ataraxion | --one [video]

[It doesn't take him long to read, but when he's finished, he spends a moment thinking it over with his eyes shut and his brow drawn. Great. This is perfect. This is what he needs, a little kid "protecting" him. He let her keep the powers because she was afraid of Loki, and what happened instead? Loki's turned her into his bitch and sent her off on the attack.

Bitten out:]

I don't. I don't work for him.

He helped me. Once. That's it.

[And now Loki's using a child to do his work, and that's unforgivable. The powers Jesse granted her? She won't be keeping those. Loki will have to find someone bigger and badder, leave the kid alone.]

[Lisbeth shrugs.]

I believe you.

[He tosses the communicator down onto the bed beside her, then offers the same hand to her.]

I wanna give you something.

Do you still have your power?

[But without a second thought nor an answer from him, she slips her hand into his.]

Yeah.

[He gives her hand a light squeeze.]

I'm giving you teleportation. It's a weird one. You can only move through shiny things. Mirrors and glass and whatever. But I want you to have it, just in case.

[It takes Lisbeth a bit to eventually pull her hand back from his, but she does.]

So is this another place where we have to fight to survive?

Only if you make mistakes.

[Which, from the sound of his voice and the evidence she's seen, it's pretty obvious that he has.]

[She's quiet for a little longer and then finally speaks.]

You look like you've had a rough day.

[...Yeah. He's wringing his hands the way he does when he's done bad.]

Look, I gotta tell you something. And it's... It's big. It's something I shoulda told you a long time ago, and I'm sorry, and I know you don't need it on top of everything going on. But if I don't tell you now, you're gonna find out in a couple hours. And...

[Her forehead creases slightly with confusion at his words before she relaxes again. Did it have something to do with him? Physically? Was he sick? Lisbeth quieted her mind from jumping to conclusions.]

What's wrong?

There's a girl.

[He shakes his head. That sounds wrong.]

Somebody I knew. Somebody I loved at home a long time ago.

[Not actually that long ago, but it feels that way.]

And she, um...

[He stops there. He doesn't know how to put it. It takes him a moment. He swallows because his throat feels tight.]

She, uh, died.

[No.]

She died because of me.

And she's... here. She's here now.

[She didn't flinch when he said there was another girl. Their relationship was an open one in Siren's. But the more he spoke, the more the feeling pressed down on her chest. All too familiar.

She died because of him? Lisbeth couldn't even begin to imagine what that meant. She would have pressed further, if she didn't pick up on how difficult this was for him.]

Okay.

[She doesn't ask, but now it all comes spilling out of him: a whole flood of words he hasn't said to anyone. Things he tried to talk about in rehab but never quite could. Things Mr. White never wanted to hear. Things Andrea would never have understood. He paces the room and just talks.]

She was in recovery. Eighteen months. I was still using. And she could tell, you know, she could tell I was bad news. She was my landlord, but she let me stay. I guess she trusted me. She liked me. But some bad shit went down, you know, just in my life. I got in it pretty heavy, and one day she just shows up - she shows up with heroin and needles and it's all over. She was trying to make me feel better, you know, but heroin. Everything just kept getting worse. And then one day I woke up and she...

I killed her. It's my fault. She never woulda done it again. It was me.

[Lisbeth was so unused to being the person without the problem. This had happened in the past, but it was something that had obviously been eating at him since the day it happened. But now she was on the other end. Should she say something? People would normally say something consoling, but Lisbeth never gave verbal consolation. Hell, she never consoled anyone in her God damn life.

Now she was getting a crash course in it with the subject of a resurrected girlfriend. Fuck her life.]

That's something you couldn't control.

[He stops and gives a violent shake of his head. He isn't expecting consolation here. He's expecting to be condemned. But no one ever does it. No one ever accepts how terrible he is.]

I coulda. I coulda flushed it. I coulda gone to rehab with her. You gotta know that. I made all those choices. I want you to know I killed her, okay, because now I gotta take care of her. I gotta fix what I did.

No one can decide who you are - only you can by the choices you make.

You've been given a second chance. Now you make the decision with what to do with it.

[This was only her logic speaking and the way of life she'd been living.]

Edited 2012-08-09 08:07 (UTC)

[He doesn't want to argue the point. He's tired of that argument. He runs his hands over his face, nodding like he agrees. She's almost right, anyway. They didn't flush the heroin back home, but they flushed it today. That's something.]

[Well, she feels useless. She's no help in this situation. Her voice is soft, quiet.]

You should go get some sleep. Alot has happened for you today.

[Compounded with her appearance and that shit show with Loki. She's no help.]

[Sleep? Not likely. Plus there's another thing he has to get out of the way.]

Wait, just...

She don't know about you yet. I didn't think - I didn't expect you to be here. But I'll explain it to her when she wakes up.

[Again, her she furrows her brow briefly in confusion.]

Explain what?

[Wasn't this going to play out like it did in Stockholm? Erika had been there first - Lisbeth shouldn't have been surprised when she saw them. She easily capitulated.

While putting Mikael on her long list of people she never wanted to see again.]

Edited 2012-08-09 08:33 (UTC)

Wh...

[Does she think he's abandoning her? His eyes go wide and he rushes back to her side. He even gets on his knees so he can look at her straight, reaching for her hands.]

Nothing's changed. You understand? There's nothing different about you and me.

[In a rare show of emotion, she wraps her arms around his neck and looks him in the eye. Her voice is barely above a whisper.]

It's happened before. Please...

[Please don't let it happen again.]

I promise. That ain't me, okay? I ain't leaving you. I wouldn't do that to you.

[Lisbeth nods slightly before hugging him.]

[Jesse gathers her up close and hugs her tight. Lisbeth's good at taking care of herself - hell, she's also usually the one taking care of him - but he wants her to really feel him there.]

You ain't alone here. God, I swear.

--one [video]

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