ataraxion | [002: audio]

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[002: audio]

Heheh... hahahaha...

[It's been a long while, since LB last made a call to the network, but from her lengthy laugh, it should be pretty telling that all wasn't quite right, in her mind. A sharp intake of breath is heard. calming her giggling down before she begins to speak.]

I think - I think I speak for all of us when I say what the fuck happened, huh?

[The tone is odd in that sentence, obviously an attempt at halfhearted humor.]

But... it wasn't all bad. Eeheehee -- I got to kill the group of people I always fantasized about killing -- something I never even dreamed was possible. And it felt good -- hahaha -- so good.

[Her prideful tone then falters.]

Or at least it did, at the time. I had always thought that if I could just get the chance to kill them, it would fix everything and everything would be okay again. Ahahaha -- but nothing... nothing's changed. [Hesitantly, she adds:] I'm still laughing.

It's - it's just because the whole thing was - different, right? Sort of like a passing nightmare? It would be different if it were real, wouldn't it? If it were a situation I was more familiar with?

[LB speaks hopefully, genuinely believing that she could be happy again if she could just kill the right person.]

I guess what I really want to know is if anyone has ever managed to kill someone that really caused problems for them. Heeheeheehee... and more importantly, did it make you feel good?

[A heavy sigh passes.] That's all... thanks.

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If killing them furthers the good cause, then yes, you should feel fulfilled.

[She's caught off-guard by what appears to be a child on the screen. Perhaps if LB was most people, she'd wonder why a little girl was giving advice about killing, but she came from a world fucked up beyond relief; even children were subjected to the horrors of this kind of shit.]

It -- eeheeheehee -- I think it would be for a good cause. It would at least stop them from ever doing the same thing again.

So that would bring me happiness, correct?

I suppose so. However, bear in mind that your own happiness might be detrimental to the greater good, miss.

[Well. That laugh is familiar (almost- it's lacking somewhat, but how many people giggle like that constantly), but Sark understands the importance of an alias, even if your tics might give you away.]

I suspect drugs. Mind-altering substances meant to replicate something akin to a shared dream state. At which point, one does have to wonder what else this ship is hiding.

[He's not answering that question. Nooo way.]

I'm certain that, whether it was real or a passing nightmare, it still would not be capable of undoing the damage that's already been done. [Rey is one who feels and lives that damage, day by day.]

In answer to your question, yes. It did feel good, and then it was done.

[She has no clue how the hell a little girl would know all of this, but either way, LB was pretty gullible.]

H-how so? Heheheh?

[She recognizes Sark's voice immediately; as a person who had a skill in copying voices, she had to be good at recognizing people that way. Regardless, she chooses not to say anything about it, yet.]

I'm not even sure if drugs would even work on me, honestly. Heeheehee... unless maybe it was some sort of alien drug, or something.

Even so, it'd be pretty disappointing, if that were the case. Hahaha -- I was under the impression that drugs were supposed to be fun.

[That's definitely not what LB wanted to hear, even if it was a creeping suspicion that was lingering in her mind.]

Maybe not, but... there's got to be some way to feel better about it, heeheehee.

[LB pauses for a short while, looking at the number on the girl's transmission. Oh! She remembered texting this person before.]

The man with the porkpie hat, right? That's wonderful -- haha -- really. I can't imagine how good that would have felt. But - did it make you feel happy?

[Now here's a dilemma. The story has pangs of familiarity to it and she wants to reach out and help, but the Doctor and Amy are here and they can't know, not yet. So she whips up the best encryption she can manage on short notice as a compromise]

Yes, I did. And no, it didn't.

[She doesn't recognize this woman, but what the hell. If she wanted to show her face, LB would too. So after a moment, the screen fills with her curious expression.] It didn't feel good? Haha? Were you at least able to be happy about it afterward?

[She's glad to see the person at the other end appear on the screen. Perhaps it's old fashioned, but she'd much prefer to communicate face-to-face, as it were.] It felt good in the moment, but afterwards... well, I realised it didn't help anything.

There are times you must sacrifice your pleasure for a bigger cause, one that's worthy of it.

[LB sighs, folding her knees up to her chin; it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear, but it was the same one she was expecting to hear.]

That's too bad. Hahaha... so in the end, it was a worthless deal, for you?

I don't know any causes that are worthy though, eheheh.

[a pause.] Are you trying to recruit me for some sort of charity? Eheh?

[Because that's what it was starting to sound like to her.]

I do not know if there is.

[Rey didn't feel happiness or relief when she had done it. Only an indescribable amount of anger and fury. In the end, she was still pretty pissed off.]

I have no way of telling whether it did, one way or the other. If it's anything like the drug I took once, I did not feel euphoric, if that's what you mean.

[River's not surprised that the girl seems disappointed. Life would be much simpler if going about killing people who caused problems was actually satisfying. But simpler isn't always better.]

I'm not sure I'd say that... I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't done it and had the chance to realise there was far more to life than hunting down one person. But yes, the act of killing itself, that was worth nothing to me.

I wouldn't know, as far as the drug goes. Heheheh... [Her nanos negated the effects of any drugs, after all; it would lessen her combative ability, so LB would never know. It was disappointing, really, especially when she had heard so many stories about drugs making people feel good.]

But euphoric would be nice. It's a shame there's no other way you can feel that kind of effect.

So you'd say that you're a better person for doing it? Eheh?

[It wasn't quite what she was hoping for, but it was something, at least.]

I guess if I killed others before and felt nothing, it should be the same, but... I hoped it'd be different.

[Granted, she felt all of the pain and regret in the world, when she was forced to kill her family, but that wasn't something she was going to bring up to a stranger.]

Well, this is the future. The idea of a shared dream state was merely theoretical where I'm from, but I've found I can't take anything for granted.

[He chortles a bit under his breath.] Hardly. The sort that governments use in their little experiments are rarely fun for anyone.

[BELIEVE HIM.

HE KNOWS. He almost got one very dangerous drug tested on him and to that he says FUCK YOU, CIA.]

I'm a better person for realising that I didn't need to do it. That's not to say that killing isn't ever a solution because I'd be quite the hypocrite if I tried to tell you that, but it won't fix anything other than the immediate.

[And it's not to say she's never enjoyed the raw pleasure of making something beg for its life and then shooting it anyway, but that was different. That was for hurting the love of her life. Pure revenge, not an attempt at solving any of life's greater problems.]

Yeah, I guess just about anything is possible, in a place like this. Eheheh...

Governments still have to administer those kinds of drugs, in your world? Hahaha? Must be a little behind the times, if you don't have everyone on nanomachines by now.

Charity? Hardly. You're a grown-up, you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions. I'm merely explaining rational reasoning to you, miss. And I, for one, believe there is a greater cause.

Ha, yeah. As much as some people here would hate to admit it, I know it's necessary to kill certain people.

[She smiles weakly, rubbing at the side of her neck.]

I'm good at that much, at least.

But I guess inner peace just isn't that easy to achieve.

Ah, if you say so.

But - ah - what do you believe is the "greater cause"? Eheh?

I know there's different kinds; that's what wars are essentially all about, isn't it?

[Even if she had no stake in it, either way. Aside from the fact that she was promised inner peace if she killed a different man.]

Me personally?

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