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[He doesn't know what to say for a while. How do you apologize for threatening everyone on board; for alienating your friends at best and trying carelessly to start a work at worst? How do you even show your face after something like that?

So he keeps it short and simple:]

I'm sorry.

I'd advise anyone reading this to remove their mask. I haven't been able to [bring myself to, he nearly writes, but edits that out later] remove it entirely, but I've locked it away. I shan't be wearing it again.

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Hey, don't stress. I'm sure nobody even noticed the whole 'sociopathic slip' thing.

[ But he's glad you're back, really. ]

I tried to change two people. I'm rather certain they did.

That's probably one of the most SENSIBLE things I've seen on the network lately.

Edited 2012-11-16 07:01 (UTC)

Had trouble with it yourself?

When trying to get rid of it?

Yeah, a little.

How so?

Mine took frequent trips out the airlock. Somehow, it'd always make its way back on my door the next day.

And you haven't been tempted to try it on at all?

Yeah and not really. Damn thing was driving me crazy, and airlocking it was only a temporary solution at best.

are you *you* again?

The mask. What does it do?

room or elsewhere?

Oh. Yeah, I guess that might stick. You're okay now, though?

... What happened? Do you need a healer?

I'm fine, yes. Are you all right? Tell me you haven't tried it on.

I'm honestly surprised. It seems like--

[He cuts himself off, staring at the screen for a while. Hesitantly:]

It just seems as if it's what we're all compelled to do.

[He avoids her message, saving it til last-- because god, this was mostly for her, but he was far too cowardly to seek her out alone.]

Yes. Raven, I'm so sorry. I understand the apology doesn't mean much, and I completely understand if you don't wish to speak to me again, but if there's anything I can do to help you, anything I can do to make things better-- please, let me know.

I'm so sorry.

It made me far more aggressive. Willing to hurt those I loved.

My old room.

Merlin, no. I'm fine. Simply trying to apologize for what I've done.

In my experience, apologies generally fall flat, I'm afraid. However well meant.

no it does mean a lot. it means you took off the mask. and i dunno if there's anything you can do, but i have some questions. just in case. i haven't told anyone. i'm not sure if there's anything to tell. how do i know if it-? is there a way to know before the... how does the moon cycle even work here? is that how it really goes? i can still shapeshift, but the scar is there no matter what form i'm in. and it's a scar now, already healed up, but i can't tell if that means it didn't work or my mutation just sped up the process. but it's okay if i can still shift, that's not what i'm worried about. oh and i'm craving a cheeseburger like you wouldn't believe. normal? or am i just stress craving? i'm kind of freaking out. sorry, i shouldn't have said that. guess i'm just afraid of- well it's not you i'm afraid of. i'm scared because i have no idea what this all means. typing it out isn't even helping. i still can't even believe werewolves are real!! but that's not the

[ bloobloobloo she stops typing for a second ]

just promise you won't ever wear that mask around me again. please.

I promise.

[He takes a few deep breaths to try and calm his head, and then:]

The scar will never go away, but that's no indication of changing: cursed scars never do. I still have all mine, because they're self inflicted. The moon cycle depends on each werewolf; I suspect that, if you are a werewolf, you'll follow mine (which means you'd shift in about a week).

I don't know if you're changed. There's no real way to tell until the full moon comes. And unless you're craving a particularly raw cheeseburger, I suspect it's stress craving.

[It's so much easier to type this all out, so clinically and detached.]

a week. okay. i'll figure something out. like a room i can stay in or something. it'll be fine. i don't think we should tell anyone, i really don't think that's a good idea. i'm not gonna tell anyone, i'll just tell a few people i need some time to myself. i'll find a room and i'll ask Jim or someone to lock it up for me. maybe one of the rec rooms on the upper floor. would that work? i mean, what happens?

[ yeah she's not.. entirely sure why she's starting to cry, maybe it's just from fear, the fact that she has no idea how any of this is supposed to go. she never even read stories as a kid, she was too scared. this can't be real. it's not real, it's not real, it's not real. ]

what should i expect? you said it was painful. i can handle pain. but i don't know how any of this works

Edited 2012-11-16 21:26 (UTC)

I won't tell anyone.

[He pauses again, staring blankly at the computer screen. He's in the dark right now, curled up in a corner, the light off-- and he doesn't know what to say. Perhaps it would be better to talk to her face to face, to assure her-- but god, his face has to be the last she wants to see right now (and if he's grateful for that excuse, he doesn't acknowledge it).]

If you change the same time as I do, it ought to be in five days, around the "evening", when most go to sleep. It's painful, yes, very painful, and when you change-- it's as if someone else takes over. Sirius gave it a nickname; he calls the wolf Moony-- and it's a different personality. You have no control over your actions, no real sense of you. Do not, under any circumstances, get near anyone; your wolf won't be able to distinguish between friend or foe. Animals are all right; if you're familiar with Jayne, she could stay with you. The wolf doesn't care about animals; only humans.

It lasts about eight or nine hours.

[A pause. He knows it's useless, but he adds:]

I'm so sorry.

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