aka - you know how much of a dick he can be, skye. why would he stop now?]

I don't know. Maybe you're saving it for a rainy day, like some kind of … [ Her lips purse, struggling for the right words to spit out the concept. ] Umbrella of evil. [ It was a well-developed thought, clearly. But she doesn't make any secret of the belief that he'd find a way to use it against her as some kind of leverage. It would seem Skye doesn't quite believe Ward's assurance that he'd never hurt her: he already has. ] I don't pretend to know why you do what you do, all right? As far as I can tell, you probably get some sick thrill out of the power trip.

[His eyebrows lift as he listens to her creative play on words.

He also has to tamp down that urge to remind her of just how quickly she seemed to pretend to know how he felt about what he did to the team not just a few moments ago. Her opinions on that were pretty clear and came from her own choice to superimpose his response about the ship onto his actions. He's pretty sure she feels like she has a good idea of what he does.

He's also pretty sure that she has most of it wrong.]

So, the power trip would come from not telling you that I've seen something from your life -- not actually exposing that I've seen something from your life? Really, Skye? [Oh, the condescension is strong with that one.]

You know as well as I do -- intel would be the only leverage I could have on this ship and if this ship is pressing memories from one person to the other - willing or unwilling, that's going to be something to either use or ignore.

Now, me personally, I'd opt to tell you. There's no point in holding onto it. [There isn't even an unless there. She might be waiting for that comma-but, but it won't come.]

If I end up with anything from your life, I will tell you.

[ The thing is, she doesn't believe him. In fact, she's not sure it would be physically possible to trust anything he says at this point. There's some kind of mental block of betrayal in it. Conflict comes alongside that fact, though, born in Fitzsimmons' silence on anything beyond Ward being HYDRA. A lot has happened—too much, maybe, for them to talk about—and it's changed them in ways she can't yet articulate, but it makes her feel alienated. Out of the loop.

It feels like a knife in her ribs, that Ward has been more honest with her than them, knowing now what he is. It makes her feel sick, and it makes her hate him that much more. Even given her disbelief, she doesn't have any way of knowing, any action she can take to make him talk or refute him.

She struggles with that conflict in silence for a moment, weighing her hate against her need for answers, against the fact that so far, Ward had been the only one to provide her with them. She relents to him. ]

It was dark; you were in a cell. Coulson came down, and you talked about your brother, why you were being transferred. [ She shrugs simply, trying to give the impression of being deliberately unaffected. Avoiding the way they'd spoken of her, and the associated feelings that had transferred as well. ] It must have been the Vault at the Playground. [ It stings, to admit that it confirms what he'd told her. ]

[It's such a delicate balance, even if it's not one he believes really needs to be there. He's the one that's at the disadvantage, he's the one that has risked so much in being honest with her before anyone else could inform her of anything different. He watched her trust of him crumble away into nothing at all and yet, he's still here offering her the same truth that he's vowed to give her. The past is still the future for FitzSimmons and he's not sure what they told her, but he's certain that it's either not enough or it's so much that she's compartmentalized it as best she can.

He's the one left out of the loop, cut off from contact - from a team that he knows works well with him in it.

When she finally speaks, he can sense the measured beats she offers him. Small details. Nothing too specific. Her general guess is as good as the actual truth of it.]

I'd been in holding. Providing intel on HYDRA operational procedures. I didn't always get the intel, but I knew how it was being passed along. My brother offered something better. Something Coulson wanted more than my intel.

[He doesn't like that it's video, that she can shut it off whenever she wants, but the only reprieve he has is that she hasn't done so yet.]

You visit me first. I didn't know about the deal, but you wanted whatever I had - what I had been offering and you hadn't asked for yet. I tell you everything I know, offer to help you get the rest. [He smiles, it's edging closer to pride, even if it's not really something he taught her -- or at least intended to teach her, but she learned well.] You take that and you leave. [He shakes his head, that pride still creeping around the edges of his smile.]

Not before you tell me that I'm going to my brother. I try to make Coulson see clearer, let him know that whatever deal Christian has offered him isn't worth it.

Coulson doesn't agree. I'm sure you wouldn't agree either.

[ Something about the way he says it sets her on edge, like the fact that she'd used him was somehow a source of pride—or a source of something else that she didn't want to dig too deeply into analyzing. Skye scrutinizes him warily, leaning back slightly. Her gaze tugs away from his as she takes note of the private lock on the video, a small symbol in the corner.

It's not hard to guess what he's doing. Getting her alone. Praising her. Appealing to her sympathies about his brother, and giving her the illusion of honesty. It all feels like quicksand, and knowing it doesn't stop her from sinking. ]

Whatever you had about what? What were you offering?

[ His ambiguity is bait, and she takes it, tries to ignore the rest. ]

[It was a long shot and he knows that it had the chance of making her more upset, too. The thought that he was just dangling more information at her, more things that he's already gone through - lived through and knows about her, about how she'll react.

Still, when she asks he's still surprised. He nods, his expression softening a bit. He knows that this is a sensitive subject and he knows that he doesn't have enough.]

Information about your father.

My — [ She chokes on the words, and they pierce right through the veil of wariness and mistrust. Moist wonder softens her gaze, vulnerable and terrified to even hope that he might be telling the truth. It's all she's ever wanted. She's done terrible things, scraping for evidence or information on her parents. Just some proof that they existed at all. Dead ends. Even Coulson hadn't been able to turn up much, but that she came from China, and got a whole slew of SHIELD agents killed.

Reaching up, she covers her mouth with her hands, like she's smothering all her gut reactions and trying to pick which question is the most important. Slowly, she repeats, disbelieving, ] My father? [ Hope lilts her voice up at the end. She chokes it, reins it all in, locks herself down. It takes some hard blinking, heavy breaths that make her feel more like a weight is sinking on her chest. She tries to harden, but never quite gets to where she'd like to be. Where Ward knew her to be. ]

How could you— How could you know anything about my father? Those files were redacted. Even Coulson couldn't do anything with them. [ Except find out that everyone in that village died—but she didn't want to share that with Ward. She's exactly where he wants her, eating out of his hand, grabbing for what she can get. ]

[As her expression shifts, he leans forward more. He doesn't like that this is over the comms, doesn't find any solace in the thought that he's telling her these things in this cold and disconnected method. Even when he was in captivity she was standing in front of him. This is leaving her alone with the information and he almost wants to suggest that they meet.

It's too soon, though. Even this sliver of hope is going to set her onto a path. He can tell that Fitz hasn't told her the truth. That however far into the future he is that he has to know something more than him being a threat to Skye.

He doesn't press, doesn't push for her to take a moment to make sure she wants to know these things, because he knows how far she's gone to try and find them.]

Not Coulson -- [He starts out slow, trying to make sure that she understands the limits of his knowledge.] -- he hasn't worked with him.

Raina. [His head tips, watching her eyes, trying to see what he can through this comms device.]

[ The spell breaks, and for a moment, the hope she'd had hurts worse than believing she'd hit a dead end had. She recoils. ]

Raina.

[ That manipulative, evil— ]

Raina is a liar. And a monster. [ Even if what Ward was implying was true—that Raina had worked with her father—she wouldn't want it. Can't quite believe it, instead protecting herself with the belief that he died in the Hunan province with the rest of their village. Somehow, it hadn't quite occurred to her that Raina and the Clairvoyant working together and Ward and the Clairvoyant—no, Garrett—working together would mean they all were in it. ] You're trying to tell me my father worked for Garrett too?

[ That hate and disbelief all too clearly covers insecure fear. She wants to make the safe assumption, that Ward is trying to use her family as a weapon against her, to persuade her to see his side. Empathize, even. She won't. But what if it's not a ploy? What if it's real, and her father is out there, and he's just as much a monster as Ward and Garrett are? ]

[He waits for her to pause, for the anger and disbelief to settle into something he can actually respond to. He's not going to over explain, because there's no point in defending any actions here. They won't matter. They've already happened or they will happen. Everything falls into two categories for him and neither seem to align with him getting a thank you at the end of this talk.]

No, I'm telling you that Raina had a singular goal in mind and when the Clairvoyant was revealed to be just a man, that they weren't looking for the same things - I convinced her not to tell Garrett about what she'd found.

[He frowns.]

She'd found records -- your records. Your DNA samples matched to someone she'd heard about a while ago. She told me a story - one that sounded too familiar - about a village that had been the site of a massacre. The same story that you'd heard, the one where your father had killed an entire village, but they weren't civilians - they were HYDRA agents. They had found you, found your mother and they were trying to take you. They killed your mother and when your father found out - that's when he killed them all. His anger - the deaths that are on his hands - he did that for you. He did that because he loved you.

He's been looking for you ever since. Trying to bring his family back together. I don't know where he is, but I know people who can get to Raina -- and she can get to him.

[She could have been settled with that, but instead he continues. He knows this could be his one chance to let her realize just how far he's willing to go to ensure that she trusts him. It's more than he told her before, because he's still trying to reach for that moment with her.]

She also told me something about the future and how you're part of that, because of what your parents were. That the evolution she's been looking for, that it's coming and you're going to be important.

[He carefully leaves out the part about how Raina said that in the future Skye could be his.]

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