ataraxion | one. ⇄ voice

Entry tags:

one. ⇄ voice

[ so that was...some shit, huh?

in light of just how grim everything had gotten, it seems the perfect time to roll out a little something to lighten the mood, and river has been rehearsing for at least half an hour prior to actually addressing the network.

(it needs to be perfect, okay? delivery is everything in comedy) ]

I have a joke. ..More than one, but one for now. We're all very tired.

[ she clears her throat a little - bless she's actually kinda nervous - before continuing, a little rustling following as she even sits up straighter. ]

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? [ pause for effect ] Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in netherworld of cosmic nothingness!

[ ok you can all laugh now ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Well, Odessa is laughing. ]

Beautiful, darling.

[ there is no telling how proud river is right now, and it's probably a godsend that she chose to go with an audio transmission given that actually getting a laugh is making her positively beam. ]

She thought as much? [ she is pleased as punch, gosh. ] There are more, if it's in your interest..

This is what you're doin' with your time, huh?

[ Not laughing, not laughing, not laughing... ]

[ u better laugh nerd she knows you love this crap, buddy ]

Thought it might be nice, that's how people lighten the mood- right? Comedy isn't one of the strong skills she holds dear.

[ Oh, he's laughing on the inside, don't worry. And a little bit on the outside, too. He doesn't quite manage to suppress the lingering chuckle. ]

It's one of the ways to do that, yeah. You did good.

[ And then a pause — that tentative breath — as he pushes right on with dad mode. ]

Know when people get worked up it makes things a bit more difficult. Feelin' okay otherwise?

River.

[His tone doesn't give much away.]

River. [ she echoes the word back in a similar tone, albeit a little more curious than what was given to her. ] In reference to names or bodies of water? it can be both, you know.

[ He likes this one. ]

Heh. That's really good. [ Leoben leans slightly into the camera, grinning. ] You said you had more?

[ this is going well enough that she's happy to respond in like with her own video, and the girl on the end is literally beaming at the results. it's not like her to make jokes often, her comedic timing doesn't always pan out so well, so this whole thing is really very pleasing. ]

A few, yes. None her own, but jokes rarely are. People pass them down, hand to hand and sometimes the meaning gets lost, but- [ okay, sorry, enough of that. she stops abruptly mid sentence and closes her mouth, shakes her head and even straightens up before her delivery. ]

Why was six afraid of seven?

[ hold onto your socks leoben, this one's going to be great. great enough that she's stifling a small giggle even as she gives the punchline: ]

Numbers aren't sentient and therefore incapable of fear!

[ It was all going so very well. He was fascinated by her, her delight and her own sweet sort of anxiety. And then she makes her joke. Six? Seven? He hesitates. And she giggles...

Oh dear. ]

Seven is dead.

[ All humor is gone. Not sentient. Leoben narrows his eyes and shifts slightly forward. There's something... Unusual. Serendipity doesn't explain it, does it? ]

Why did you choose that joke? Do you know who I am?

Glad to see you're feeling well.

Only thing to do right now, I think.

[He seems pretty amused by her joke. Or maybe he's just happy to see her relax a bit.]

[Cole is still getting the hang of this thing so give him a moment for the brief bursts of static as he is learning how to hold this and accidentally turns it off and on a couple times before finally...]

what is a light bulb?

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Theory:

It takes one mathematician to screw in a light bulb.

Proof:

Let the “bulb screwing number” N_{p} of a profession p, be the minimum number of people of profession p that must be assembled to screw in a light bulb. For any pair of professions p_{a} and p_{b} with p_{a} \ne p_{b} and N_{p_{b}} finite, there exists a “hiring” operation such that any one person of profession p_{a} can hire a collection of size N_{p_{b}} of appropriate people of profession p_{b} such that the collection of such people can screw in a light bulb. By the transitive property of light bulb screwing with respect to hiring, a single member of profession p_{a} can screw in a light bulb by hiring N_{p_{b}} people of profession p_{b} and therefore, so long as there exists a profession p_{b} \ne p_{a} with finite bulb screwing number, the existence of this hiring operation implies that the bulb screwing number N_{p_{a}} of p_{a} is at most 1. But, since we know there exists at least one light bulb that has been screwed in by at least one person of some non-mathematician profession, and there has only ever been a finite number of people, there must exist some other profession with finite bulb screwing number, so the bulb screwing number for mathematicians is 1. QED

Edited 2015-02-01 16:02 (UTC)

[Wait. That was a weird joke. An dfilled with big words that Kaylee sure as heck didn't know. Fix it.]

I don't get it...

Edited (edited. because. dumbass shea.) 2015-02-01 21:57 (UTC)

[a pause.]

Um.

What?

[If this is Lame Joke O'Clock, then hold your horses, River, because Fortescue can't quite resist joining in (after a warm chuckle). Her father was full of these.]

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

[A little laugh. No, she doesn't get the joke. At all. But River's deliver was charming enough to cheer her anyway. So goal accomplished in a round-about way.]

I am afraid you have lost me, little one.

[Not to be mean, but.]

That's a joke.

[She stifles a noise. Not a laugh, but more of an amused sound.]

Neutron walks into a bar. The barman tells him, "To you, no charge."

Uranium-two-three-eight walks into a bar, then turns around and says, "On second thoughts, I have to split!"

Proton walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry mate, no electrons!" Proton replies, "Nah, I'm not an electron, I'm a proton." The barman asks, "Are you sure?" And Proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Quark doesn't walk into a bar. He orders a drink from the bar.

Positron walks into a bar. The barman tells him that they've run out of regular alcohol, to which positron replies, "That's no matter."

Did knock-knock jokes go out of style?

I don't know any. [ nothing funny, anyway, even by her clearly highstandards. ] A joke based on arrival at a door. Where's the humor?

In who's knocking on the door, I guess.

[ after a long pause: ]

So who's there?

I think it um. It depends on the joke. It's not always the same person.

... A... A eggstillendentist...?

[OH NO HE'S HORRIBLE AT JOKES!!]

S-say it again! Maybe I just need to hear again!

Edited 2015-02-08 10:14 (UTC)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

one. ⇄ voice

voice ;

voice ;

voice;

voice;

voice;

[voice]

[voice]

video;

video;

video;

video

Video

audio

no subject

voice;

voice.

voice;

video

voice.

[voice]

voice.

rude.

:3

no subject

no subject

voice.