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♕ 5th - video - The Sight

[ there had been a point to her opening this channel. in light of the tragic losses they have suffered here, she has wanted to hold a dinner to celebrate the memory of those who have died and vanished. her mouth moves, but no words are produced. her face becomes deathly pale, her eyes wide and dilated as though in fear. but she has not seen a ghost. no, what she is seeing is something else entirely.

horrible images play before her, which only she might see. the blank look she sports is soon replaced with a one of complete and utter horror. ]

It is hot.. too hot to fight! The Dragon has come from across the sea to wage war against the Boar. Ah, the sun blinds the eyes!

[ she shudders, blinking her unfocused eyes. ] The field is an ocean of blood. I can barely hear over the din of it. The Dragon is swooping in, and his men roar behind him.

His Grace is brave to wear his crown to battle. He is winning.. standing alone in a field of dead, blood coursing over his boots. Ah, it is splendid and horrible!

[ once again, her face becomes a mask of pure terror, scrunching up while her eyes are too-wide for her face. ]

But here comes Lord Stanley! "For Tudor!" he calls. And His Grace has lost his horse. Treason, treason, treason!

[ and that seems to have snapped her out of it. still on camera, elizabeth exposes vulnerability for the first time to those aboard the ship at large, as she cannot control the violent shaking of her form or the tears that appear in her eyes. this is, unsurprisingly, a result of the nightmare she endured within the maze.

she cannot seem to speak for a long, long time. elizabeth covers her mouth with her hands to cover the fact that she is biting her lower lip so hard it is bleeding. and while she is able to finally get a few words out, it is muffled and quavering: ]

Forgive me.

[ she then abruptly ends the broadcast. ]

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( nuala doesn't bother with responding on the network; she sets aside her needlework and the papers she was sorting through (there is much to do, with a changeover in the xenogen department's leadership this cycle) and wraps an over-robe about the thin lounging dress she'd been wearing in the flet, going immediately after to seek elizabeth out. finding her isn't something nuala has difficulty with. )

[ she is currently seated alone within floor 28's library. as though frozen in place, elizabeth has not moved a muscle since ending the broadcast. unless one counts the fact that her body is shivering violently while she bites at her hand to keep from crying out in grief and shock as movement.

that is a good term to describe her current state, actually. she can recognize nuala, but it is as though she gazes right through her. all she can see, over and over and over is that bloody battle on a blistering hot day, and the form of her uncle being beaten to death by men who'd claimed to be his allies.

she can't say or do anything at all. it's too much. ]

( so nuala doesn't ask her to. she sits, instead, beside her - strokes her fingers through elizabeth's hair, her own golden presence on the edge of awareness but a controlled thing, warmly within reach and not overwhelming, something that might be focused upon as an alternative without being one more forceful entrance into her troubled mind. she draws her nearer, and the song that she sings in a low voice is older than the dynasties that war behind her young charge's eyes.

she remembers it from her nursery; she remembers it from her sick-room, laying upon her stomach while her handmaidens tended open-wounds on her back that nuada had suffered in battle, easing her pain and through her, his. perhaps it will help. perhaps it will remind elizabeth she isn't alone, and that is not nothing. )

[ there is someone there, isn't there? she can feel, through the haze of numbness, a soft touch in her hair. and hear a soft voice singing in a language she has never heard before. why can she understand it? the golden presence is frightening, at first. and her reaction, borne of lingering terror is to recoil - just a little. for there is something comforting and warm about it, and she is desperate for both.

she wants to feel something. anything. and see anyone but the visages of the dead strewn about the field. or her uncle, dumped into a too-small grave. naked as the day he'd been born, bereft of any and everything he'd worn that day. bereft of every single honour owed a king anointed by god. it is treason, and she feels sick with this knowledge.

sweet and pure, nuala's song becomes louder to her ears. in time, she can feel herself surrounded by warmth; by comfort. the presence of another who cares for her is such a much-needed balm. but rather than sleep, there is something elizabeth must do, and has kept herself from doing since escaping that maze with cesare: her face crumples, reddens, and she lets out a sob of gut-wrenching grief. she begins to weep, and not gently or delicately. but violently, deeply. she is absolutely shattered inside by this. ]

Edited 2014-07-14 10:29 (UTC)

( one hand rests in elizabeth's hair; she wraps her other arm around her, holds her near and rocks her, gentle and steady, through that wreckage of sorrow. she is immovable, unbending and reliable - the comfort she offers is a steadfastness, hands that are always certain, a voice that does not break.

she has within her the capacity for great patience; they will stay this way as long as need be. )

[ nuala's patience and gentleness are essential for her to actually feel like a person again. she cannot control the sobbing nor the flow of tears for it feels time without end. she leans into her friend's touch, still shaking badly while trying to let every aspect of the older woman wrap around and protect her. to keep her safe.

it is this comfort or a strong wish to die; and thankfully since nuala is here, it leans sharply toward the former. even one accustomed to betraying nothing and concealing everything can only hold such horror inside for so long. this has been a stark reminder that her friend has indeed been correct all along.

but she can't think of it now. or much of anything else. she finally reaches forward to grip fiercely to hold nuala to her, as though she might vanish beneath her touch. then she continues to weep until her head is splitting with sharp pain and the tears run out. only then can she gasp out between laboured breaths, voice hoarse and quavering: ]

Please do not leave me. Forgive me.

Shhhh, ( she murmurs, rocking elizabeth against her shoulder. ) Easy, my love, I don't go anywhere; be here with me. There is nothing to forgive.

Edited 2014-07-14 10:50 (UTC)

But I.. [ it's as if her tongue lodges itself to the roof of her mouth and she has to swallow hard several times to speak. ] Everyone goes away. Or they will.

[ is that not what she's seen? and after this display, she frankly wouldn't blame nuala for being furious. ]

I thought I could control these better.

You are learning, ( gently, soothingly. ) Did you never fall after your first steps? You fell, and then you rose, and learned steadiness. To be a child when you are a woman is frightening, that's all-- and even as women, we are not infallible.

( she brushes her knuckles briefly against elizabeth's cheekbone, a quick press of affection. ) The brevity of men is a burden, my darling, but don't think it leaves you all alone. Value the light you have while it burns, always.

I have been trying. With Galadriel's help.

[ she is frustrated and heartsick, along with literally feeling nauseous thanks to a combination of grief and just. well, the graphic content she's just seen flash across her mind's eye. leaning into nuala's touch now, she closes her eyes and shivers. ]

What if that light is broken? I feel as though I have shattered from within. And you did warn me, as I recall.

[ though she has tried, it's just not enough. and the ship has pushed her too far. ]

Edited 2014-07-14 11:24 (UTC)

Then it is nothing that can't be fixed.

( she won't lie, and say that it couldn't be-- 'broken' can mean many things, some of them perhaps what elizabeth feels now. but they are allowed weakness, from time to time, and moreso in youth like hers. it doesn't mean she'll never stand, only that she might be well-served by a hand to hold, a shoulder to steady herself against. )

You are not broken.

How would that be best achieved?

[ she turns her head to bury her face in the crook of nuala's shoulder, taking the comfort which has been freely given her. ]

If I am not, then my House surely is. [ she can still feel her heart racing in her chest. and there is one pressing thing she must know: ]

Is this true? What I have seen.

[Her daughter has the Sight, that is no surprise but to broadcast it in such a way, Elizabeth is frantic. She quickly opens a feed up to Lizzie, worry clear on her face.]

Where are you? I would speak with you at once.

[No argument, no room for discussion.]

[ she has no energy to deal with any demands to go anywhere at the moment. thanks to nuala, she has been able to cry it out. but she is entire drained and void of any emotion. thus when she finally opens her mouth to speak, her voice is flat and toneless. ]

With a friend. Nuala will see to me well. I would prefer to speak in this fashion.

[ see: she doesn't want to go anywhere. for once, her mother's summons do not stir her to obey. ]

Edited 2014-07-15 00:58 (UTC)

[ To say that Robin is concerned would be an understatement. He might not be entirely sure of what's going on, but she's distressed and in need of someone at the moment. Comfort can be given easily, even in the absence of insight. With his voice pitched low, not wanting to startle her, he speaks: ]

M'lady, please inform me of your current whereabouts. You're not well, and I'd like to assist.

[ she is terrified and mortified both. especially in his case, because she remembers clear as daylight now that the haze is gone that he does not like magic at all. and this is a manifestation of it, to some extent. elizabeth can't look at him. instead, she covers her face with her hands and turns away. ]

Forgive me. [ she repeats simply, muffled by her hands. ] I did not mean to..

[ it's no use. everyone can see through her today, and he is absolutely correct. she is not well at all. ]

The library of the twenty-eighth floor.

[Fili watches, with some hesitation.

He would ask if she is well, but he knows she is not.]

Did you--was it a dream?

[ elizabeth recoils at the sight of pretty much everyone over the network now. it's par for the course. she has been exposed, and she can't look anyone in the eye. including fili.

her eyes are wide and reddened in her pale face, even in profile. ]

No. I foresaw the future.

[ Her demeanor serves to worry him further, and he's simply grateful she complied with his request. He wants to reassure her right now, but that will delay him making it to her side, so he moves swiftly towards the library. ]

I won't be long.

[ And once he does find her and pockets his communicator, Robin approaches slowly, a worried look darkening his eyes. He kneels in front of her, looking up and focusing on her eyes. ] There's nothing to forgive, Elizabeth. What's taken hold of you? [ He reaches out for one of her hands, to offer some comfort. ]

[ the worst of her emotional reaction is done; or so she's thought. this man, someone who is a legend among her people and whom she respects so very much does not like magic. and who might blame him? certainly not elizabeth. her eyes are wide, and eventually fill with tears of shame. how can she do other than believe that this incident will cost her dearly?

even in person, she cannot hold his gaze with confidence. she averts her own, and shakes her head slowly. ]

A vision of the future. They come to me, though I do not wish it. I did not mean for this to happen. I..

[ she grasps tightly at his hands, biting her lower lip. ] I was born thus.

I was not summ- [But Elizabeth stops when Lizzie mentions a friend, frowning. The Sight is something typically shared between the women in their family, and she's still displeased at her daughter's temper tantrum. While such tactics would work on the likes of Margaret Beaufort, they did not on Elizabeth.]

Then I trust you are in good hands with your friend.

[ on the one hand, lydia shouldn't bother with this, she doesn't really— know elizabeth but there's something about it that draws her to the broadcast and she can't help but turn on her own device and ask a simple question. ]

Has that ever happened to you before?

Then forgive me. It sounded as much and I do not feel able to travel at present.

[ she neither wants nor needs a lecture. everything inside her hurts and she just wants somebody to hug her and tell her that she isn't monstrous for having done this in public.

that's it. ]

[ elizabeth hesitantly nods, feeling much too drained to see any point in attempting to play down what she's done. ]

Yes. At home, it occurs more often.

what was that?

[such tact wow.]

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♕ 5th - video - The Sight

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