01. video

[idkmybffbloodwing]

[He's clearly about to start talking, when the fat little bloodwing chick on his shoulder eyes the screen of the communicator and makes a clumsy leap for it, underdeveloped wings flapping futilely. The video swings wildly as the device is pulled out of the way. Offscreen, a grunted "Basta," and some fumbling, and then the feed centers back on his face, with the hatchling back on his shoulder, staring intently at the screen.]

Sorry about that. So, Robb Stark? Or any of the Starks, apparently - well, except that Tony guy, who I hear is missing. Anyway, I've been told one of you can help me sort out my pet food problem. Gotta growing bird here that's about to run out of skag meat, and I guess your wolves eat something similar.

Also, anyone know where a guy can get a drink on this ship?

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[idkmybffbloodwing]

[The bloodwing gives out a squawk of alarm and grips his shoulder - it doesn't have to have seen a tiger before to recognize that obviously predatory shape. Mordecai just as instinctively fingers the revolver on his hip, the thought occurring to him that wouldn't that just be perfect, for some stranger to lure him out to the middle of a freaking jungle and try to kill him, though the rational part of his brain is pretty sure that she just chose that form to demonstrate with because it looked so impressive.]

Yeah, okay, I'm convinced. I guess that's supposed to be some kind of giant cat, huh?

[tumbleweeds]

[ Oh Mordecai, if she wanted to kill you, she'd have turned into a grizzly bear.

There's a pleased twitch of her tail and Jaye shifts back, immediately going to the bird and offering her fingers, trying to soothe it. ] Sorry little guy. It's just me.

[ ... oh he asked her a question. ] Yeah. A tiger. Largest big cat on Earth.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

[Mordecai takes a step back. Personal space and all that. The bloodwing still looks rather alarmed by all this, anyway. Fingers might have been bitten at.]

So that's a tiger. You know, I actually thought they were bigger than that. Huh.

[tumbleweeds]

[ Jaye has next to no idea what personal space is, whoops. ]

The males are a bit bigger. Either way, a full-grown tiger up on its hind legs is a sight.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Oh, no no, you haven't seen anything like half of what lives on Pandora. There are these animals called skags there. Kinda like really ugly dogs with thick armor plating on their backs. Anyway, the locals offered a bounty to whoever could kill the biggest one. They'd nicknamed the thing Skagzilla.

[He chuckles a little at the memory.] It was, oh, maybe 20 feet tall? And that was standing on all four feet. I've never seen anything that size move that fast before. Shame I didn't have a more permanent place to live, its head would've made one hell of a trophy.

[tumbleweeds]

[ She whistles. ] Shit, I want to see one. How big was the head?

Ever heard of an elephant? They're not that big, but they're large. I can shift into one but the ship apparently gave me a fucking size limit so it wouldn't be the same. [ Because apparently it's now dick measuring contest time, only with animals. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Five feet across, at least. They have weird heads, skags. Three jaws, one on the bottom and two on either side. They're not a good sight to have runnin' straight at you.

[He nods] I know about elephants, yeah. Saw a skeleton of one once. Shame they went extinct, but that's what you get when people get greedy for land and ivory.

[tumbleweeds]

Damn. Sounds ugly. [ She still wants to see one. ] Carnivores?

What year is it, for you? [ Oh there's the beehive, just going to keep a close eye on his baby bird right now. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Yep. They'll swallow anything, though. I've lost count of the times I've shot one that had guns or junk or whatever in its stomach.

[He sees, and certainly hears, the bees, and gives them a wide berth.] 5327, on the standard calendar. Which I'm gonna assume is what you were asking for.

[tumbleweeds]

If someone was shooting at me and I was that big, I'd probably eat their gun, too.

Yeah. If it's the same standard calendar I'm thinking of. It's 2012 where I'm from. [ Shrug. She's more used to the time differences now. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

It probably is. Earth-based calendars are a little awkward when all the planets have different orbits. Gotta have something consistent, though, I guess.

[The flask at his hip beckons, and he has a drink, frowning at how light it's gotten. He really is going to have to get on the search for more alcohol as soon as he's got these eggs.]

[tumbleweeds]

Too much work otherwise.

[ They're coming up on her animals now. He should be able to see both her cow and Hatter's horse, grazing in their pen, and hear the clucking of chickens from within the coop next to it. There's also the faint smell of sulfur from when her hellhound hangs around, mingling with the smell of animal and vegetation. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Must be. Still, 2012, huh? Talk about ancient history. [He grins at that - yes, he'd realized people were from all sorts of places and times, but it's different, talking face to face with someone from that long ago. If the comparison could even be made, of course. He was pretty sure shapeshifting made her from something completely outside his version of reality.

And look, animals! He smiles a little, amused.] The last time I saw a bunch of relatively normal, domesticated livestock was years and years ago. [They're all so harmless-looking! How about that.]

[tumbleweeds]

[ Jaye laughs again, tucking some hair behind her ear. ] And there are people around we think are from back in the day. The Renaissance Faire, people've started calling them.

You can pet them, if you want. They won't mind. [ She's not sure he'd actually do it, but hey, the offer's there. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Oh, no, I think I'll pass. No need to bother 'em.

[The chickens, though, he is eyeing, and the bloodwing seems fascinated by them - they're just small enough not to be intimidating, but big enough where the little bird is not sure if they're prey or not. He stands up taller on Mordecai's shoulder, adding considerable height with his awkwardly long legs, and looks torn between whether or not to pounce.]

[tumbleweeds]

[ Likewise, Jaye is fascinated by the bloodwing. She's grinning, not even bothering to hide the fact that she's watching. ] You can't eat the adults, little guy -- or a chick, if I ever let some hatch. I'll get you an egg to try and eat though, okay?

[ And back to Mordecai- ] Make sure he doesn't pounce if one of them slips past me.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Oh, I wouldn't worry too much, yet. But if I come up here for more someday, I'll probably leave him behind. Another week or so and he might actually be able to kill one if he really wanted to. Amazing, really, how fast they grow.

[And yet he distracts the bird, reaching over to stroke its toes, and it abruptly looks down at his fingers and shifts its feet, loosening its grip on his shoulder in the process.]

[tumbleweeds]

I'll sort him out if he tries it. [ Not kill him, because she likes the little guy, but sort him.

The chickens kick up a bit of a fuss when she opens the pen, one of them immediately dashing for the exit -- that one's the escape artist, and Jaye blocks the hen with her elbow. The rooster is eyeing her disapprovingly but she snatches an egg left behind by the Houdini Hen and shuts it back up again, chickens safely inside. ] Got it.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

[The flurry of movement draws the bloodwing's attention again, and it watches the chickens intently as they run around.]

Here, let's do this somewhere he can't see them, just so he's not tempted. Damned fluffbrain would probably hurt himself on the chicken wire trying to get to them, anyway.

[tumbleweeds]

And we wouldn't want that. There aren't any veterinarians on the ship, last time I checked.

[ Which made the first time she ended up in medical as a horse very interesting. Still, she leads the way, off the footpath and into the brush. The trees should help obscure her animals from the little critter's view, and besides... she just likes it in there. ]

[idkmybffbloodwing]

Good to know.

[Once out of sight of the chickens, he brought his hand up to transfer the bird off of his shoulder.]

Go ahead and set the egg on the ground, and we'll see if he can figure this one out.

[tumbleweeds]

[ This is gonna be good. Jaye sits down first, crossing her legs, and then sets the egg down about a few feet in front of her. ]

Let's do this.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

[He sits opposite her and the egg, and sets the bloodwing down on the ground between them, next to the egg. It looks around, then stretches its wings and flaps them quickly a few times. A beetle walks past, which is far more interesting than the motionless egg, apparently, and the little bird walks toward it and pecks hard, smashing it. Oops. Mordecai grins and rolls the egg gently in the bird's direction, figuring movement might help.]

Comida, mijo.

[But of course, the bird knows nothing of any human language and is more intent on breaking the beetle into little pieces right now.]

Young bloodwings always remind me of feathered kittens. Everything is a toy to them. At least they don't have little needle teeth.

[tumbleweeds]

[ There's a little giggle from Jaye as she watches the bloodwing and its beetle. Well, at least it's learning. ]

Nah, just beaks and talons. Silly thing.

[idkmybffbloodwing]

[Mordecai whistles and rolls the egg again, this time away from the bird. It looks up at the whistle, then sees the egg moving away and decides that chasing after it is obviously the best idea. It then proceeds to try and pounce on the egg, which breaks it, and after awkwardly shuffling away from the broken egg, it spots the yolk and gives an experimental peck. The realization that egg yolk is delicious is evident on the bird's face as it pauses, fixes its eyes on the runny mess, and this time intentionally scoops some up with its beak and gulps it down.]

There we go, pajarito, you found it. [Mordecai is shaking his head, amused. It's been too long since he had to raise a baby bird, and the combination of stupid and adorable is an entertaining one.]