ataraxion | [6] video;

Entry tags:

[6] video;

[When the picture slides into focus, it will be obvious to some of the passengers where this place is; considerably less so to others. The SEC office, fortunately, isn't the Tranquility's hottest vacation spot.

Head of Security, Tyke, sits in front of the comm device which is probably about expected.

However, William Tsang, the (erstwhile) Chief Medical Officer, sitting beside her is probably a little weird, especially given he's ash white and looks like he's about to throw up all over the camera. That isn't usually what guys with supernatural regeneration do. His hair has grown out raggedly in the past month, but he could look more disheveled or disoriented. He looks straight at the lens, is clear-eyed enough, when he says:] Hello.

I've got a confession to make. The clusterfuck last cycle, people attacking each other, was my powers going out of control. It was most likely a function of recon syndrome, which amplified my abilities far beyond their usual scope, as well as eroding my control under stress. I'm sorry for all of it. Fortunately, Xenogen and Security have got notions for future prevention.

[Tyke rarely looks content to be in front of a camera, and all through William's talking, there's a pinch growing sharper between her brows - but when she speaks, her voice stays level and certain.]

We're gonna be keeping him under regular observation, done by those with the abilities to recognise and control any further abnormalities in his powers. If anything like the last incident looks like it's gonna start, we'll take the measures necessary to stop it. [Whatever measures those may turn out to be. There's a pause, the line of her mouth pressing hard, almost as if she's already expecting some particular kind of response to the next statement.] Containment and distance have no effect, and he's been determined not to be an immediate threat. He'll be released at the end of this broadcast.

I'm going to be stepping down from Chief Medical Officer and away from Medical Bay, [William adds. A beat. Despite that the statement is weighty enough to seem to demand an explanation, all he can think of is ‘duh,' so he doesn't.] Authority there defaults to Granny Weatherwax until or unless she defers to someone else. If anyone's got questions, I'll answer them as well as I can. Thanks for your attention.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

If you need anything, William.

( it's almost curt, but, you know. mila's not noted for her warmth, he should probably just take it for the staggering indication of regard that it is. )

[As one of those wounded in the recent chaos, Galadriel could say a lot of things. She would be entitled to. But William looks as though he's heard more than enough lectures for the moment. So instead, she leads with something else.]

You leave me in the hands of the woman who is perpetually suspicious of elves. I miss your leadership already.

[She's teasing, of course. Her smile softens a little as she goes on.]

Would it be presumptuous of me to ask what effect this has had on you? You do not look well, my friend.

Released.

[ The skepticism is meant for Tyke, but Fenris doesn't care enough about subtlety or privacy or William's feelings to figure out how to lock this to her or to message her directly. (Yay transparency? Also, does this mean he's excused from feeling guilty about attacking William earlier? He's thinking yes.) ]

And what would those necessary measures be?

[ She, personally, didn't suffer from the effects from his powers, and though she saw those who did, Shepard would sooner try anything, more or less, than a "last resort" scenario. ]

are you quitting or is it a leave of absence

[Her eyes narrow slightly. She'd been expecting some backlash, but she doesn't like that the first instance is from a member of her team.]

Yeah. Released, under observation and guard.

[The you got a problem with that? is unspoken.]

Courses of action that shouldn't be discussed like this.

[On the network or-- Well, she's still sitting right next to William.]

Fair enough. [ Then, quickly: ] D'you have a minute? I've got a question that'd be better offline.

[ And it isn't her original one, surprisingly. Which is why she adds: ]

Not on subject.

Thanks, Dr. G--

[It was almost curt. That's true. But only almost, and you may consider him safely staggered.]

Milagros. Cheers.

[There was a great deal to feel guilty of, but the injury of his own people-- elvishness aside-- and Lúthien's wrath afterward added up to

more guilt. But it's good to see her, and there's a little of that in the easing of the shadows around his eyes.] You're making me blush, [he says, after deciding not to worry about it. Weatherwax, as he recalls, cares about efficiency above most things. Elf magic works. The concept of such ancient powerful magical women in conflict is too terrifying to bear thinking about.]

I'm all right. Kind of sleep-deprived, ironically. Feeling kind of shitty about what I did in a proportionate kind of way. I'm off liquor for a bit, so this, [he motions at his horrible-looking headish region,] is all natural. No hangover.

I quit

tried to anyway.

[Screencapture if there is such a function!!]

were riding one bossy fuckin ship

good

( attaboy. )

Of course.

[She frowns, slightly, but nods.]

Give me ten to wrap this. Can meet you here.

Will do. See you soon.

yes do your job isn't that the least you owe anyone?

I am glad your circumstances are no worse. [They could have been, in many, many ways. She pauses, picking her next words more carefully.] I believe that many of us with powers fear loss of control, in one manner or another. I can scarcely imagine how it must feel to face the reality of that fear; if there is aught I can do for you, please do not hesitate to mention it.

that's not

[fair.]

who can trust me anymore with fuck all

least of all their bloody lives?

I'm out of fucking control. if there was a metric for cockups im pretty sure I ruptured the end with hemorrhaging hemorrhoidal force. who the fuck wants me knowing their

brainwaves and medications and problems anymore?

Who could be that stupid

someone I love once told me that guilt is something small people feel when they have run out of excuses for their behavior you didn't mean to do those things you only get to call people stupid if they believe otherwise because they would be factually incorrect and in contradiction to your confession your sins are between you and God and no one else when you're in control again, you come back

Edited (present tense) 2014-12-24 10:42 (UTC)

[ Sorry Tyke. Someday she'll catch a break, maybe, possibly.

Today: yes he has a problem with that. ]

What does any of that matter if he can alter their thoughts?

He can't. He's a dream manipulator, not a telepath. And we've got telepaths to observe him.

[William is silent for a protracted moment, a vacancy around his eyes that would look perfectly stupid to most people.] If you know how to, uh. I mean, Professor Snape and the telepaths, they been checking in like Tyke says. They're fucking brilliant, mind you. Cleverer than the people who trained me at home. But I reckon another opinion can't hurt.

Have you ever met anybody whose powers grew up faster than they was able to handle? [William shifts visibly in his seat.] Maybe-- because those powers didn't belong entirely to them. They wasn't inborn.

How can I tell? What if I cant

I couldn't tell before. I was in medbay for days, getting people to try and fucking murder each other subconsciously, pasting bandaids on them at the same time.

stupid's a bit harsh dont you think? I wont sink to name-calling but your optimisms got to be just that. Wouldntve pegged you for it.

your judgement and capabilities as a medical officer are still intact were intact there are more constructive ways to atone I just think you should think about that when you're ready I'll pray for you

I will do all that I can. My own talents likely bear some similarities to those of the telepaths you mention. You must be willing, however, to tell me more of your gifts. I know very little.

[His other question takes a little more consideration.]

I have known very few whose powers were not inborn, truthfully.

Ok.

Thank you.

I will think about this.

[Another faltering quiet, but then William finds his voice again reasonably quick. Straightening, as if he's come to a decision. It seems more precarious to tell anybody now, after-- everything, but it's yet to blow up in his face yet. Give or take the masochistic part of him that might obscurely want it to blow up.]

I'm a host to something that ain't human. His name is Guangtou. It's because of him I've got powers. He ain't a sadist-- sometimes I think he doesn't care about what's going on at all. He's older than anything I've ever met; older than anything I can think of, and he doesn't think like a person does. But the debacle the other month sure as shit wasn't his idea. [William pauses, then, as if thinking to belabor the point, to insist, as if that might persuade her better. But he doesn't want to seem desperate. He believes it to be true.]

Something's gone a bit wrong; something's been going wrong ever since I went into the corridors under Shepard's command, cycles ago. I started to hear from him less and less, and I started to sleep less and less. I haven't heard from him for weeks now.

Do the telepaths not sleep?

[ I tried to go find fanart of him sulking even more childishly than he does in screencaps but I gave up. ]

[Her brow furrows. This is decidedly unlike anything she's heard of before and, thus, well beyond her expertise.]

How did this...arrangement between you two come to be?

I don't really know. He picked me for some weird fucking reason, without talking to me about it initially. I healed faster than normal people, and I could visit dreams. [A shrug seesaws through William's shoulders.] It isn't too uncommon in my world, and I was a different person back then-- I didn't question it, not even a little.

Then one day, after I got arrested for some dumb shit, he changed my brain in a fundamental way. I woke up. You could say I was-- smarter. He offered to go and I wanted him to stay. [A beat.] I got out of jail because of him. That was a few years ago; we been together since. It was pretty fucking low-key, until just recently. I barely noticed the changes until it was too late. All these little things out of fucking control.

[There is scarcely anything about this that Galadriel does not find unsettling. She leans forward as she listens, brow furrowing.]

As I said, I have known few who did not possess their gifts from birth. However, I have known several who have sought to expand their power, sometimes through bargains made with others.

[She pauses and purses her lips, deciding on her words.] Forgive me, but it is my experience that no one offers power out of the goodness of their hearts.

[Perhaps surprisingly, William is inclined to agree. He nods somberly at the camera.] He didn't say much and it was kind of hard to understand sometimes. Some shit about seeing what it was like to be human, in the context that humans completely fucked up the world I came from. The air is shit. The sea's full of shit.

Everything is shit because of us. [William folds his arms on the table.] What happened to those people, the ones you're talking about? The ones who tried to-- expand.

[She drops her gaze for a moment, thinking. The answer depends on who one includes, really.]

Some fared better than others; it depends a great deal on what they chose to do and where and from whom they sought their power. At best, they live with a burden equal to the power they have gained, the strain growing by the day. At worst, they were betrayed and killed or fell to corruption themselves and turned into that which they once sought to combat.

That's bloody dreary, isn't it, [William says, not even obviously trying to lighten the mood. Well, fuck.]

Is there anything those people did, made the burden easier to fucking drag 'round?

Such is nature of power.

[A weary smile] Those I know who have been remotely successful have used their power to the benefit of others. It helps, at times, to see the good that you have done; to know that it has not all been in vain.

Beyond that- [She shakes her head] - would that I knew. [Yes, she did just shift this over to the first person. As much as she needs it, Nenya wears on her.]

[There's a lengthy silence as William digests that information, his fingertips dropping an ungainly rhythm on the surface he's sitting at.]

Professor Snape talked about the problem of ending it, a bit, [he says. That sounds much less aggravated than Snape actually was, of course; it was more like hOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID.] Like even if I fucking knocked myself off there's no guarantee he wouldn't latch onto someone else. Same with these powers yous talking about, right?

I accepted both power and burden knowingly, to keep it from the hands of the Enemy and to do what good I might for my people. My time with it is not yet done. [A soft smile] Soon, I think, I will have my rest.

[A beat.]

I'm a mandated reporter, [he says.] Or I was back when there was fuckin' authorities to report to. Should I be worried about you, ma'am?

[Unfortunately, you can practically hear the "whoosh" as this goes over Galadriel's head.]

I am afraid you have lost me. Have I said something to merit concern?

All this banging on about burdens and rest makes me think you're on about killing yourself with some fucked up spiritual excuse. That's depressive talk, that is.

[William is super tact. Or not really, but at least he looks genuinely concerned!! jabbing his forefinger at the camera.]

[And Galadriel is genuinely taken aback, physically pulling back from the camera.]

I would never- [Clearly, she needs to back up several points.] For a time, several of my acquaintances were on this ship, some from what I would consider the future. They spoke to me of what is yet to come. If they are to be believed, I will sail to Valinor, the Undying Lands, when our war is won. Valinor is a place of peace and healing- and my homeland. It was my sailing to which I alluded, not my death.

[The confusion clears up from William's face after a few seconds of thought. After all, it's hardly his place to be incredulous of, um, retirement cruises. What does he know about elves? Bloody nothing.]

Glad to hear it, honestly, [he says.] You're quite the figure on this fucking ship.

Am I? [She smiles a little, despite herself.] That is good to know.

[William's face creases into a smile too. Warm and unequivocal. And then he glances over his shoulder, clearly at the sound of-- something.]

I've got to piss off back to work. Thanks for your input, ma'am.

Of course. Be well, my friend.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[6] video;

no subject

private to William

no subject

video;

text. private.

no subject

video;

video;

no subject

private; sorry for the delay, was RL swamped

private text; 1/2

2/2

text. private.

no subject

video;

no subject

video;

no subject

speaking of delays....

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

its not a race but if it was id be more delayed 8(

no subject

no subject

no subject

after awhile.

no subject

no subject

no subject

(if you want/don't mind, feel free to offer general One Ringish advice or the like)

Oh, she will. Because he's ringing all sorts of alarm bells now

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject