anon video;

[rhymeswithdeath]

[The feed flicks on, revealing a young, blond woman, chilling in some hallway in a...bat-costume? She's grinning pretty widely for someone who's supposed to be dark as the (k)night.]

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's—[dramatic pause]—sure as hell a giant, creepy spaceship because Superman you ain't. [She sighs, grin disappearing in favor of a more deadpan expression.]

So, hey, I'm new, but let's skip the mental breakdowns, freak outs, where is "x", have you seen my "y," I am scared, blah blah, wah wah, yadda yadda, etcetera, ad naseum [dismissive wave] and go straight to introductions and pleasantries.

Hey, space people. I'm Batgirl. The real deal, even — see, I come fully equipped with Batarangs, witty retorts, and everything. Yeah, yeah, I've snooped through the network. Done a little detecting, as they say. I've heard rumors of comics and fourthwalls; don't worry. If I'm fictional where you're from, then I will be available for autographs upon request. The one thing I ask of you is pretty please: no spoilers. I happen to like surprises.

Anyway, I also like coffee and waffles, especially in delicious conjunction, rooftop tag, crime fighting, and, of course, justice.

I'm sure you've seen my spooky boss-man's pseudo-vandalism, but I figured I should put the word out in my own way: call me, beep me, if you want to text me; that's a-okay. I'll be there whenever you need me, as cheesy as that sounds. It's part of the super-gig. You can ask questions and/or heckle now, I guess. Do whatever floats your boat. I'll be here aaaaaaall week.

Comments

[jurisimpudent]

[But one has to work a bit harder than that to pin him down:]

It is curious, isn't it? Since as a member of law enforcement, I am of course lazy, complacent, and incurious.

[rhymeswithdeath]

you got it.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Why?

[rhymeswithdeath]

That's not what I said. [ a sigh ]

And I still don't understand what you want.

[jurisimpudent]

Must I "want" something merely because I'm conversing with you? Indeed, perhaps I simply want a conversation.

[rhymeswithdeath]

But you're asking a lot of questions that are worded — not poorly, per se, but in a way that lends to a negative answer.

You're also dropping a lot of negative buzzwords. Don't get me wrong. I'll believe you if you say you want a normal conversation, without all the "if's" and other qualifiers, but you should know that you're coming across as [ air quotes ] "someone trying to pick a fight."

[jurisimpudent]

[Fine. Finally, directly, without any circumlocution:]

I believe in the system, because it's a system that works - if people put effort into it. So I do not much care to see decently gifted people giving up, taking the easy route, and then calling themselves heroic for it. Hence the negative "buzzwords," so "dropped" because of my personal outlook.

I am not, however, trying to pick a fight. With respect, madam, you would know if I were trying to pick a fight.

[webline]

do you have any powers??

[rhymeswithdeath]

nah. do you?

[rhymeswithdeath]

You're right. The security team is a lot like law-enforcement back home.

Which is why the boss and I aren't joining up.

[webline]

nope.

[ thats a lie ]

do you have like, a super soldier serum thing?

[rhymeswithdeath]

I don't think so?

[webline]

do you have any sort of superhero specialties?

[rhymeswithdeath]

no?

[webline]

oh.

that's cool.

[king]

Because women and children are weaker, obviously. It's the men's duty to do a hero's deeds, so that they may never have to.

[rhymeswithdeath]

thanks! any reason why you're interested in powers in particular?

[rhymeswithdeath]

Yeaaaah. Gonna have to disagree with you there.

Pretty sure guys and girls are equally capable of butt-kicking.

[webline]

just weird to know that there are superheroes who don't have like, powers or extreme government training or something.

[buttmad]

Of course you're not.

[Welcome to cheerful deadpans r us. Are cheerful deadpans even a thing? THEY ARE WHEN HAMMER DOES THEM. He could patent them. Make more money, but that's not the point.]

And you think that's gonna work out for you on a really teensy- well, not teensy. It's... Probably about the size of Rhode Island, but the point is, what? You get the bad guys on this half of the ship, the other guys get the bad guys on that side. What are you going for here? I got nothing.

video;

[lawyer]

... And how old are you?

[a burning question that he needs answers to]