ataraxion | first dream ☩ [ video ]

[ The video feed starts, and a young red-haired woman appears. She's outwardly calm and collected, but to some who might know her personally—or are just a little more observant—there is an edge of worry etched in her green eyes. ]

...So, from what I've gathered, this is obviously a spaceship, and we're all passengers on it. My name is Jesse Reeves, but I don't suppose that actually means anything to any of you listening.

But what I want to know is, why me? Why was I chosen for this? I'm... [ she laughs a bit, self-effacingly ] ...the farthest thing there is from a space traveler or astronaut. I'm really more of an indoor girl, you know, cooping myself up in a library and reading everything I can get my hands on, voraciously. I'm not a pioneer, I'm not a mechanic, I'm not even really very much of a survivalist, and I don't think I can really benefit from this kind of...extra-terrestrial experience.

So, if I could, I'd like to go home now. [ a soft clearing of her throat. ] Please.

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[ the device begins recording before he means it to; his hands are clumsy, fingers unsure of all the buttons and their purposes. but he's curious, green eyes wide and face too close to the camera before he pulls back, tucks a lock of hair behind his ear, and restores the composure he meant to have all along. ]

Jesse Reeves? [ red hair, lovely eyes — much like maharet. there's no mistaking it, really, though she's nearly a decade younger than he remembers her being. he tucks his surprise away for a more private moment, but there's hope rising in his chest. if she knows him... but why would she? she's so young.

still, he remembers his manners. ] My name is Louis de Pointe du Lac. I'm an acquaintance of your aunt, Maharet.

[ There's a surprised intake of breath, and then she sounds joyful— ]

—Louis! What are you doing he—

[ Now there's uncertainty. She knows him from before, from the place they'd last ended up together, with Lestat and others...so it's a little confusing to hear his choice of words now. ]

—wait, that's...that's exactly what you said the last time we met up. I don't understand—why are you re-introducing yourself to me?

[ it should be relief that settles in the pit of his stomach instead of the drop he experiences at the recognition. she knows him — the tone of her voice and the casual exclamation shows it, but the uncertainty that follows tells him she has the advantage.

or, simply, the disadvantage in their so-called reunion. ]

I'm afraid I don't understand, [ he starts before silencing himself for a moment, confusing coloring his tone and creasing his brow. if she were prone to jokes in his memory of her, he'd think to ask her if this is one, but there's no denying the honesty in her expression. he's either forgotten something, or things have taken a very strange turn. ]

You — [ even more hesitation, a hiccup in his otherwise steadfast composure. ] You're nearly a decade younger than I remember.

[ there's no other way to put it, really. he's confused and suddenly he feels as though he's walking on eggshells. had he met her before lestat adopted the role of rockstar? ]

Unfortunately, there's no going home until whatever brought us here ships you back. [ He wishes he could say differently for those who want to go home. He doesn't really have anything to go back to, though, so this is all he's got. ] But most of the people here aren't space travelers, so you're in good company there.

[ Jesse manages a small smile in response. She's grateful for the advice, even if it isn't what she wants to hear right now. ]

...I was afraid of that.

But, if most people here aren't space travelers, what's the point in taking all of us to this ship, then? I mean, it's not like we're going to make the best use of it.

Honestly? I have no idea. [ And he hates that, but he's not suicidal; he's not going to go running around the ship and risk his life (his second life, actually) trying to find answers, not when he's seen what that does to people. ] This place isn't big on answers. In fact, trying to find answers tends to lead to worse situations than anyone starts out in. I wish I could tell you differently but i can't.

At least you're honest in that you don't know.

But what exactly do you mean about...worse situations?

Death sometimes, nearly fatal injuries, run ins with monsters and murals. I think some people have even come back a little scrambled mentally, like they were a corrupt hard drive on a computer or something. [ He shrugs slightly. ] I've been out there - unintentionally - and came back unscathed, but I think I was an exception to the norm.

time to stop whining and start learning.

wow, thanks for that most helpful advice; I'll get right on that.

find someone to teach you

Are there people like that aboard the ship?

throw a rock, you'll hit one

I don't think it really matters if you're cut out for this sort of thing. But you can't go home.

[ She sighs dejectedly. ]

I thought it was worth a try, you know, to at least ask. But I think you're probably right.

It's not so bad once you get used to it. Just don't go wandering off by yourself.

I had those same thoughts, asked the same questions. Over half a year later and I still don't have an answer to share with you.

But you'll find your niche. You'll adapt.

[ ...oh, God. ]

You've been here how long?

Seven months.

[It's said quietly, even softer as he continues.]

And some have been here two, three times as long.

you know
being on a spaceship is just about as indoor as you can get without dying in a vacuum

[ She's smirking as she's typing. ]

Ha-ha. Well, if you guys have a library here, I guess I can just cozy up with some books and pretend I'm right at home?

theres some lame elibrary thats got everything you never wanted to know about this universe and nothing on how to gtfo
people trade paperbacks around here like theyre made out of repurposed unicorn hides cause the only books we get are the ones that come out of lockers or off of trauma stations
but luckily for you ive come across a gold mine of literary merit
a bona fide page turner with actual pages filled to bursting with the adventures of magical men in progressive relationships
you know you wanna take it off my hands

You and me both. I mean, when it comes to the astronaut, lack of survival instincts, thing. You get better at it, though. Or just... better at putting up with it. [ The most comforting. ]

[He barks a laugh.] Think that matters any to them, do you?

[You totally wanted words of wisdom from the crazy drunk. OF COURSE YOU DID.]

I don't know, really. It's strange to think there's a specific reason all of us are here.

I doubt most of us are so you're not the only one— it's just that getting back isn't as simple as that.

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