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[Ianto is wearing a suit. After months on this ship, he finally has one at a cost he'd rather not have seen paid.]

Happy birthday to me. Assuming this calender's compatible with Earth's and functioning properly and all that. I'm sorry to say I don't have any cake, but I managed to scrounge up some music and something that passes as nachos. If anyone wants to bring anything up to the holodeck in passenger level one, we can share it around and call it a party.

[Happy birthday, indeed. Thanks, Sherlock.]

(ooc: and here's a log.)

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I was kinda thinking about that myself. A party. [ Then, he pauses. ] What are nachos?

They're... Do you know what crisps are? Or chips, as Americans would say, only Americans are rubbish at using proper names for things.

Can't say I know what those are supposed to be either. Or an American. What's that?

Er, nevermind. Crisps are thin pieces of a crunchy substance usually made of ground and pressed corn or grain. Nachos are crisps covered in melted cheese and other various condiments like beans or salsa.

It's food. Of a sort.

[PARTY!!!]

Hello! I'll be there, if you don't mind me.

Oh. You could have said that the first time. [ Grin. ] Sooo. About this party. How many are coming?

Nice suit.
sH

Birth-day? Oh, that must be like a Wriggling Day! Humans celebrate those with cake and nachos? How weird.

[ What a rough time for a birthday, but Amy musters up as much of a genuine smile as she can. ]

No cake? What kind of a birthday is that?

howw does anyone figure out howw old they are around here i dont evven knoww the difference betwween years an swweeps

wwhy do you need a cake to celebrate your spawwnin though

[this is, obviously, eridan's attempt at pretending that they are both Completely All Right and they totally don't need to talk about sherlock or that awkward emotional breakdown and shit. right? of course.]

[ there's really only one question here. ]

Will there be dancing?

I have no idea, really. It's an open invitation.

...He left it to me.

Well, usually just with cake. But we don't have any, so I went with what I could find. I wouldn't call them proper nachos, but it was the best I could do.

I thought as much, yes.
SH

If you can find anything close to resembling a cake on this ship, by all means...

I told him I didn't want the bloody suit if he had to die first. We had a whole conversation...

[And he feels shitty about it, as if it's partially the fault of that conversation, like he tempted fate.]

[...Right. Sure, Eridan. Let's pretend like nothing happened, because that's healthy and they're both obviously really healthy. Yes.]

It's traditional. I don't know why, it just is. And for all I know, I'm completely off on the date, but I've been trying to keep track as best as I can by the date we found on the space stations.

If you want there to be, why not? There's music.

Excellent. If there's one thing I've learned [ well... among many things. ] is that it's never a proper party without dancing.

Well, it was a very expensive suit. I'm sure the meaning is clear enough.
SH

Well come on by and dance, then. God knows we could use a bit of cheer.

Is it? How do you interpret it, then? You'd know better than anyone, I suppose.

I can't speak for him, but my clothes are incredibly important to me. I see them as a physical ice breaker; if someone sees me wearing my finest suit, then the connotations on my personality are clear and largely positive. However, if someone sees me wearing something tattered and old, it gives off the impression of being lazy and uncaring of my appearance. People wouldn't take me as seriously if I turned up at a crime scene wearing an old pair of jeans and a comical t-shirt.

It's a professional statement, and it often acts as a subliminal way in allowing people to not only trust you, but to talk freely and feel as though they're being taken seriously.

Assuming he felt the same way, then it's as I said: the meaning is clear enough.
SH

I do have to say... murder really does put a damper on any celebration.

[ he frowns. ]

Were you close to...

[ What was the man's name again? ]

[His mouth twitches downward, but that's the only sign of his displeasure.]

Sherlock. As in Holmes. We were...friends. [As much as Sherlock could ever be friends with anyone, really.] He left this suit to me.

[ he should be more interested in other things and maybe more upset for Ianto's sake but... ]

Sherlock Holmes!?

[ ...as in, the great 19th century literary detective?! ]

[And that was too expected and typical of the Doctor's manic personality to really be offensive. Ianto just sighs minutely.]

There are two others on board if you'd like to speak with them.

But can you be sure they're actually Sherlock Holmes.

[ because you know... literary figures coming to life... KINDA IMPOSSIBLE. Brilliant, of course.

But impossible. ]

Can I be sure you're actually the Doctor?

thats fuckin wweird
like its just a cake
some kind a baked thing you eat because you got older
thats bizarre humans sure are fuckin wweird

so ok then howw long havve wwe been here
i figure i should start payin attention to human time standards an all since you guys dont havve swweeps an i need to knoww wwhen the fuck my wwrigglin day is myself

[ sighs, almost turning it into a groan. ]

Sometimes I forget we're on a regular, old spaceship. One of the worst things after you've been travelling inside something like the TARDIS. Did you ever get a chance to see it?

The TARDIS? No, I can't say I--

Well, there was that one time I saw a bit of the inside over video when the world was ending. But otherwise, no, I've never had the dubious privilege of getting mixed up in that particular can of worms.

[That's... Not quite what he was expecting, but not so far off the mark that it's shocking. Seeing it written out like that is humbling.]

...I suppose I should be more grateful. I am, don't get me wrong, I just-- This isn't what I had in mind, when I said I wanted a suit.

It's tradition, Eridan. Don't knock our traditions and I won't start mentioning buckets incessantly and lewdly every time we speak. Deal?

We've been here too bloody long, that's how long. Almost nine months.

like youd evven do that accurately but wwhatevver

ok im gonna havve to figure out howw many swweeps havve gone by because im seriously startin to get irritated by not knowwin if im supposed to say im six or sevven its gettin fucking annoyin

anywway

uh happy birthday i guess

[ world ending. those words drop right to the pit of her stomach. the entire universe was disappearing the last time she was 'back home,' a thought that seems too distant nowadays. ]

By any chance know when that was? Because I was going to say, if we can make it through all of this, I should bug the Doctor to take you somewhere for a belated birthday present. Guess we have the world ending to deal with, too. What's one more thing, yeah?

I'm very inventive, and I'd keep trying until you started blushing.

It's still weird that you're only six. Or seven.

Thanks, Eridan.

By whose timeline? By what measurement of time? It's all bollocksed here, more so than usual. I'm only about 75% sure this is actually my birthday, and if I were traveling with the Doctor, I'm fairly certain that percentage would go down. But the sentiment is appreciated.

thatd be borderin on blackish passes so its a good thing im already agreein not to knock your wweird fuckin traditions

its wweird that you think its wweird im positivve that the timeframe is different for us since im pretty sure it wwas that wway wwith the humans back home but still like howw old am i supposed to be if im not supposed to be six or so

I really have no idea what you're talking about, but it sounds disturbing.

In human terms, you're more like the equivalent of fifteen or so. A six year old human is still developing basic cognitive abilities.

it is disturbin evven for me
an that is sayin a fuckin lot about the situation

hahaha fuckin seriously wwoww you guys are sloww as fuck to devvelop arent you
i guess i shouldnt be surprised

wwell no thats not true its probably that you all are on a different lunar year than us but still wwoww wwere usually gettin ready to join the army by eight or nine a human kid wwould nevver survvivve alternia

And here I was thinking that travelling with the Doctor was going to make this place a piece of cake. I mean, erm— no pun intended.

[ yes. shutting up now. ]

Well, enjoy your maybe or maybe not birthday while you can.

[He smiles wryly]

Thanks, Amy.

We take our time and actually develop. We have to be eighteen before we can legally join the army, though in times of war people have been known to lie, and recruiters have been known to look the other way.

wwhy wwould you wwait that long wwhy not join the second youre ready an wwillin
or unwwillin i guess there are some people wwho dont find intergalactic conquest invvigoratin

For one thing, we don't do intergalactic conquest. Our empire days are behind us... Or ahead of us, depending on who you ask. For another, we have this really curious concept of not sending children off to be killed.

thats wweird

Well I think you're weird, so I guess that makes us even.

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