ataraxion | ► 002.

Entry tags:

► 002.

[the video coming on is a complete accident. the hallway she's in is cast mostly in gloom, and only slightly more than her outline is visible. nill is clutching the comm in her hand, the camera aimed at her crooked. she's wearing one of her dresses from the most recent jump. her face is just out of the frame, but her wings aren't. they're standing straight out from her back, quivering. and from just that small movement, a feather falls.

and then nill darts from her hiding spot into the lit hall, and her wings are in full view. they look scraggly, a few thin patches visible. the sudden movement makes another feather come out, and then the video darkens again as she finds shelter in the next dark hallway. the feed cuts.]

think i am sick
heine where are you

[ooc; molting molting molting yeah]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Fuck, fuck, fuck.]

Hey, you guys--you need anything?

do not know
not sure what is happening yet

'Kay. Look, you're moulting. You been stressed lately?

You need to eat a lot of protein and salt. Keep your eletrolytes up. This happen to you before? I know mine shed when I've been run down.

[nill just stares, head cocked to the side. moulting. she didn't even know what that was. she'd never seen a real bird, only some pictures in the books granny had lent her for practice. and they were always whimsical, cartoonish creatures.

but oh, a question. she shakes her head. no, it's never happened.]

...kiddo, you're going to be fine. I can almost guarantee you this is no big thing. 'Kay? Don't freak. I lose my feathers every fall. It's probably something in the atmosphere you're not used to. Unless you feel sick otherwise--don't worry.

Fuck--let me talk to your guy before he freaks. I know what this is. [She rolls up her sleeve. Feather buddies, right? And it's a relief to her that--for once these come in useful]

[it happened to her... but why had it never happened to nill? she'd had these wings for as long as she could remember (which, to be honest, was only since she'd been fourteen), and the feathers had never fallen out. why was it happening now?

she wants to type something about it, but then libby says she wants to talk to heine and nill's eyes go wide. she holds up a hand no, stop, that wasn't a good idea. heine... didn't like talking to girls. girls who weren't her, at least.]

Fine, whatev. He's a dick anyway.

[If it bugged Nill, well. Libby would leave it alone. The guy was sketchy even if she approved of him for taking care of Nill. Didn't make them friends.]

'Kay. Do you know what a period is? Do you get them? It's when you bleed out of your [wow Nill makes her not want to be vulgar, what is that] your vagina every month or...whenev. I don't have one, but do you? Or just know what I mean?

[her brow furrows. heine was a dick to most people, but that didn't mean she liked hearing it. just like when people called him a monster or a freak, she's offended for him because she knows he won't care. that was one of the great and also awful things about him: he just didn't give a fuck what anyone thought of him.

except nill, of course. he would always care what she thought.

and wow this took a turn that she was not expecting. no she has no idea what a period is because nobody has ever explained this to her. bleeding every month no her vagina is not where blood should be coming from. nill just stares, completely (figuratively) speechless.]

[From Libby dick is practically a term of affection.

And oh fuck, no, she is so not the person for this job, someone help her, she just wanted to make an analogy why--but now she's here, and who else knows freaky mutant sex ed like she does?]

Ohhhkay, I--do you know what sex is? And what it's for? I promise this has to do with your feathers, we'll get there.

[that was also not where she expected this to go. nill visibly flinches away from the camera at the word "sex," but nods. yes, yes, she knew what it was for all too well. of course, her thoughts were "to hurt and to claim." nill didn't really know anything about how babies were made--not naturally, anyway.]

[Oh, no.

No, no, no. Libby freezes, obviously upset, and tilts the camera away for a second to get a grip. She knows that look. She's worn that look. Whixh means she thinks she knows what she has to do, but--she tilts the camera back down.]

Hey. Me too. [Her smile is quietly reassuring, she hopes.] Listen. Let's not talk about that right now. The important thing is this is normal. Your feathers just need to replace themselves. It's like when strands of your hair come out when you're washing it. Just eat stuff that you want and rest. Nothing's wrong with you.

And I think--I think you and me need to talk later. Alone. 'Cause there are things you should know that you don't. About the other thing. And nobody ever helped me out, so. I want to help you out. Can we do that?

[nill doesn't know what "me too" means. or maybe she does and just isn't willing to think about it. but she keeps her expression neutral, not willing to show how much she was fidgeting or how much she just wanted to stop being talked to about this. it hurt, it made her think about things she'd tried so hard to forget.

the subject change is alright, though. a relief. she nods, that makes sense. she didn't know why it had never happened before. but she doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to consider the possibility that something on the ship had made her sick. it being natural was so much easier to accept.

"the other thing." nill didn't want to, but... she couldn't exactly say no. so she gives a hesitant nod. okay. maybe sometime.]

[Libby doesn't like talking about it either. Oh, it's easy to spit at people, to speak in generalities and let them make up whatever stupid teenage whore story they want. But really talking about it? Really getting into it, how it felt? How it still feels?

No, she doesn't like talking about it. But Nill needs to know things that will keep her safer, and Libby doesn't even think of asking anyone for help. This is between them.

She had little sisters in freezers waiting to be born. She had little whores who learned how to stay alive in her wake. Libby can do this.]

Is there anything you wanna know about your feathers?

[Because aside from the nod in response, the other subject is cut now.]

[the shift is good, it keeps her mind off worse things. she shakes her head; no, she doesn't want to think about any of this anymore. she'll be okay, heine would find someone who could help her and everything would be okay. not that nill was afraid of dying (she knew it was going to happen some day, probably violently, she just had to wait for it), but making heine worry for her was the absolute worst. hopefully this could be figured out and resolved quickly.]

Tell Loomy McSnarls to calm down.

[She teases, but then softens. She does like what he does for Nill, at least. They don't have to like each personally to be allies; stay at a distance and watch Nill. Easy.]

You wicked like him, huh.

[nill would have laughed if she hadn't been trying to ignore how depressed she was quickly becoming. the last comment does catch her off guard though, and she blinks once in confusion. but she does nod; of course she liked him. he had saved her. he was her protector.]

Rad. Well, 'cause it's you? And just because it's you, I am not turning into a sucker--if he needs any techy stuff, let me know. Hey, did you see that Banner guy made a text to voice program? You pick that up yet?

[Libby could slap herself. Now she was never going to get over being protective of Nill.]

[she nods, answering all the questions at once. yes, it was her, yes she had the program. but she wanted to try reading for herself before using it, try to piece together the letters into words and the words into sentences.]

Your typing is better. Guess all those crazy bitches pulled it off, huh?

[Fuck knew Libby wouldn't have the patience for it.]

[she smiles a bit, shy. yes, they were doing a good job, her teachers. she was so grateful to them.]

Real soon you'll be pro. Then I can teach you all the cursing ever and you can horrify the fuck out of everybody and blame me.

[...bonding?]

[wow if this is what bonding will be like nill isn't sure she wants to participate. but she wants to be polite so she smiles a bit. she already knew plenty about cursing, thanks to badou and heine, even as much as they tried to watch themselves around her.]

[Horrify the tiny birdgirl. Good job, Libby.]

Well--get some rest. Oatmeal baths help with the itching. I know there's oatmeal on the kitchens.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

► 002.

video | after heine and nill stop network communicating

permavid & text in her room

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

private

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.

private.