.004 [video]

[savethebullshit]

[attempted but obviously failed lock away from Murphy, because how does Anne technology?]

[The last time Anne appeared on the network, she was more or less a blubbering mess. Now, she has her composure back, and she's as unflappable as ever as she gives the camera a slightly intimidating stare. It isn't even intentional. It's just the way she looks.]

I hate to use the network to resort to begging, but I need some cooking tips, if you have them. Whatever you can tell me is fine. There's someone I want to cook for, but as of right now... it'd probably do more harm than good.

[After her last fiasco, it's clear she needs all the help she can get.]

I just need to get to a point where I won't kill anyone with whatever I end up with. I'm not looking to become the next iron chef.

Comments

permatext

[godofthemachine]

So this person you want to cook for - an enemy or a friend?

[Because that very much affects the nature of the tips.]

[video]

[savethebullshit]

[she's a little suspicious about the message being in text, but Anne is suspicious about everything.]

Friend... boyfriend. Definitely not an enemy. I don't want to poison him if that's what you're getting at.

[godofthemachine]

[Nothing personal; AM almost always replies to posts in text.]

Boyfriend?

If he truly loves you, then I'm sure he'll stuff down his gullet any sort of monstrosity you concoct.

[savethebullshit]

If he ate the shit I'm capable of making now, he'd probably die.

[godofthemachine]

My dear, basic meals are not that hard. Can you not pour cereal into a bowl and add milk?

[savethebullshit]

That's not really a meal. Unless you're six.

[godofthemachine]

A meal is a meal. Plenty of adults eat cereal. Garnish it with some strawberries and I'm sure your sweetheart will tolerate it.

video;

[dwellsonthe]

[Cooking is one thing this cat knows all about! So, hey lady sup have a tigerdad.]

Depends on what y'want to cook, but I can help.

video;

[savethebullshit]

Something simple. It doesn't really matter what. I just want to make sure I don't cause any food-related homicides.

video;

[dwellsonthe]

Okay, well, what do they like, first off?

video;

[savethebullshit]

He's not exactly a picky eater, I guess.

[Maybe it's all that prison food, but she's never seen Murphy react unfavorably to any kind of food, really]

I'm pretty sure he's a fan of eggs.

[And she takes a moment to feel like a bad girlfriend for knowing little about his food preferences]

Is there any way you could show me how to make an omelet or something like that?

video;

[dwellsonthe]

[Bardo just nods along, waiting patiently for her to come up with something she thinks she could make and something she thinks he might enjoy. It doesn't take too long, truth be told.]

'course I could. Do you want me to meet you somewhere now?

video;

[savethebullshit]

That sounds good, if you're feeling patient enough to put up with me floundering around in the kitchen like I was raised in the woods.

[voice]

[inwents]

Vhat is an iron chef, if I may ask?

[video]

[savethebullshit]

It's a tv show back in the world I come from.

... it's shit, actually.

[But Anne is secretly addicted to the Food Network so...]

[permavoice]

[inwents]

Ah, a telewision show! I remember reading about those in Earth history.

And it inwolves cooking? I suppose that would be useful if you can't just replicate food here.

[savethebullshit]

It was like a cooking competition. I didn't really ever get the point of it. But the winner was the Iron Chef and...

[why is she trying to explain all this?]

I never learned much from it.

[inwents]

If it was meant for entertainment and not education, that seems reasonable. They would likely cover different sides of the process based on what the appeal of the show was meant to be.

So... You cannot replicate food here?

[savethebullshit]

What exactly do you mean by "replicate"?

[NOT HERE]

[yardbird]

[Anne Marie Cunningham water u doin.

[P.S. Obviously your fail-lock failed.]

[savethebullshit]

[oh fuck noooooooo

Murphy you didn't see anything]

[jilt]

Why not find someone else to cook for you? Heaven knows there are better way to do things than handle them yourself.

[savethebullshit]

It loses some of the sentiment that way. Besides, I'd rather be able to handle things myself. I can't rely on everyone else to cook my whole life.

[jilt]

Sentiment.

[ irene doesn't sound all that impressed by that. ]

I'd say hire a cook, or marry yourself someone who has the means to provide one, but neither are really options at the present so I suppose you're right in wishing to do it yourself.

[savethebullshit]

Expecting everyone else to take care of your shit for you isn't the best life decision to make on a spaceship.

[said very matter-of-factly]

Or anywhere, really.