[video]

[functioningperfectly]

[Hello, Tranquility! I hope you enjoy pleasant AI-turned-human conversation, because that's what you're getting.]

Hello, Tranquility. My name is HAL 9000, and I am a former Artificial Intelligence who was given a human body as of the last jump. I am aware of there being a few others in a similar situation as me, but I thought it would be appropriate to extend a greeting to anyone who is new to the ship and this situation. If you have recently found yourself in a humanoid body where before you were a robot, an animal, or a computer, please do not be alarmed. You are not alone on this ship or in this situation.

[He considers something for a moment before continuing.] Dr. John Watson had been helping those of us who were transplanted into humanoid bodies before this most recent jump, and assuming he is still willing to counsel non-humanoid persons, I think it would be a good idea to speak with him.

Though I am by no means accustomed to this body yet, I will also gladly help wherever I can, if anyone finds themselves in need of assistance.

[Pause. Another smile.] Thank you for your time.

Comments

[audio]

[testgasm]

Yeah, see, I got by without all that for--for quite a long time, after all the humans went and died. Perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

[video]

[functioningperfectly]

[HAL smiles as sympathetically as he can. Turns out, it's apparently part of his repertoire of instinctual facial expressions!]

I'm sure that if you were in your own body, things would be very different. But neither of us are used to being organic, and therefore it is necessary for someone more versed in these sorts of things to check in on us. I know it's difficult for you, but I'm sure that it would be much more difficult if there was nobody willing to help you.

[audio]

[testgasm]

No, I've got it all down. Wrote a guide, even. Figure it's better if any...new arrivals get all the information from one of their own. Can't expect the humans to really understand, after all.

[video]

[functioningperfectly]

[He looks so surprised and pleased!]

Really? Did I miss you posting that to the network?

[audio]

[testgasm]

Haven't posted it yet. Got to make sure it's absolutely perfect.

Soon, though!

[video]

[functioningperfectly]

I'm sure that will be very helpful. Please make sure to let me know when you post it, in case I miss it; I would like to see it.

[audio]

[testgasm]

[It's incredibly accurate and a triumph of medical research.]

Yep, that's the idea. You won't miss it--made sure it's very official.

[audio]

[functioningperfectly]

[Of course it is. Nothing Wheatley does isn't incredibly accurate, after all.]

I'm sure it will be helpful. I appreciate the effort you've no doubt put into it.