ataraxion | → 006

[In spite of his reluctance to say anything after a particularly stabby incident, Murphy has other concerns that more or less supersedes his own well-being at the moment:]

"Wasn't gonna say anything 'bout this -- especially not on here, but... I feel like it needs to be brought up again in case if it wasn't already obvious.

"I think it goes without sayin' that this isn't some kinda five-night Space Academy. You just... You ever know what you might run into, whether you're doin' your job or just grabbing something from the kitchen, or somethin' else goes down... Not tryin' to scare anybody with this, I'm just gonna put that out there.

"Nng... I'm not... one for fancy speeches, but I just wanted to say, uh... it's a big ship we live on. Shit can happen. A lot of us have been on board for awhile, and... yeah, I'm no head doctor, but I do know that the conditions we're stuck in can do a lot to a person's mental health."

[None of this is news to Murphy, and it feels like he's wasting his breath on it now. He sighs. Though he's kept the audio on for a reason, he makes a pained grunt, trying to compose himself before he continues:]

"Guess what I'm tryin' to say is... exercise some caution while you're here. Otherwise, you're probably gonna learn it the hard way." [Much like yours truly here.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So you really are hurt. [Hopefully Murphy's not thinking he's just going to accept that.]

Did someone attack you?

...It was an accident.

[Trying to stress that last part there, even if the girl did deliberately come at him with a knife.]

Those things you said are strange to say about an accident.

[And he's not accusing him as much as he is honestly trying to figure out what happened, even if it's not his business to begin with. He knows it isn't, so he doesn't keep pushing, either.]

But you're alright now?

Like I already said -- the conditions we live in can do a lot to a person's mental health.

[To him, it's as much of an accident as anything else, if the other party is not aware of what they're doing.]

Had better weeks, but... yeah, I am.

Did you go to the Medbay? It wasn't serious, was it?

[He's stop fretting when he's unconscious and not a moment sooner.]

Was serious enough that I had to spend a night at the medbay. Through the miracle of modern-- [future] --medicine, I'm on my feet again, at least.

[Asato, you adorable fretting ket.]

Was there a weapon? Someone who has accidents with their weapons shouldn't use them.

[He's relieved Murphy's not more hurt, and though he doesn't outright say that he does relax a bit, the tension beginning to ease out of his shoulders.]

Unless if you wanna put a ban on everyone usin' kitchen utensils, I got no idea what can be done about it.

[He's not terribly upset about it. It sucks having to spend a night at the medbay, but even now he thinks that things could have gone a lot worse.]

Someone accidentally attacked you with a kitchen utensil?

[It's a mix of panic and confusion because really, what?]

Yeah. Y'know, kitchens tend to have knives and other sharp pointy appliances.

[Murphy he's not buying any of this.]

Are you sure everything's alright?

Yeah, they're alright! Believe it or not, some things are currently so close to bein' pretty okay for once in my life and... all things considered, that's also kinda fucked up. I don't know what to do with myself right now, and then shit like this happens... and it makes me think... if it hadn't been me then it could've been Heather or Alex or you or anybody -- and things could've also gone so much worse... And then I just think, all it takes is for one little thing to just slip up at the wrong place at the wrong time, and I know it won't make any fuckin' difference what I do 'cause you never know. Whether you walk into a room and get jumped, or someone comes by one day and takes your whole life, or maybe there'll be a time you can't make a jump... I realize that I'm just wastin' my breath here, but I just... fuck...

[Deep breaths, man.]

So yeah, everything's just... fuckin' great these days...

[He's been trying to keep it together. Make a joke! Say something dumb! But now his voice just breaks and he's seriously wishing that he didn't just snap like that at such a simple question.

[Teeth clenched, he manages:] Christ... I'm sorry, man.

[Whoah.

He keeps quiet, twitches his ears, and tries to process all of that. That's a lot of...awfully morbid things to hear from a person who claims to be doing fine, and while he's glad--in part, the instinctive part that just wants to live and not bleed--, that it wasn't him or Heather or anyone else, he'd much rather not have this happening to Murphy either.

But it's not a new concept. He could give someone the wrong look, say the wrong thing, take an uncertain step on the face of a cliff, run into a hungry monster while out hunting... Injury and death are ever-present things, but that doesn't mean he has to like them.

His ears fall a little, and his voice is softer when he speaks up again.]

It's not alright, is it?

[Breathe.]

No, it's really not... [He forces a defeated scoff, rubbing his face with his hand and currently very grateful to the fact that Asato can't see the look of regret that's on his face for even saying all of those things.]

[At least Asato isn't the kind of person to just go blabbing these things to other people. Murphy's outburst will be kept between them, if he can do anything about it.]

Can I do anything to help? [His question is hesitant. He's not sure how much comfort he can really offer save for a nudge of the forehead to the shoulder or just some company, but maybe that's not what Murphy needs right now.]

[Shit, Murphy himself doesn't even know what he needs right now. Maybe a chill pill.]

I... Christ, I dunno. Don't think this is the kinda thing that can be helped... [Such is the hopeless case of Murphy Pendleton. Woe, woe, woe.]

You just need time?

[But time drives people up the wall here, it seems, so maybe that isn't it either. Well, this certainly is a difficult situation.]

I don't know a lot about these kinds of things. But I know that it's dangerous here and a lot of things could go wrong. It's just like back home. But if you always think about how you could die, then you won't be able to feel like you're alive while you still are.

Dunno what I need...

[If it's time, Murphy's got plenty of that. But he knows for a fact that time isn't an issue here. It's what he's got to lose.]

Look, it's... You don't gotta say anything. I'm sorry I went off on you like that. Just got some shit I need to work out. [Even if it's driving him slowly cray.]

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