ataraxion | 011✖; (voice)

"People tend to believe in something, whether it's gods, a god, some sort of afterlife or nothing at all. Nothing can be something, can't it?

"In any case, the belief in the soul and that it goes somewhere after the body dies has surprisingly been a subject of interest these last few years. Is the soul a thing that is natural, and can it be created out of something that is unnatural?

"What happens to the vessel once it's no longer occupied by whatever makes you you?"

['You are a vessel. You are born to die.' Those were among the first words she's ever heard, and yet the connotation behind them are unsettling for her now.]

"Is there any place like a Heaven or a Hell for a thing that's not born but made by a person, or is it more likely that we just disappear entirely once the vessel dies?"

[Death had never been a scary prospect for her before. Not when she had something that she wanted to live and die for. She almost misses being empty, when she didn't have to worry about the things she would leave in the likely events of her eventual demise. Everything has an expiration date, after all.

[DEEP THOUGHTS coming from the lounge with booze.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Eh, casual's for squares, anyway. Rey doesn't know much about souls, other than what she's learned secondhand.]

Fair point.

Suppose it's sometimes -- not knowing whether the soul is there, or it's a matter of feigning it. There's more than enough data to help pretend, but does that make it real?

[She's done it before, though less so now that she has more than enough fabricated memories and personalities to fill the empty gaps she used to be.]

I suppose it exists, or it doesn't. Where I come from, at least. When it's taken away, or severely damaged, the person in question can't really... function properly, anymore.

[ Which she knows from experience. ]

What happens to them, exactly? When their soul's damaged, that is.

[It may not be quite the same, but for her -- having her memories, or some semblance to whatever soul she might've had, recovered after going through so much over several decades -- it certainly felt like something got severely broken beyond repair.]

They're entrusted to mental health facilities. [ She almost shudders. Not about the care — Imperium has the best medical care in the world. But... ] Most of them hallucinate so badly that they're barely aware of where they are, what they're doing, or who they're talking to. And then they can get overwhelmed and retreat into themselves.

[Oh.

[She falls quiet for a moment.]

Had similar issues, once. Just learned to better live with it.

[Actually, she still has issues more often than she'd ever like to admit. Especially over the network.]

I'm sorry to hear it.

[ If things go badly for Fortescue, but not so badly that intelligence agents find her and shoot her, she's doomed to live out the end of her days like that. ]

I know a little of what it's like. When I over-taxed my magic or had it... drained from me, I experienced something quite similar.

[ Possibly more intense, even, since during her magic deprivation she'd been a few hours from death, and her brain had had a field day. ]

[Rey takes the apology to heart... but she doesn't entirely understand it.]

Did you go mad? [How blunt.]

[ Well... ]

Maybe. [ Depends on one's classification, she supposes. ] I hallucinated I was on a beach from my childhood, and the people as giant storks.

[ Fortescue isn't entirely sure why she just parted with that information. But it's out now. ]

It took a a few days for me to perceive normally again.

Giant storks.

[No, Rey's not entirely sure what to make of that little tidbit. But she's not judging. She has hallucinated some weird ass shit, too.]

Took a few years before the dust finally started to settle. Spent a lot of time in seclusion.

[Which may explain her recent fear of isolation. Of going through that shit again.]

Can understand how it is, not being able to perceive things as they are.

[ Giant storks who had gotten their necks snapped. But she's keeping that piece of information out of it. ]

Weird, I know. I think that's the strangest thing I've hallucinated. Hallucinations aren't uncommon for those with magic, where I'm from. It's practically a rite of passage, when you start to adjust to it.

[ It also usually happens alongside puberty, which is rough. Fortescue had gotten her magic much earlier than most, however. ]

Are these hallucinations something that people with this can be frequently visited with?

[She's just curious by the phrasing, "adjust to it".]

During puberty you usually get a few, while you adjust to having magic in your system. [ And then your body gets so attached to magic that trying to drain it out will kill you. As well as cause hallucinations as vivid as those storks, and the beach. But Fortescue's going to gloss over that. It's technically illegal, even if it happens a fair amount. ] And then sometimes if someone with magic gets very sick.

The way you talk about the magic where you're from, you make it sound like it's some sort of affliction.

It's not. [ A tiny pause. ] For most people.

[ Most people aren't unlucky enough to get the taboo magic. ]

But it's not a basket of puppies, either.

Doesn't sound like it.

Can sympathize, though.

[ Fortescue considers, for a moment. ]

Is there a reason you're getting all existential on us?

[ Might as well ask if something's up, she figures. Rey can always tell her to buzz off. ]

[BUZZ OFF.

[No, but she does pause before answering.] Perhaps.

[Another pause.]

Have died many times. Also been brought back many times, usually as a different person. That-- [Hmm.] That was it, that was normalcy. That was life. Dying was just another part of it.

Been wondering what it must be like if -- when the cycle has an ending. Because everything ends eventually, and there are all these different ideas about what comes next.

[If it would even apply to something like Rey, if there would be anything left of her when this cycle is finally finished.]

[ There's a touch of wryness to her tone as she answers. ]

Scholars and philosophers have been debating that one for ages.

[ As long as they've been around. ]

Hard to say, really. For all we know, it might be different in every universe.

[ And if they die here, if they're unlucky, perhaps they get sucked into whatever this universe has in place. ]

Would honestly hate to see what sort of afterlife they have in store with this universe.

[Because she's seen things, mang.]

[ Fortescue laughs quietly. ]

In universes with ships of dubious intelligence? Whatever would make you think that?

[She doesn't laugh, but she does sound kind of amused.]

Oh, who knows. Crazy thoughts.

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